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Chapter One

Blue eyes shot open and Sora sat up, “Tell me it was a stupid dream,” he murmured as he rubbed his head.

“No such luck,” he looked up to see Karasu leaning against a metallic looking doorframe, “And cross out any idea of a rescue,” the raven haired boy nodded to the window across from them, “The b*****d has us in the most remote location imaginable.”

Sora stood and walked to the window, peering out at the ocean far below them and the mountains surrounding the building they were in, “At least we’re not underground,” he started, trying to find some sort of silver lining, “Where’s Hoshi?”

“She’s still out,” Karasu said then looked up at the rafters, “And he followed us here, but I don’t think he’s going to be much good,” both looked over at the bunks as the silver haired girl yawned and blinked open her eyes.

“It’s cold without them,” she said sadly as she sat up and swung her legs over the bed she was in, “What’s the situation?”

“I found some blankets in the cabinets there, along with change of clothing,” Karasu pointed out, “It’s all grey, but it’s something at least,” he sighed, “That’s not the problem, try doing a ninjutsu technique, any of them.”

Hoshi and Sora stared at him for a second before throwing their hands into various seals and releasing chakra…

Nothing, both blinked in surprise, “Our networks are sealed off?” Sora asked, “But how the hell…”

Hoshi gasped and waved her arms around, both boys staring at her as she tried to jump, “He sealed off my powers to!” she cried, “I don’t even know how, but my wings aren’t coming out and nothing is changing!”

“Good morning campers,” Kabuto’s voice sounded and all three looked to see a door opening where there wasn’t one before, “If the three of you will direct your attention here, it’s time for your breaking to begin.”

“Not like we have a choice,” Sora muttered as all three entered the black corridor.

“Now I’m certain that you noticed that escape is quite impossible,” Kabuto’s cheery voice continued, “Not only are you in a mountain range that is currently uncharted on any map, but below the peaks is a vast sea where even if you were to somehow survive the dive down into it, the currents and tides would rip the skin from your bones. I’ve also sealed not only your chakra networks but every ability of that strange power the girl has,” he laughed, “Now as to the torture…”

The three of them blinked as the lights came up, staring at the auditorium they were suddenly in.

“The hell?” Karasu asked.

“I’m going to force you to watch some very badly written fiction!” Kabuto said cheerfully, “After a few months of this, you’ll be begging me to kill you in any way I choose… it’s the perfect torture!”

They were grabbed by unseen hands and dragged to their seats.

“And now without further ado… the first chapter of FaCe ThE sTrAnGe!”

Their screams were ignored as the curtains opened and the lights went low in the auditorium.

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Dally was riding the Hogwarts Express to Hogwarts with her best friend Edwart Cullen. She had just found out she was a witch and a vampire with Edward and now they were going to school to train to be better.

Oh yes, this plot makes perfect sense already.
Wouldn't the vampire thing be kinda obvious?
He thought his sharp teeth were from being attacked by a shark.
That makes more sense than the opening paragraph.

“Edward do you miss Bella?” I asked

“Grr I don’t want to talk about Bella” Edward said

“Oh are you guys fighting?” I asked.

“She is just being a c**t!!” he yelled “She thinks I like you… um I mean…”

Oooo! HE SAID A BAD WORD!
"Thinks"?
Considering the story!

“Why would she say that?” Dally asked.

“Um well uh”

Probably the long awkward pauses where you don't say anything.
Or the fact that he calls her c**t instead of ******** KNOCK!!! Suddenly there was a sound at the door of the trolly

“I am going around with candy would you like to buy someone?” came the voice from the door.

NO!
Wait, someone? There's going to be bondage in here?
Oh dear gods no.

“YES COME IN” yelled Edward, he wanted a distraction.

SO DO WE!

The door slid open and in came a boy with big spiky black hair and black clothes and he had his arm wrapped up.

“My name is Hiei” he said, “I am selling these candies to pay for my trip to Hogwarts…” he showed them the tray and there were Burties Botts and Candy Frogs with cards on them.

Run Hiei Run! Go to a good fanfiction!
I noticed you didn't shout that at Edward
He's already in a badly written series. If anything, this is helping his P.R.

Edward noticed that Dally was staring at Hiei and growled “We aren’t interested go away.”

Trust me, we WANT to.

“Oh okay” Hiei said “WAIT”

“I am would like to buy some Buties Botts!” said Dally enthusiastically and smiling. She reached for some and touched hands with Hiei… Edwad grred.

Oh look, Edward is a werewolf too.
What makes you say that?
Vampires don't growl. They just tear out throats.
Vampires don't sparkle either.

“Oh um well… that will be… okay well it is free for you!” Hiei said he was flustered because he touched hands with Dally. He thought she was very cute.

“THANK YOU!” said Dally.

I think she's louder than you Hoshi.
WHAT WAS THAT?

Hiei left and Dally began to ate the beans.

Beans, beans, they're good for the heart!
The more you eat...
No... just no.

“So do you like that guy?” Edward asked.

“Of course, he gave me free food! He is very nice” Dally said happy.

Dally special, give her free food and get a handjob!
That joke was almost as bad as the story

Suddenly they arrived at Hogwarts and uncame from the train.

Sora, how do you uncome?
Think of very, very unsexy thoughts.

They were greeted by a big wizard with a long white bear and a pointy hat and he said, “Come students, follow me to the great hall and we will eat and get you sorted!”

THERE'S CANNIBALISM IN HERE TOO!
LE GASP!

Dally and Edward got into a boat and went into the Great Hall with Dumbeldore. They sat down at a table coincidentally right next to there friend from the ship Hiei! Dally was also sitting next to a black and red hedgehog.

“My name is Shadow” said the hedgehog.

Well that's it. Hoshi, remember last week when I said that your little tricks warped reality too much?
Yeah?
That was nothing compared to this.

