It is now past 4am and I cannot sleep. She passed earlier this afternoon (yesterday afternoon now, technically).
She’s with God and Jesus and all their pals, along with her loved ones. I was her only child but not her only birth… I was the seventh (lucky number I guess) pregnancy for my mom, and I was the only one that survived full-term and into adulthood. She had two more stillbirths after I was born. She went through hell just for me to exist (I was within the first 100 successful in-vitro births at Swedish Medical Center, my name is displayed on some list there).
She had been on hospice for months. The nurse came earlier and told my dad and I that it would be a matter of hours before she passed.
The nurse was correct.
As her only child, I’m trying to handle all I can. My dad’s still around to help but he’s 11 years her senior (that old hound dawg) so I’m doing all I can to ease the pain for us both, including her nieces and nephews. Her side of my family is a matrilineal Native American tribe, my mom was the matriarch after Grandma passed. She was everybody’s favorite Auntie.
She will be missed every single day by many people. Her memory lives on within our hearts.
Rest in Peace, Mama.
May 10, 1959 - April 30, 2025
May 10, 1959 - April 30, 2025
I’ll never stop loving you and promise to make you proud. I want you to see me from Heaven and be proud. You always told me I was strong enough to handle this… I hope you were right.
This is a pain that will never heal. I am at peace with this.
She outlived her hospice team’s estimations for so long. Except for this time. I know how tired you were. You were in so much pain, fighting so hard for so long… now you can rest.
She was a Southern Baptist Reverend who loved bible study/discussion and trash TV. I’ll never forget those sick days she stayed home with me, cuddling me in bed, allowing me to watch Jerry Springer and other such daytime exploitative atrocities. We’d both laugh and gossip about everything.
She watched my daughter be born. Even held the camera and got the money shots (crowning, cord-cutting, etc).
I’ll never stop loving you, mama. Your memory will never leave me.
Spiritually and biologically, you gave me life, you’ll always be a part of me. I’ll miss you every day. Every night, I’ll include you in my prayers. I hope you’ll hear them. I know you’re in a better place. I hope to reunite with you one day. I’ll do my best to be a good Christian like you wanted. I’ve started my cover-to-cover reading of the bible before bed. I wish you were still here to discuss with me certain things, answer questions I have. I even miss our debates about the Old Testament, despite how heated they could get. You even taught me how to master the game of blackjack from your time as a dealer at that casino.
Your memory will remain with us all. Your daughter (me), your granddaughter (my crotch fruit), my husband, my dad (your husband), and all of my cousins you gladly raised when their own parents were unfit. We’ve always all looked to you as a model of the perfect parent. That’ll never change.
My husband and I are planning on having a second child. If it’s a girl, she’ll get your first and middle name. You WILL live on.
Gone but never forgotten.
I love you so much mom.
Please, if anyone has any advice or kind words, I could really benefit from them right now. I’ve never lost a parent before. This is new territory and it hurts so much.
