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Dr. Veil wins with "Mild Obsession", for sure. Highly entertaining, togue-in-cheek presentation from a poem that I can't say enough good things about, but just have. Masterful rhyming.

Erinn's "Something is Rotten in the State of Denmark" was really nice, and gave the other a run for its money. The second stanza outshined the rest of the poem, though, especially the last one. Ending a poem like that without sounding melodramatic is very difficult, so she still did a good job.

Vannak would have taken third, had his entry been within guidelines.

It was a close race between Barboxacon and Ms. Conception for actual third place, but I give it to Ms. Conception, since I remembered and retained more of her piece, and was pleasantly surprised by its tone. Barboxacon's was a little overly abstract, actually bordering on nonsense (not necessarily a trait I dislike in a poem, but it's a tough act to sell).

Besides that, I don't think anything else is worthy of an honorable mention. 3nodding

Okay, I'll get started 3nodding

Leonis - Marijuanna (We've save this one for later consideration, as I think it might fall into the catagory of "educational/demonstration poem," which is sometimes difficult to judge.)

Plaques and Tangles - This one has an acceptable rhyme scheme (follows the shakespearean sonnet) From what I can tell, it follows the ten syllables per line requirement, but has numerous breaks away from iambic pentameter, such as:

Overcome, broken
weary, always
faces, places
Staring out at

(All these seem to be trochees)

Fickle time turns short blank
blue eye

Then there's areas like time turns, and short blank, which I'd consider doubled stressed, or spondees. Perhaps trying being more consistant with your iambic replacements.

Barboxacon - Untitled - I'd watch the use of "emboss" and "unbeds," as they're the iambic oddmen out in your majority of trochees. Why not just have trochees and a few spondees? I notice your syllable scheme changes for the last two lines, to go with the slurring image? I tend to enjoy slant rhyme, though this poem could be perhaps a little less fragmented (sentences tend to improve clarity).

DrVeil - Mild Obession - abab rhyme scheme, though now/goal seem like a little bit of stretch to me. Now and upon in fact may be unneccessary words. The subject matter here is somewhat refreshing.

gunguru - Music and Song - Okay, this guy has a rhyme scheme, though I think some of his lines are a bit too focused on fitting that end rhyme ("I" and "you," pronouns and other little words can be fillerish in terms of getting the message across). Also watch out when using words like "unglued," if we were playing pictionary and thinking about what goes with what, glue might be a strange element to add to your poem. I might think about doing more with it metaphorically if I wished to include it, you don't have to use it for just one purpose wink

Aethiana - Shattered - I think this might be improved if the hope were shattered on the pavement stone and washed away. (Keep the pavement stone unshattered initially, and think one more step in terms of what you could compare hopes to. In other words, think of an object that somebody might throw out onto the pavement, and why, and think of what contents it might contain that would wash away. such development would help you avoid the cliche pitfalls of this idea.

Rain/pain is a rhyme combination I'd avoid unless I had a very good reason. Icy wind from outerspace is a bit more interesting, maybe focus more on how the rain freezes (You can still use rain, I'm just saying try to find another end rhyme that doesn't involve that pair.)

BonBonSpiceFan - Untitled - Hmm, I think switching from a short to long syllable count could go with the idea of "a vision skewed" (I did something with 12 syllable lines once, ran me out of breath, heh)

I'd watch out for content: "so called" isn't easy to use to use well, and the middle stanza sort of abstractly dances around the point you're trying to make. Always watch out for your number of multisyllable "concept" words, they can paint broad strokes of meaning that can obscure your specific, personal message.

[-E r i n n-] - Something Is Rotten In The State of Denmark - ooh, an orc and hamlet poem! surprised I found the second stanza with the ghost most interesting, however, again you want to be careful with things like angels and devils, madness and sadness, these again are concept words, and they aren't quite the same as somebody going mad within a certain context, or somebody crying into their picnic basket under a yew tree.

irish_flower - The Withered Rose - Sparkle and in are unrhymed surprised "That darkness is just before dawn." is a cliche you'd rather not use. "Lost is the hope I believed in," however is kind of interesting, I'd develop this, how were you lost, or this state of being lost, how was it the hope you believed in? Try to think up a visual that would represent this message. "As healthy as it is high" could maybe just go with "healthy and high?"

This be Richard - Wooden Mentor - Hmm, seems to be on the right track with the wood descriptions, the three dimensions, how that's worded is interesting, I get the impression that the setting is some kind of inn, perhaps build on that?

and you can claim a life of ease;
it is the one direction
that you don't need to appease.
The floorboards offer charity
to your impoverished mind
and then, embraced by gravity,
you will be blissfully blind.