Edward began to grr again. “Why are you all talking to Dally he said?

“Calm down…” said Dally “He is my best friend, he gets a little territorial sometimes.”

SEE! He's a werewolf!
More like werelabor-doodle

“Oh okay” said Shadow.

No, it's not okay, it's not okay at ALL

“Aight!” said Dumbledore “I will now sort you into the hat”

One by on each of the students (and hedgemice because there are some sonic characters) came up to the sorting hat. It told poems for the houses: there is Gryffindor, Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin.

“Edward Cullen…..” said the hat, “SLYTHERING!”

I would have put him in Hufflepuff.
I would have drowned him in the lake.

Edward put on a silver and green scarf and sat down a table at the end. He winked at Delly as if to say “Come to my house”

I'm going to give you candy!

“Shadow…. SLYTHERIN!”

Shadow put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Edward. “Gee I hope she gets Slytherin” thought Shadow.

Because I want to slither it in... OUCH
The story's already bad enough.

“Hiei….. SLYTHERIN!”

Hiei put on a silver and green scarf and sat down next to Shadow and Edward. He could not stop grazing at Dally…

Because she had a big huge pimple on her face.

Now it was Dally’s turn. “DALLY” called the hat. She was beckoned and so went up. The boys did a drumroll with their feet.

It's amazing how sex-crazed eleven year olds are.
Especially when two out of those three are so obviously gay.

“RAVENCLAW!”

Dally’s face fell off.. she could not believe it! The boys looked so disappointed. She sadly put on he black and blue scarf and sat at a table with a group of strangers…

People are strange, when you're a stranger, faces look ugly when you're alone...

Lucky she found her friends Charla, Annie and Meagan at her table! “Hey guys I didn’t know you were witches!”

OMIGOSH HOSHI! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A NINJA!
SORA! OMIGOSH!

“Yes we are we just found out this summer” said Meagan. “I cant believe we are in the same house!”

We can't believe you're even at the school!

So there was good news after all. They began to head back to there home rooms when Hiei stopped Dally in the hall.

“Listen Dally I want to tell you something” said Hiei “I like you.”

“I like you too Hieie” she said softly.

So much that I can't spell your name right!

Then he kissed her and their lips met, like fire.

You say you don't like it, but girl you're a liar...
Cause when we kiss... oooo, fire.

“Ok ok that’s enough” said a voice. It was Proffessor Umbrudge the defense against dark arts teacher, “Go to your rooms”

“I’ll see you tomorrow” said Hiei and kissed her again

“I SAID ENOUGH GOD DAMMIT” shouted the Proffessor

Funny, that's what I said about this story.

“Bye!” said Dally

They left and from the darkness two eyes watched. IT was Edward he was mad…

Should we be scared of the sparkling werelabor-doodle?
We should if he's not housebroken.

The lights came back on in the auditorium, "That's enough for now," Kabuto's voice sounded, "I'll be generous and let you have a brief respite before the next chapter begins."

The three looked at each other, worry in their eyes, "Let's get something to eat," Karasu whispered, "And then see if we can figure out a way to escape this place"

The other two nodded, "We've got to figure out what happened to Haru and Yuri too," Hoshi pointed out, "What if they're getting tortured like this?"

"Then we've got to somehow rescue them as well," Karasu chewed his lip, "But first we've got to keep our sanity."

Chapter Three

Karasu opened the window and turned to the crow, "Good luck," he whispered, "Just, be careful." He received a reassuring peck on the ear as the crow flew out, then he turned to Hoshi, "You called him Chi-kun... why?"

She shrugged, "His name's Itachi isn't it? Chi's a cute nickname," she went back to rummaging in cabinets found in the room, "Sora, you having any luck?"

"Not a damn thing," he sighed, "There's nothing here."

"But where's the food coming from then? Or his voice?" Hoshi looked up at the ceiling, "There has to be some sort of contraption somewhere..." Alarms sounded.

"No time to think about it now," Karasu groaned as they started to be pushed back to the auditorium.

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Shadow and Dally were talking in the Great Hall when all of the sudden a cheetah ran in at warped speed, barreling through chairs and people in a frantic rush of hurry.

This story has everything doesn't it?
It's missing a writer.

“SHADOW! DALLY!!” shouted the cheetah, suddenly it turned back into Charla (she is a anemograph and can turn into a cheetah) “SOMETHING IS GOING UPSTAIRES”

Something NAUGHTY and camera worthy...

Shadow put them all on his back because he is fastest even faster than the lepoard and they ran upstairs and busted down Dumble’s door just in time to see him unzipping his genes.

Or not.
That's not naughty! That's science!

“NOOO! EDWARD!” Dally shouted… she loved Edward and would never see him get hurt. She ran at Dumbledore and headbutted him. He flew back into the wall and fell into his phenix, and they both exploded into thin air.

What the heck is a phenix?
A flaming ******** WE LOST THEM” exclaimed Draco, “We have to get that basterd fired from Hogywarts”

Can we get fired from reading this?
I'm all for a good sacking.

The three of them mated downstairs to Professors Macnoggle’s orifice and demanded an interview. She opened the dory to her chamber and said “Come in dearest stunts! What can I a** you in?”

We can put a phenix in it.
That's pretty violent for you.

“We need to get a certain ***** fired from this plays,” said Harry, “He tried to rape some students including me”

Wait, when did he get there?
Don't you know Sora, he was there THE WHOLE TIME.

“Oh no don’t worry thought I will have it all took care of,” she said and bamfed them out.

I've been worried about this... now I'm terrified

A week later a blog was posted aboot it in the bathrooms that said “A teacher has ben fired to improper actinic against a students, this teacher is Professes Umbrige”

“WAT” they all mounted in unicorns, “THEY FIRED THE WRONG TEACHER”

Why are we not surprised.

