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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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 Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:34 pm
So, a majority of the active members here in the guild have expressed an interest in creative writing. Some of you (and myself included) have deviantART accounts, and others don't want to post their writings for any number of reasons.
I figured I would create this thread with some creative writing exercises, most of which I did in my creative writing classes in both high school and college. I would love for everyone to participate, even you shy people! It's fun. Seriously.
These exercises are very easy, and there's no right or wrong way to do them, provided you follow the basic instruction(s). I'll post an exercise in the second post of this thread every week or so (depending on amount of activity). Come do these to better yourself, to relieve stress or just have fun! This thread is for exercises only, not discussion or critique. If you want to discuss or critique things, either PM each other, or we can start a separate thread for that sort of thing. (I just don't want this muddied up, y'know?)
You can do any exercise as many times as you like, by the way. Maybe you have multiple ideas. That's totally cool. Post them all! Posting something you already wrote is cheating... write NEW STUFF! Oh yeah, and please put the exercise number at the top of your post, if you can remember to do that one teensie thing.
I will be editing your posts with critique (which I will put in a separate colour). I was thinking about doing it via PM, but it would be more helpful to everyone to have any critique in the open where everyone can read it. When I critique, I tell things like they are, but I try not to be mean. If I offend you in any way, please PM me and let me know. If you want to discuss your critique, you may either PM me, or edit your post and discuss after my critique text.
Can I critique too? I want to occupy my time. -Zassalis
Yes you may. We can alternate, or you can just critique when you have time and I don't. -Deora
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Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:47 pm
Exercise #3
Description
Time to get a little more involved. For those of you who have been writing continuous or semi-continuous stories, this is going to get very interesting. We are going to create some poetic description. Typically, this should not be overused, because most readers tire of it quickly, especially when the wording gets too flowery for taste. However, over-the-top description is sometimes the best way to get the point across.
Here's how we're going to do it for this exercise. Get out a piece of paper (or open a computer document) and write down 10 adjectives then make a separate list of 10 nouns. Now make as many combinations as you can. They don't have to make sense. If you think you can use a nonsensical combination to describe something, then go for it. But we're not done yet! now take your top five combinations and post them at the beginning of your post. Then write using at least those five, and if you want to use more, have at it! I'd appreciate it if you posted those, too, so I can see, but at least have those top five.
I think this probably works better with poetry, and I've never tried it with prose, so if I have time I'll give it a go, too. 3nodding
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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 8:53 pm
Past exercises are kept in my journal. If you missed one or just really REALLY liked one, have at it! Just make sure you put which exercise you're doing at the top of your post.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 8:14 am
Exercise 1
Cyrene walked slowly down the beach, revelling in the rumbling sound of the rushing tide, clawing at the sand and crashing against the jagged rocks that jutted from the sand shore like dragon's teeth. Seagulls screamed above the roar of the ocean as they wheeled overhead.
She halted and looked out to sea, shading her eyes against the bright sun reflecting off the blue-green water. Her eyebrows furrowed, and her mouth twisted itself into a frown. The dark shape of a boat or a ship tossed about in the water near the horizon. She unslung her backpack, dropping it in the gravelly sand, and rummaged around in it. Unable to find what she was looking for, she sighed and dug deeper. "A-ha!" she exclaimed as she surfaced from the depths of her belongings. She put the brass spyglass to her eye and sought the dark shape among the waves.
Critique:
(That's right, I'm going to critique myself, after letting my entries sit for a while.) I repeated "sand" twice in the first sentence. It's long enough that few people would notice it, but I could have substituted "shore", and that would have made it less redundant. It looks like I forgot to put a comma during a compound sentence in the second paragraph. Oops.
Looking back on this, I really like my descriptions. My especial favourite is when she looks through her bag and then "surfaced from the depths of her belongings". I think that portrays either the sheer size or amount of her backpack or belongings, respectively, and it also kind of goes along with the whole ocean thing, though that was unintentional.
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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:53 pm
Exercise One
From the highest point, on the sturdiest cliff, a solitary albatross rested, looking down at the bay. It was sheltered by high rocks on one side, brown and gold in the sunrise. The waves washed the rocks, making them shine to compete with the reflection of the sun on the water. The rocks sighed as the water drew back to rush at them again. Every crash added another layer of glitter to the aged rocks.
The side the large bird was on was sheltered by the mass of rock and topsoil. Teal water swirled in the remaining open space, bringing new sand in to replace what the sea had taken before. Foam and seaweed also crawled into the sheltered bay by the swirls of teal and green.