“Wait keep reading” said Shadow, “It said more”

No, it really doesn't.

“There is a new teacher to be hired in place of this one and his name is Jack Skeleton”.

I want some of whatever drugs this writer's taking.

“Yay!” I said, “Professor Skeleton will know what to do! Let’s go to his class and tell him about that f*****t Dumbledore.”

I wonder how this person would feel about yaoi.
Her brain would implode. And that's even without looking at the twincest you and Haru have going on.

They whaled over and came into his office. He was very skinny and had a skull for a head and no eyes but teeth on them.

Call me Ishmael...
WHALE AHOY CAPTAIN!

“Hello students, what can I halp you with?” he asserted.

HALP! HALP! WE'RE TRAPPED IN A BAD FANFICTION!

“Dumbledore Is gay!” blarted Edword.

So are you!

“Well students there is nothing wrong with bean gay,” he said, “I am bisexual myself.”

“No but he tried to FINGER US” said Draco, he turned blue a little because he was embarrassed. Draco is straight and it’s Adam and Steve not Adam and Steve.

Well, which is it? Adam and Steve or Adam and Steve?

“OH ********” said Jack. They exclaimed to his the whole story and he said, “Don’t worry I will take acres of this. Just go to your rooms and sleep for tonight. Until then incest Dumbledore is not here there are no rules…”

Incest? I think we would destroy the writer's mind.
You can't destroy what's not there.

So they left and went to their rooms, except for Dally And Hiei who hung out outside where the dorm rooms started.

“Did you hear what Proffessor Skeleton said?” Hiei asked, “I know that you are mad at me but there are no rules and maybe I can make it up to you.”

Since when did Hiei care for the rules in the first place?

“How would you do that?” asked Dally.

Just then he pushed her against the Ravenclaw satellite and because to kiss her gastricly. She put her tongue in his mouth and felt his teeth. He cut his tongue on her fangs and the blood tripped down his chin… he was turned on by it and suddenly Dally felt something against her.

Oh dear gods.
He farted while kissing her? That's just wrong!

“Hiei is that your wand?” she asked.

Or are you happy to see me?
Couldn't resist could you?

“No… that is my p***s, Dally…” he said.

“OMG you’re so huge! You’re like 6 inches!!” she shouted, gasping for breath.

That's huge?

“No I am 6 inches flassid, right now I have a bonner so I am 10 inches,” he said.

Oh dear gods.

Della was at a lost for words. She was a virgin and did not know about dicks and it was her first time having a p***s.

I'm pretty sure the writer is a virgin too. With no c**k knowledge.
I'm a virgin and I know more about sex than she does.

“Let’s go to your room,” said Hiei, “I want to have sex with you.”

Why? Kurama's waiting on you back in good fanfiction land!
Or Botan. Come on Hiei, don't do it! If you have to have crossover a**, go get Makoto!

So he said the password and they went into Ravenclaw, and went to Dally’s bedroom. A couple Ravenclawers were like, “Dally what he is doing here??” but she turned Hiei into a broom with her powers as a mutant so they didn’t notice anymore. Then she unturned him back into a Hiei when they got onto her bed. They started kissing and taking their clothes of.

“Do you have a birth control?” asked Dally as he started to put it in.

“No… I didn’t think to bring somes.” He said frowning but he kept doing it.

At least the writer knew about the point of no return.
We can stop reading anytime.
Well... we could, but we're being forced to.

“Hiei please I don’t want to have a baby… you can get pregnant even from your first time,” she said kissing him and moaning as he went faster and faster.

Because you're REALLY thinking about that when you're having sex.

“It will be okay… you can just use your power to turn my c** into water and then it wont be babies,” he said as he started to ******** her. Her boobs were huge so they could wrap them around his weiner like bumblebees.

Welp that's it. My p***s is officially just for show.
Why doesn't he just c** on her face?
Don't help the bad writing

“That sounds like a good idea,” she said as he splurted on her neck, then flipped her over and started rubbing himself on her back, “I can also use my powers to turn stuff into kinky sex toys!!!”

And she's just figuring this out now?
Oh dear gods.

So they continued… but just from the first chreptar 1, Edward was watching from the darkness… he had used his vampire powers to turn into a bat and they didn’t notice him fly in.

Eddie baby, you can always join in.

HE was angry… he was tumors… he was so mad at both of them that he used his wizard powers to turn the water back into c**. He would have his revenge!!!

Yes. She's going to get pregnant from the c** on her neck. That's all this story needs.
Your mother would have a conniption fit if she read this wouldn't she?
I'm having a conniption fit.

The lights came back on, and the three of them just sat there stunned. "I need to have good sex to get the bad sex out of my head," Sora whimpered.

Hoshi nodded, "That was..." she shivered, "I think I'm going to be celibate for a while now."

"T...t...tumors..." Karasu twitched, then shook his head and looked at the others, "We have got to get out of here."

Chapter Five

All three of them stared at Kabuto, "Well, it seems you found the communication device. How... clumsy of me to leave that alone."

"You wanted us to find it," Karasu narrowed his eyes, "Why?"

"Because it's so much fun to see you scramble to find some way of escape, when I assure you it's impossible," he smirked, "You three are doing so much better than the others. I'm going to have to give you special treatment."

Hoshi clenched her fists, "Where's Yuri?" she demanded in a quiet voice.

"Be a good little girl and I might even show you," he said as the alarm sounded, "I do believe that it's time for the next part to begin."

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I'm going to kill him.
Hate to tell you that there's a line for that.

Dally, Hiei, Shadow, Edward, Jack, and Sasuke left off trying to find Dumbledore. They were gunna get him frisked from the school because he tried to warp some boys. They looked in Hoodmeade, the chamber of secretes. And even used the map that Harry’s dad left him of Hogwerts but could not see him for shite.

Oh where to begin with that sentence.
Hoodmeade must be where the ghetto wizards are.
Sora... and I'm going to regret asking this... what the heck kinda position is the warp.
Something even I wouldn't do.
Thought so.

“Wait” said Draco “I know where the ******** we will find that bastert.”

They got in the car and drove to the mall by the school. First they checked American Engle, then they checked Wet Seal, then they checked Tifanny and Co-op, but they finally found him in the queerest of all stores… Holster.

Not Fashionable Male?
Or the back of a Volkswagen?

They all pulp out their wands and did cruses on him. He flew in the air and wobbled like a booby, and hit a lot of slaves on the way down. The employee working was getting liberated. “YOU WILL NEED TO LEAVE IF YOU SIMPLE PLAN ON KEEPING THIS UP” he roared, yeling.

But no one heard him over the sound of acne going on. Dumbledore knew how to excape however because he was a master of the escapes, and he clicked is heels together and said danished.

There's no place like France, there's no place like France.
France?
Where else will you get a danish at this time of night?

“WE WILL NEVER CATCH HIM” cryed Draco, just then Dallystarted getting morning sickness all over the store. “Oh my god…” Draco said, looking at the puke. “Are you…. ….?”

“This can’t be…” Daldo said, “Hiei… I thought…!”

Wow. She gets pregnant faster than Mama does.
Exactly how long did your parents know each other?
How long did yours?
Touche

“THIS IS NOT MY FAULT,” said Hiei. Just then he started to show his true colors… “it wasn’t me… I swear to god it wasn’t me…”

“It WAS you,” Dally insisted. She could not believe he was denying it.. they had sex a hundred times and she never had sex with any of the ones. “YOU CAME IN ME. I TOLD YOU YOU CAN GET PREGNANT EVEN FROM a**l.”

Wait, you can?
Everything my mother told me about the medical profession was a lie?
Next they'll be telling us men can get pregnant.
Wouldn't you be in trouble then?
Damnit! I knew I should have made Haru wear a condom!

Hiei got bat… the others just stared down ventmently. “Hiei is this true?” said Edward coyly as if to pretend nothing happened, “Did you impignate her?”

“WELL YOU WOULD KNOW,” said Hiei, “YOU ******** BELLA… AND HTEN YOU KILLED HER.”

Edward was baken aback. “Is that true?” asked Dally, “Edward… I can’t believe you…” she started crying.

“Why are you crying?” asked Hiei. “I.. I wanted to be Edwerds first time..” she admits.

Gotta love those pregnancy hormones...

Everyone was in raw. “Dally… I … I need to text you something” he looked at Hiei then pulled out his motorolla. “WHAT ARE YOU SYAING?” hiei demanded. He did not like that their was a private convo happenin. A text popped up on Dally’s screen.

“I did not have sex with Bally,” Edward said, “You can still be my fart”

That's real smooth.
Why did he have to text that anyway?
Yeah, he could have just lifted his leg like the werelabor-doodle he is.

Draco put Dally in a wheelchair, “Listen everyone I think we should put KTFD (Killing The f*****t Dumbledore) on hold because Dally’s water could beak any time and its important we send her to the hospital wins.”

EVERYTHING Mom said about medical knowledge...
Where'd he get the wheelchair?
From the store. They are in a mall.
You're actually paying attention?

They returned back to the school and Dally sat in the hospital bed. All kinds of tubes were attracted to her arms and legs to keep her populated. ..it reminded Edward of when Bellala was in the hospital. But he didn’t want to think about her… she was dead now. Now it was al about Bella.

Being a vampire, he's a necrophiliac.

“I’m going to go get you some medicine,” said Hiei, and kissed her on the forehead, leaving.

IT left her all alone with Edward. He sat next to her on the bed. “You’re going to be oakaki, Dally,” he said, his voice sultry and soothing, and he put is hand on her leg under the cover. She was only waring a hospital gowns so it was her bear white leg.

And he really likes sick people.
That does explain the entire Twilight series.

“Edward…. Is that your wand?” she asked, feeling to weak to check.

He's happy to see you!
Really?
Ask Chain, that joke just doesn't get old.

“No… it is my hand… how are you feeling?” he asked her. His eyes were shinning gold… “Are you feeling… like being my first?”

He learned in to kiss her… but she turned, so he only got the cheek. “You’re 16… are you sure you’re a virgin?” she asked him doubtedly.

I'm sixteen and I'm a virgin. It does happen
Besides first-timers cry a lot. I hate being someone's first.

“I am sure,” he said, “I haven’t even used tongue with Bella.”

“Well… I am with Hiei. He won’t like it if we do that,” she said, shriving a little. “I thought you said you wanted to… you can’t blue balls me,” he said flatly, “Seriously if you don’t put out youre a b***h just like Bella.”

And we saw how quickly he went from calling her ******** to c**t.
He never called her ******** style="color: green">DETAILS!

Dally started to cry… why was he being so mean to her? She thought. Hiei came back in though and Edwart porned off. “What is he so mad about?” Hiei asked. “I don’t know,” Bella lied.

BELLA IS DEAD! HOW DOES SHE KEEP TALKING?

“Listen… Dally… I need to talk to you about something,” Hiei said, sitting on the bed where Edward shat. “Do you remember when I stayed in Sasuke’s room with him?”

Dally’s stomach fell off… she got nervous, “Uh… y-y-yeah…”

“Well… the truth… is that… we…… Sasuke and me…. We….”

“OUT WITH IT” she said. “We… we… we had sex!” Hiei was so embarrassed.

Oh dear gods.
He could have done worse...
I wonder if there's any video... OUCH!
No.

“WHAT?!”

The hole school could hear the scream…

That's us. Sorry. It's just that bad a story.