As if on cue, the seabird lifted off to the sound of a wave. It's wings buoyed it up on the echoes of laughter. Curious, it circled around to take a better look with the rising sun at its back. A two-legger on the tide line was playing with a dog in the spray of the waves. Both were drenched.
The albatross cried its song and started to fly away into the sun. The two-legger and its companion would have scared the fish to deeper water. It beat its wings and swiftly made way for deeper, blue water, leaving the playing beings behind.
Critique:
In the first paragraph, the albatross does not rest "from the highest point", because that implies movement or origin. If it is resting, I would change that to "atop" or "at". Also, were the rocks or the albatross "brown and gold in the sunrise"? It reads like the rocks are, but it also makes me wonder if you're not talking about the bird. You also have a little redundancy, like I did. For this instance, though, it doesn't look like you can substitute anything without sounding like you pulled out a thesaurus (which means nothing else actually fits well in this situation, and trying to force it would be obvious). In this case, I would divide the redundancy by some more words. Perhaps, "The waves washed the bases of the rocks," or something to that effect. Then, in the next sentence, you can replace "the rocks" (which has been used 3 times in 3 consecutive sentences now) with "they," especially since you mention the water. And the last "rocks" you could probably get away with changing to "stones" or "megaliths" (if you want to get really fancy).
The first sentence of the second paragraph has a hanging preposition: "The side the large bird was on". Prepositions are supposed to have objects, and it is very difficult to make that object come before the preposition (in English). Grammatically, this would be changed to "The side on which the large bird sat," or something to that effect. This sort of wording always sounds very formal (to me, at least), and for some writing that works, but if you don't think that fits well with your style, you need to find a way to rework it. Like so: "The mass of rock and topsoil sheltered the albatross on the side where it was sitting." Sounds less fancy, but I didn't change the meaning, or any of your words, aside from adding a verb for the albatross.
The next sentence is great, and I love it. The third one, however, has a couple problems. First, you repeat "teal" (I'm a nitpicker for redundancy, especially if it can be fixed without sounding bad). And your verb is a little muddled. For me, I would change your sentence to, "Foam and seaweed also crawled into the sheltered bay, joining the swirls of blue and green." If you are going to give an object or character something to do, even if it's passive, it should have a strong verb, and the reader should know exactly what it's doing.
In the third paragraph, you used "it's" instead of "its". "It's" is the contraction for "it is", while "its" is a possessive pronoun. If it helps, you only add an apostrophe to form the possessive for a noun; pronouns do not use apostrophes. Ever.
Aside from my nitpickiness, you had some good description here. The ending of this little composition leaves the story open to continue either with the "two-legger" and his dog, the albatross or something/someone else out in the "deeper, blue water". But you would need to come back to those "playing beings" in some way eventually, since they were mentioned and were "out of sorts" with the rest of the setting. Basically, you don't mention something new within a story or a setting if you don't plan to get back to it. (Holy crap, long critique is long... Hope this helps.)
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:34 pm
Exercise One Khaira walked ever so gently across the golden sand that pressed gently between her bare toes as she made her way along the breadth of the coastline. After a while , she came across a stretch of rocks extending from the beach into the water. She proceeded to a bald area between these rocks, a spot which was cleverly hidden from those who weren't attempting to look for it. "This is the place," she said quietly to herself, listening to the waves' soothing sound as they cascaded against the rocks. Memories ebbed in her mind now, the same way that the waves brushed against the earth. Some of the most important events to ever occur for Khaira happened here, one of the most simple and unsuspecting places anyone could ever imagine. The first time she had ever felt the strong emotion called love, the first time she had ever shared a kiss with someone... it all happened in this place. But at the same time, this place was a stranger. When that person had left her life for so many years one day, she had never quite felt such a strong sense of emptiness. And upon their return, Khaira found that what they had put in the hole in her heart was now shattered. They were not the same person they used to be, and she desired never to see them again. So why, then, did she keep coming back to this place? It perturbed her that despite what her old love had become, she still came back to this place. Perhaps it was because she chose to believe that the old Trisseida, the one she had loved, was still there buried underneath the layers of corrupted ambition and selfishness that now prevailed. Khaira pushed herself to her feet as the tides of memories subsided, taking a deep breath. This didn't last long, however, as a peculiar sound pervaded the air about her. She found herself oddly drawn to it, getting to her feet to track it down. Critique:
This starts out pretty good. In the second paragraph (after the dialogue), however, you say that the "waves brushed against the earth". As a little nitpick, when I hear "earth", I think dirt, not sand or anything beachy. I think a different word choice would probably go better here.