The lights went back up and Hoshi turned to the other two, "Hey," she whispered, "Try activating your doujutsu."

"What good is that going to do?" Karasu shot back, "It's not like there's any way the sharingan can..."

"Just try," she said folding her hands, "I think that the Chaos theory is working some, but I'll need a bit of help."

He nodded, and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, then opening them as both Hoshi and Sora leaned in to see the results.

They were still black and both sighed in disappointment, "Damnit, I was hoping that maybe the seal was wearing off," Hoshi chewed the inside of her cheek, "So any ideas?"

"We try and rewire that communications device," Sora said as he ruffled her hair, "Maybe we can get an S.O.S. out."

Chapter Seven

"Okay," Sora looked down at the crudely drawn map they had made with the crow's help, "We're here," he pointed, "And it looks like there's another building here," he trailed his finger across the counter where they had etched it in, "Karasu are you sure about this?"

"That's what he said," he sighed, "But what about that other thing, that he couldn't find any other land."

"We're in another dimension," Hoshi said quietly, "I bet that's it," she turned to the other two, "Did any of you see what happened to my naginata?"

Both shook their heads as the alarms sounded, and she cursed as she went into the auditorium ahead of them, "I could have cut this place down and sent us back to our reality then," she whispered."

"Ten bucks says that Kabuto has it if it's really that powerful," Sora pointed out as they took their seats."

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Shadows back. They were gonna plan their attack on Dumbledore…

Shadow's back and there's going to be trouble...

“What is a ******** faggots biggest weakness?” asked Shadow since he missed their talk already.

“Its gay a**l surf,” answored Dally, “if they don’t take garyatric pills then if we put enough water in their a** their intenstines and stomach wil leak out…”

The hell?
EVERYTHING...

“It is a slow painful dead,” Sasuke continued…

“Because it will make youre eyes fall into your tonstils and it all falls out at the bottom,” Link finished.

“Oh is that because their asshoes are all loosened out from the sex??” Shadow asked. Link noddd. Link bachelors from college so he knew about priest. Sasuke was also a healer but not unlike as much as Link.

Damnit, even with replacing uncle's name with Oro's it doesn't make it better.
And for the record, my a** is still tight. I work out.
I so did not want to know that.

“So how ae we going to get that much water in his a**?” Shadow asked “We don’t have enough receptickles to put them in…”

“Platinom Billy has the power to shoot that out of his hans,” Lank expend more. “He little red and then it just kind of goes from there…”

Did we just take acid?
I'm almost certain that we're on something right now.

They all took deep breathes before kicking down the dore with a mighty PUSS and where there was supoxxed to be Dumbleore there was only Haggid with his back face to the crowd in a reclining chaira with the TV playing “Spin the Wheel of Excitement” “.

I want to buy a vowel!

“WHERE THE ******** IS DUMGBLEDORE” howeled Billy, he was losing love for the world and they started tumoring back into Edward and Hiei.. they knew it was a trap.

Edwad and Hiei were too toirtle from the evolution and laid on the dirty floor while Shadow spun the chair around to deal a DEAD HAGRID. There was wands coming out of all the sausages of his body …

The body has sausages?

“OH JESAS”, gasped Sasuke he has a weak stomach and pubed all over the already dead corpes. “WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THONG”

Considering how brutally you tried to kill Dad...
I thought you changed the name to Oro.
I was talking about him.

Just then Axle came out from under the table… and turned mack into Mystiqeu!

Wait, who's Axle?

“MYSTIQUE!” Hiei said he hed a venditto against her for not giving him those powers…

“Yes it is I,” she smocked, “You really think you would get aware that easy?? DYMBLEDORE AND I ARE WOKING TOGETHER NOW!! HAHAHAHA!”

Never trust a blue woman.
There's a legend in the Water Country or something?
Where do you think the shark teeth come from?

“YOU ******** BITCHASS WHORE” Hiei swore and he charged at her full blast but she turned into quickly Dally and he couldn’t do it… he stoped because he loved her… even if he did cheetah on her.

I cheetah on Yuri all the time.
Some people don't understand poly-amorous situations like yours though.

“I cant do it…” he admittoed… “But if Dally knew hat you were doing she would be TURNING IN HER GRAVE!”

WHEN DID SHE DIE!

“I don’t ******** give a Christ about Dally!” she laughed “She has the powers and you don’t and Dumbledore and I are going to RAPE DRACO.”

“s**t” explained Link “We did loose him… WHERE IS THE HELL IS HE???”

“WE TAKE HIM TO AZCABIN” she said and then with a bluff fof wind she man a torpedo and flew out exploding the building. “WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE FIRE” they shouted and dived out…

Oh look, John Woo directed this scene.
I thought I saw doves...

Sasuke, Hiei and Link maid it out but when they turned they saw the burnging ashes of Shadow trying to crawl out of the carpet… he was holdin on for dear lite but the flames endulged him, taking him deeper to death…

ONE DOWN!
You're a bit excited about that there...

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Link tried to run after him but they hallowed him back…

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!

They went up to Dalla’s room in the hospital… she was sketching agun this time a picture of Shadow. “Oh hello,” she squirted, “Shadow sung me the nicest song today.”

Oh spew. What did she squirt?
Seriously, was this written using Mad Lips or something?

“Dally…” Hiei started… “We have bad news… something has happened…”

Again the whole school could hear the scream thin time in angus.

Sorry, that was us... again...

"The good news is that only I can use it," Hoshi chewed her lip, "It has something to deal with the dual powers I wield or something like that, Levi explained it to me once, but it was kinda long and boring..."

"Idiot," Karasu crossed his arms, "You're supposed to study and control your powers! Just so stuff like this doesn't happen!"

"Calm down," Sora said quietly, "Hoshi, you can recall it if your chakra gets unsealed, right?"

She nodded, "But right now..."

"No problem," he grinned, "We keep working on making this place chaotic and getting in contact with the other group. We'll do it."

Chapter Nine

"Alright, I'll bite, what are you two up to?" Karasu asked as Sora and Hoshi led him back to the small room.

"A perfect testing of Sora's Chaos Theory!" Hoshi said happily as she pushed up her glasses, "We're going to make a mess!"

There was a moment of shocked silence as he stared at her, "And that's going to do us good how?"

"Just bear with us," Sora winked, "It's a test after all... Ho-oh, if you would do the honors," he smirked as she knocked over the food that was on the table, shattering the plates into many pieces.

Karasu stared as he noticed the small shards and crumbs of food being swept together, "You two are geniuses," he said as he slowly grasped what it was they were testing."

"It took three seconds for them to respond," Sora frowned, "That doesn't give us a lot of time."

"We'll just have to figure out a bigger mess," Hoshi pointed out, then clenched her hands, a pained look on her face as she concentrated, "But..." she opened her hands to show a white feather, "I can create again. It's really limited, and it hurts a lot... but it's working."

"We can use..." Karasu started, only to be interrupted by the alarm, "To be continued," he said to the two.

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I don't suppose you could create a better story.
It's really limited right now.

“Mama! Mama!”

“Dally! Baby was a bottle!” Edward calked, and so she came running in the room whering a nightie. She a** sleeping but the boys were over to babyspit the baby while she was sleeping sleeping.

The baby's talking already?
The pregnancy only lasted a day, I'm surprised he's not already graduating from college.

“Oh baby its okay,” she pooed, “I got your bottle right hur”.

Edward and Hiei watced as the baby suckled donut. “Hm baby isn’t liking the bottle” said Dally disappearedly, “Looks like I will have to feed breasts.” She pulled her boob out of the nightei and the boys jaws dropped off. “Don’t gawk!” she cried and pushed the door on them so they left… the baby didn’t like the milk bottles because he was a vampire and wanted to drink blood farm Dally’s tits.

Wow. Just wow.
And that's coming from someone who shared nursing moms with Chain and Yuri.
What? We shared everything!
I so did not want to know that.

They were now living in Hagrid’s house science he was dead as a doorsnail but they fixed it up so it looked like a nicer house and didn’t smell of dead so much. They also downloaded a few new rooms so the guys could live in there too. Dally didn’t share a room with anyone (its not approprimate according to Proffessor Macognaggle) but Edward slept with Hiei and Link slept with Saskue (Dally said Hiei wasn’t allowed too share a tomb with Sasuke because they would screw)

Hey, Karasu, wanna get a tomb?
You have problems, you know that right?

“I’m gonna go get some cake from the golden shower,” said Edward. They had throwed the golden shower in celebration of the babyand there was lots of leftoars. “okay see you soon,” Dally said as little Shaddow suckled her teet.

TASTE THE GOLDEN SHOWER!
Damn! She beat me to it!

Edward waked down the hall to the kitshen when a bag glue over his head… everything turned black and he was drafted…

Those army recruiters don't ******** around.

“Hey whered Edward go?” Sally asked looking around she put the baby on the floor and ran out to the living room … “THE CAKE ISNT EAT” she shouted and that’s when she saw the note. IT was a random note is read:

He went to a good story.
At least this one was better than Twilight, he's moving up in the world.

“WE TOOK SHADOW

WEI WILL NO TRETURN HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUSAUCES UNLESS YOU KILL THAT ******** BABY

-NO ONE”

Damn clowns!

“This was the wok of ******** Mystique and Dumbledore…” growled Hiei, “They ******** took Draco now they took Edward… how are they doing this righte under our noses/!”

“They are the most powerful wizads, Hiei,” Dally explained, “Listen let me call my mom right now.” She took our her blackberry and speed dialed her. It rang… rang…

Ring... Ring... Oh hello? Is this the Mike's Pizza? I want a large with extra cheese and... what do you guys want?
Can you get a veggie?
Half veggie, half meat-lovers.
Okay... yeah, half veggie, half meat, extra cheese. Charge it to Kabuto. Thanks!
Damnit, now I want it to actually make it here.

“Dally… I’m sorry to do this to you,” came a voice it was obveiously a voice mail though, “But you should have known better to tan your genes… you will never have a baby again because your utorus can only hold one egg and you wasted it on this demon baby. It was chosen one and now it will kiss us all… because when demons and vampires mix it produces a hellspawn that is evilest at its core. I am takin away all the boys in your life so you cant make the mistakes sesame again…”

But if she can only have one, then what's the point?
I know I've said this before... but EVERYTHING.

“What?” she ased her self and as she turned around… Hiei was gone too… she was all alone..

“LINK?!” she called “SASUKE???” no one answered… she began to fail nervous…

Someone order a pizza?
Oh thanks, that was me! You guys hungry?
HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?
Chaos Theory at work.

“M Y BABY!” she tugged and ran into the room wear she put it on the floor. He was still there shaking his prismacolored hair and biting on some rattlesnakes with his sharp fangs teeth. She plucked him and cuddled him “OH my baby thank God your still here…. Where are my boys??”

I've got sunshine on a rainy day...
When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may
I'd guess you'd say, what can make me feel this way, My girl...
My girl...
My girl!

“Mama,” said the baby, “Azkaban mama!”

“What did you just say…?” she aksed serendipity. “Did you say…”

“Mama!” he jabbered again, “Haha Mama!”

“Oh it must have been in my head…”she thought and went to go lie down…

He can say Mama, but it's weird for him to say Azkaban?
It's all in your head Ho-oh.

Mystique and Dubledore watched from the orb. Hiei, Draco and Edward were tyed up in stem cells with water around them in big tubes and they were put to sleep with trancuilizers.

What the heck is a trancuilizer?
The acid we need to be on to have this story make sense.