In the fourth paragraph, "quite" is an unnecessary word and should be removed. Also, you have a bit of a pronoun problem. "Them" and "they" are only to be used for plural subjects. In English, when you give a pronoun for a person but either do not have the gender or do not want to reveal it, you use the masculine pronouns of "him and "he". Always. If it were an animal, such as a dog, you could probably get away with using "it" in the same situation. But never "them". You also keep repeating "this place". "Here" would be an appropriate alternative, or take the opportunity (only once, probably) to describe the location a bit more. "Why did she keep coming back to this sheltered cove?" And finally, in the last sentence she "gets to her feet," but just a short bit before that, she also "pushes herself to her feet". Keep an eye out for repetitions like this. I would change it to something like, "he found herself oddly drawn to it, leaving the shelter of this place of memories to track it down."
The descriptions in this are great. You really captured the feel of an ocean-side scene. You also used big words (properly), which I love. X3 And the emotion was as strong as the setting description, if not more so, taking a central position within the description, which is fine because Khaira's memories and emotions were more important than the actual setting.
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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 10:35 pm
New exercise is up.
Zassalis was here. ^__^
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 8:19 pm
(Thank you for the wonderful feedback Deora. I really appreciate the in depth breakdown and analysis you gave me!)Exercise Two Khaira heaved on the flimsy wooden door as hard as she could. The frail object flew outward, the poor thing nearly snapping off of its hinges. She tromped out of the doorway in frustration and began to make her way down the streets of Stormwind as curious citizens watched her, taking care to keep their distance from her. "Khaira! Wait!"A young man came out of the door after her, stopping in the doorway. "Piss off!" she yelled back. The man hung his head and turned back around, heading inside of the building which he had just come from. "It's always the same thing!" she exclaimed angrily, her hands clenched into two tight fists. "I'm sick and tired of his crap!" Khaira continued storming through the streets, making her way through the mage quarters until she reached the park. She stopped near a tree, glaring at it as if this inanimate object had committed some horrendous act. Without hesitation she took out one of the daggers from its scabbard buckled around her waist, stabbing it into the tree as she screamed at the sky. She released her grip on the dagger and turned around, falling against the tree. She slid down to a sitting position, hanging her head. In an instant her rage dissipated, almost as if it were never there. However just as quickly as this rage had left did sadness manifest itself. She felt tears berate the back of her eyes, and it took her all she had to keep the dam from breaking. "Why... why does he always do this...?" she asks herself, staring at the grass between her legs. She pulled up her feet and hugged her legs, burying her face in her knees as her voice began to break and her body began to tremble. She brought up her hands and put them on her head, grabbing two handfuls of her hair as she broke down. Right about now it probably appeared that this poor woman was more misery than she was human, and they weren't far from the truth. (I hope you don't mind, but I added in a little extra emotion to try and make it a bit longer and a bit better...
After re-reading it I am highly dissatisfied. D: But it's what I submitted...)Zassalis Critiquing
I don't really know if it's my place to give criticism, but here goes.
Let me start by saying I don't think you really stuck to the challenge Deora was giving.
Moving on to personal nitpicks, I believe that perhaps you should have detailed this man a little bit more. What did he look like? A name isn't required since it's obviously a one-shot thing, but perhaps you could have depicted him a bit better. I also believe that perhaps you could have added in what it was this man did to make Khaira so angry. Are they romantically involved and get into an argument? Did he do something she told him not to do? It leaves the readers wondering what happened when in truth we would like to know.
I noticed you also write in a sort of past tense right up until the line "'Why... why does he always do this...?"' she asks herself, staring at the grass between her legs." You kept using past, such as "exclaimed" and "yelled," but then you switch to present using "asks." You have to be mindful of things like this lest they throw the reader off. The last thing I have an issue with is at the very end, when you wrote "they weren't far from the truth." Who is "they?" You failed to mention a specific someone, something, or group of people. There is no "they" to think Khaira is more misery than human.
Aside from these things it was wonderfully written, and I would love to read your full stories sometime.
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:12 pm
Exercise 2
((Heh, apparently I've much work to do in order to further myself... Well, truth be told, I didn't really like that description piece much anyway. Kind of sucked to me. I don't ever use seashores... so heck if I made it right at all.
Unrelated but interesting... steelblue is close to cornflowerblue... which is Kairon's speech/thought colour. xDD
Also... after writing this... epic blah at the ending. Again. *headdesk*))
Icy eyes shone in the darkness, peering out from a weary, anger-creased face. A red slick dribbled into one of the creases to mingle with some clear drops. The sweat and blood mixed for a few moments before making their way down next to the cold, blue pools.
"Finish me, then, if you're not gonna' let me leave, you damned coward," A growling voice demanded. The sound was barely heard over the crunch of sandy gravel and the heavy breathing of men. Light from the half-moon coming out from behind a cloud finally revealed more than just the glitter of eyes.