“That ******** damn baby knows…” umbled Dumbledoor.

Omigosh really?
Really.

“I’m coming to save you dada” the baby translated back through transfusion. “Oh Shadow,” Dally said to the baby, “What are you thanking so ******** hard about?”

You're still breastfeeding him, of course he's hard.
That was so wrong.

“Mama” said baby Shadow, “Azkaban mama…”

“I need some sheep…” she said and went to bed…

What is she an idiot?
You have to ask?

They left the auditorium, pizza box in Hoshi's hands, as they heard the sound of static, then...

"SHI-CHAN!" Yuri's voice came over the intercom, and they stared at the screen, "I was soooo worried about you!"

Chapter Eleven

"I think I love you," Sora said as he took the crow from Karasu's shoulder.

"I'm going to make you sooo much onigiri," Hoshi added, then hugged the raven haired boy, "Kara, we're going to have to treat you too!"

"I think it's just because he's immune to anything Oro or Kabuto does," he pointed out, "He just had the time to study the wiring."

Sora patted the beak on the crow, "It's something at least. We'll be out of here in no time," the bird flew away as the alarms sounded.

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Think we'll get time to study the wiring after this?
I hope so, there's only so much Chi-kun can do.

The note the had said to go to florr two but for some raison they were having a hard time finding that flour. Edwardand Dally went down all the hallwasy in searching of that but none to come.

Really? They can't find the stairs?
They are sparkling werelabor-doodles. That breed's not known for it's intelligence.

“This is impossible!” said Dally all flushed “We never gonna find that floor.”

“WAIT there it is” said Edward he pushed on a wall and behind it cane a fleight of stares. They ran up and warp speed (Edard was a lil faste with his vsapire powers) and they came upon sasuke and Hiei in tubes.

Go get the ball! Good werelabor-doodle!

“HIEI” Dally scanned, She ran to the jar and bangled on it and it wont hopen. “s**t we need to find a key…” Dally insisted. She looked around and checked spits keys are. She looked in the keyhole and on the wndow and she was gunna check under the carpet… but it reminded he of shadow.

Really? God-modded out the wazoo and she can't break glass?
And apparently Shadow was a girl. I mean, first the pubic hair nightmare and now the carpet munching thing...
Oh dear gods.

“I ******** HATE CARPETS” she said and started cryein. “Dally please contort yourself,” Edward begged, “Look Shadow’s death was a hard on for all of us but you gota get your s**t together or all of our other friends will die to death too… please Dally, for me?”

Is it too much to ask that this story dies to death?

She looked up at him, she looked so pretty when she cried and the tears poured down her face like mouth vesuvias… Edward was sohappy to see her. He leaned in to kiss to but out of the coroner of her eyes she saw Hiei in the tube and turned so again he got only the cheek…

Wow, vampires have their own coroners?
They have to hide the forensic evidence somehow...

“What the hell, Dally,” and hten he slapped her across the face like you woud a puppy when he pees on the flowers, “All I do is ty to love you and tis is how you repay me???? ******** you ad ******** these boys which youll probably do when you get them out… I been tryin for years to get you and you are just a FILTHY WHORE” and hten he stormed out…

Easy powerful!
Well, with all these boys around...

Just then a woman apparated in a glowing light of dawn. It was the Faerie Queen she had purple hair and a purple dress. “Dally you have the power.. turn into the key remember?” and then she vanished.

Dally was inspired and turned into the key and rammed herself into the keyhole of all the keylocks. The boys fell out and gasped for breath.

Oho! SHE GAVE IT TO THEM!
That's it. No sex references for the rest of the chapter.
Is that even possible?

“HUUUUU,” said Link

“HUUUUUUU” said Hiei

“HUUUUU,” said Sasuke

“HUUUUU” said Draco.

“Oh my boys!” She ran up and recessitated all of them jungle they could breathe.

What was that you were saying about no sex references?
Oh dear gods.

“Dally… you saved my life,” said Hiei and he embraced her in a passionate affair. He pulled her onto his sotmache so she was lying on top of him… he sstaarted to get hard and he began to feel her up.

Wow, right there?

“COME ON GUYS theres no need for intercourse now,” said Link, “We need to go KTFDATBM (Kill That f*****t Dumbledore and that b***h Mystique)”. He pulled them up by their collers and they ran off.

There's ALWAYS time for intercourse!

“GUYS I mustard up enough power to grant you all this spell…” sasuked said. He waved his ebony wand and everyone turnd to a little glower. “I feel so powerfull… more powerful than hen I combined with Edward!” said Hiei.

*whimpers*
The whole switching Sasuke to Oro thing isn't working is it?
No, no it's not.

“Alright, guts… LETS DO THING THIS!” said Dally.

Let's not and say we did.

Meanwhile Edward was suffocating down the hallway when a blue woman and a bearded man stepped out before him.

“Y… YOU! Your the one who tried to RAPE ME you ********!” said Edward and he pulled out his gun but Mystique held out her hat. “We’re not going to finger you…” said Mystique, “You are an assert to our team actually… and you ******** hate Dally don’t you?”

And c** and c** and c**...
At least they can pick up condoms at the Rite-Aid.

“What will I do if I don’t?!?” Edward barked.

“We’ll kill you…” said Dumbledore with a smirk… and just like that Edward joined their ensemble.

Because he has no willpower. Or self-control.

"So Kara," Sora smirked, "Is there any chance that you'll ever stop being a virgin now?"

"After reading that, no, none at all." the raven haired boy sighed, "Any sex drive I had just disappeared about eight chapters ago."

Hoshi giggled as she passed an onigiri to the crow, "It's a good thing you're with us instead of Saisei and Haru then," she pointed out, "You never would have made it!"

Chapter Thirteen

"You're just paranoid," Hoshi said as she looked up from where she was lying on the floor and propped her head on her hands, "I mean, he's kidnapped us too. He does wants to cut me up and poke around."

"Which is better than what he wants to do with me," Karasu shuddered, "I think he's been obsessed with my family since Dad turned Oro down."

"He does seem to be more Oro than Kabuto now," she mused, "But I still say you're being paranoid."

"It's the dark thing you have going on," Sora pointed out, "Kinda makes you irresistible."

"What do you mean by that?" the raven haired said as a bright blush appeared on his face.

Before either of the others could answer an alarm sounded, and all three collectively sighed, "Let's go," Hoshi said.

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Sora, what did you mean?
You really are paranoid.

Dally and the buoys went up the green grass hip. The sun was basking shadowly on the vines and the home above was candles and. They knocked on the door but did no one answered because there was a banging on inside.

I GET IT!

“Whats goin the ******** on in there??” said Dally ceriously… they peeed in the window to see Lupins naked body on top of Tonks. Her pubes were pink and his c**k was extronomos because hes part werewolf. He rammered it inside of the p***y and then licked it up…

Oh s**t, they actually are.
And apparently very flexible.

“OMG we are watcheng them ********,” said Sasuke he was a lil hard cuz like watching porn?

“oh tonks oh tonks,” said Lupin, “your p***y jucie tastes like juicy juice,” he said and lapped it up more. It was squirtling into his mouth like a super soaker clause he was good at gave blowjobs… then he got up and started giveng her the anals

Oh dear gods.
Seriously, the writer has never had sex.
She doesn't even have the book the doctor gives you when you hit puberty.

“SASUKE WAT THE ********,” Link said, he moved his hand now a lil and accieditaly touched Sasu’s bonner. He punched him in the d**k and was like “THATS FOR BEING A HOMO.”

“GAYS,” Dally shouted, “shut UP or they’ll hear us…”

Again with the anti-gay sentiment here. And seriously, if anyone is, it's Sasuke.
And if Link touched... Besides, who does she think all these extra guys are going to end up with?
Thank you!

Suddenly Lupin cracked his egg towards the window… “What was that??” she sniffed. “omg do you thank someone is watchen us ********??” Tonks said and put her nips back on. “Yes I do cuz I can smell the erection…”

Sora, I can smell your... OUCH
Don't you start.

He schot off down towards to the voordeur and tore it open to see students the group by him, he looked down for Sasuke’s big bone and grred… “******** you kids paying attention to me and my b***h having sex??”

They do?

“That’s an aid,” said Dally reliefed.”Listen Lupin put some close on and we’ll talk to ya in a sec…”

He went inside and put his Abercrombie t on and some khaki pants and took a fast shower since him and Nymphodora were neuken. “Okay whatchya want?”

I'm rereading that part and it's still not making sense.
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I'd take her if I had one wish.
But she's been gone since that summer.. Since that summer.

“We need you to tell Harry that crack is whack and he needs to kill Dumbledore…” Dally said in the long run. “Well s**t that’s a big grace to ask,” said Lupin, “Why don’t you aks Snape to kill him?”

“My friend Edwad killed him…and his d**k ><” said Dally sad, “But we’re not friends any more.”

Omigosh, I just realized her problem.
Besides the fact that crack really is whack?
She's a closet lesbian! She hates c**k worse than Yuri does.
At least Yuri takes a mostly non-violent view towards the male body.
Yeeeeeaaaaah, mostly.

“Hm well what in this for me is?” asked Lupin.

“Besides killing Dumbledore we gotta kill Mystique also and we believe soon as we do that’s we its blood in a bath-tub are able remove and placing in small flasks.” Dally manifested and showing some vials, “After drinking that ******** mut’s blood we its powers might reach, and she has to the capacity no matter what become they wants.”

I want to be a firefighter!
I want to be an astronaut!
I want to be a ranger!

“s**t that’s ******** up…” said Lupin, “So Dumbledore is a a** musketier?”

No, he's an a**-pirate!
Of the Caribbean?
You know it.

“Yes and he’s ruining Hogwarts,” said Dally she was so full of hate, “We sued to think he was a pretty cool dudes but now he’s just a God forgotten fully used up dirty AIDS bin.”

“That ********, Lupin pounded his fist against a wall “I can’t believe this… I was like best friends with that guy…”

And he didn't even give me the courtesy of a god-damned reach-around!

“Well will you help us?” Dally adduced getting on herpes.

There's medicine for that.

“Of course I will… I’ll confort Harry about this soon.”

They left Lupin’s hotel and welked back to Hogwarts. “Well that was profit,” said Dally.

I got a hundred bucks out of it!

„What were that you are saying no friends with Edward?” said Link connection happened.

“Its just we became into a fight,” Dally said, “He has a feelings for me and I turned him down. Ithink he goes to the Dark Side…..” Hiei grred.

Sweetie, he is a vampire.
That whole, living off of blood thing, it's pretty damn dark.
I'm amazed that neither of you made a Star Wars joke.

“This can’t is…” said Link, “Edward were an integer part of our team, without him we have paralyzed. Seriously.”

“Just don’t worry about it, gays…” said Dally, she started become annoyed.

Seriously, Haru and I would destroy her mind.
Probably long before you two got into the actual sex.

They dropped s**t. “So what do we do now?” asked Hiei. “We wait…” said Sasuke, “Meanwhile I have to go to my room to…. .study…” “By Sasuke!” said Dally.

“That masturbator!” said Link and they all laughed and walked adaware…

Oh dear gods.
Masturbation is a healthy ...OUCH!
I was talking about them defecating in public.

Sora wrapped his arms around Hoshi's shoulders as they got up to go to the next room, "We should do something for him," he whispered, nodding towards Karasu.

She grinned, "He does seem to be on edge, what did you have in mind?"