Two men stood toe-to-toe with their clothes ragged from a long knife fight. Both knives were bloodied.
The first man had been the speaker; ice-blue eyes, white hair, and a frown to make a rock split adorned what could be seen of him. A shadow from a building blocked the tattered navy shirt and dark jeans from proper view. The other man was more visible despite his clothing. He had black hair, a black dress shirt, black slacks, emerald eyes dark with malice, and a grin wider than the evil streak in his heart.
"No, I think I'll play with you a bit longer, Kairon." The second one replied. "Kairon" replied with a huff of anger.
"Leave me alone!" Kairon told his opposition. As if on cue, Kairon's next move, an attempt to escape, was blocked. He was the smaller man, the younger man, and unable to run from what could be disaster. All by a piece of reddened steel that threatened life. "Screw you, Raphael!" Kairon yelled. This time, he lashed out in anger. A swift left hook caught the assailant off guard. Kairon took advantage of the stunning blow and ran.
Two blocks of adrenaline-driven running later, Kairon collapsed into an alleyway's shadows. He stabbed his short, bloodied pocket knife into a crack in the concrete with the vicious energy he would have used on Raphael's face. This would be where he had to stay until morning; Kairon had no energy left to even let go of his weapon.
Zassalis Critiquing
Personally, I love the wording you use throughout the entire thing. You're good at being descriptive in most of the story, but there are a few spots where it falls a bit short.
I liked the way you depicted the blood at the beginning. It allows the reader to assume that maybe it's blood, or maybe it's something else. However as I continued reading and came across the "clear drops" and "blue pools," I asked myself "What clear drops and blue pools?" I assumed that the clear drops you mentioned before was the sweat mentioned soon after, but I couldn't quite figure out what these mysterious "blue pools" were. Water? Rain?
Also, don't capitalize the A in "A growling voice demanded."
When you said "Both knives were bloodied" I thought "Well, that wasn't as cool as I was hoping it would be." What sort of knives are they? Butterfly knives, switchblades, just a regular pocket knife? As an appreciator of weapons, I would have loved to have seen more description for the knives they were using. And as a fan of action, I would have also liked to read a nice vivid description on the blood dripping from the knives instead of reading that they were simply "bloodied."
'No, I think I'll play with you a bit longer, Kairon.' The second one replied." When you have this man speak, again, the T in "the" shouldn't be capitalized, and instead of a period there should be a comma unless you end the man talking to go on to describe something else, or have him perform an action.
"'Leave me alone!' Kairon told his opposition." When I see an exclamation mark, I think of anger, surprise, or shock. Instead of writing "Kairon told," I think you should have written "Kairon exclaimed." That way when you reached the part where Kairon yells "Screw you, Raphael!" it doesn't sound redundant. After he yells at Raphael, I think you could have afforded to combine some of the later sentences. "This time, he lashed out in anger, a swift left hook catching the assailant off guard, stunning him briefly. Kairon took this temporary advantage over his opponent, fleeing before he had the chance to recover from the blow."
Right at the end, there's the description of the knife I was looking for! But it's a tad bit late.
All in all, it definitely captured my attention and held it throughout the entire read. Keep it up!
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Posted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:40 am
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Tree Spirit Deora Captain
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Posted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 4:29 am
Exercise Three beautiful acoustics
ancient wilderness
immense rainstorm
voiceless afterthought
witty beggar
crooked vase
nervous thrillKhaira sat on one of the many benches set up along the worn walls of the Stormwind cathedral, behind the pillars that held the large roof up above their heads. It was here that she often came to think, and even now she was stuck in a voiceless afterthought like she typically was. In this safe haven, as terrified of lightning and thunder as one could possibly be, she cared not about the immense rainstorm raging just outside. She was too enthralled in her thoughts and the beautiful acoustics of this hallowed hall to be bothered by such trivial things such as bad weather. "What did he mean...?" she asked herself subconsciously. "That man... that witty beggar knows something. Or perhaps he's just toying with me..." she continued rambling to herself, staring at the stone floor beneath her feet. "Yes. Surely that was it... nothing more than a clever ruse to get a nervous thrill out of me." Khaira pushed herself to her feet, ready to leave the cathedral before a fierce and unrelenting crack of lighting boomed overhead. The sheer shockwave from the sound shook the cathedral to its foundations, some of the priests and priestesses nearby required to keep some of the fragile things inside from falling. Khaira looked around in terror for a moment, her eyes coming to rest upon a now uneven vase. "I... think I'll wait a bit longer..."( Thank you for the feedback, Zass! And I hope I did this right. D: )
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