Probably the least compelling area, again, you have general concepts with "life of ease," "improvished mind," but these are generalized. Things like "blissfully blind" are also kind of vague, blissfully blind does not say how one is blissfully blind, give us a picture and let use draw the conclusion of its meaning. "one direction" seems like filler in that it is life of ease that does not need appeased, be more specific, compare the life of ease to an arrow, a pathway, a trail in the brush.

((I'm taking a break now sweatdrop ))

Here's the second half of the critiques, I need to think a little more on the recommendations.

GinTsuki - Black Roses - Hmm, Black Roses and Blueprints, that could be a refreshing take on the often used rose. Maybe go for "Another candle extinguished by a breath." Always go for the more natural verbal construction when you can, and perhaps play on the connotative properties of breath (could mean a short distance in the right context?) Also it might help if you could get a rose or a rose bush of some sort physically in front of you, might help you to think of more concrete comparisions between the rose's shape and your more emotive material. Some more details with the blueprints would also be nice, whenever you have an object in a poem, try to spend time with it before going to the next.

"I'm becoming familliar with reflecting my frown?" (I'd trim out "reflecting here" wink

Black roses splayed on a diagram.
Petals bleeding into the pages.
Blueprints on the people left to damn.
Detailed maps to their stainless cages.

Notice in "diagram, pages, blueprints, and detailed maps" you have a bit of redundancy. "Bleeding into pages" is a little bleh, it might be improved if you said how do they bleed into pages. Always ask questions of your words, think about how to give them shape and what to compare them to. Could petals bleed like ink? Hmm, I'm not sure, what instruments are used to draw up blueprints? Might be interesting to bring drafting into this, drawing a rose as if it were a schematic or architectural design.

I'll rescue a thousand moths from their choices.
Or perhaps watch their toasted death.

Like a moth to a flame, eh, cliche?

Two strands of the same vine spiralling around each other.
One looking to reach the sky the other just clings.

This is a little wordy, but I think you're on the right track.

Only good at expressing their symbolism - in the grave.

And this is interesting.

Castron_Niemest - You and Me Forever Free - I'm partial to bits like "Satan's Tree" and "Castle of Thrill" though "insane" is so often used in end rhymes that it is difficult to compell me with it (Actually, I like writing with insane and weird imagery, so show how insane people think you are. You'd probably be better off with no commas than a comma after every line, and maybe breaking this up into stanzas. The number of rhyming couplets here also makes me think that you could condense the same message in much less material.

He sent you down from his castle of thrill,
To lighten my path and take me back,
Back to the person I was when I first met

It seems you're referring to a good bit of personal material here, but don't just refer to memories, journeys, and love, show us what happened. How did you two end up flying? (Seems a little Icarus-like actually, flying to reach god or some ideal, and seperation would mean falling back to earth. You might want to illustrate more on how both of you are required to be together for the apparatus to fly, two wings would be the easy way, but maybe you could be airplane wings, and he the propeller. Icarus is often done in poetry however, so you'll have to be careful not to be like all the rest.

Diabolikai - Cataclysmic Fluctuation - Dude,

Lost in the corridors, trapped in the halls
Of the emptiness within my soul

Find a way to use empty halls to represent the emptiness of your soul, be subtle about this, because coming out and saying it flatly usually doesn't work.

But dwell with my conscience, a fallen angel

Okay, fallen angel is kind of cliche, but at least you are using it to flesh out your conscience via metaphor, so your conscience is not so abstract, it's more approachable. You may wish to illustrate more about this fallen angel, have them do this or that or wear this or that to give more clues about your conscience. And what kind of fallen angel (Lucifer, or another one? Or from another mythology altogether?)

I can't see right or wrong
Black and white has left my sight

Black and white, right and wrong are commonly used in poetic ping pong, surely you could tell us something more specific about your troubles?

Manipulated my whole life
I see nothing but fog

Think about why the word fog is here, what makes it better than another word choice for obstructed vision. The rule should be once you add a word like that to a poem, do more with it. Fog can be green, fog can be thematic, where is the fog located, if it's in your head, okay, what the inside of your head look like? The side of mountain with a car careening through the guard rail?

And so the complex collapses, the structural fecility
My heart is set to run against the modern imbecility
And so I am fated to a mortal condemnation
All for rolling against the cataclysmic fluctuation

Multisyllable abstractions tend to function better in lesser quantities, imbecility is a rather broad concept, I'd say you could better said what you wish to say with specific examples, then maybe parlay that specific example as representitive of the "big stupidity"

Uniika - Oh, Paper Heart - heart and start is an often used end rhyme, as are some others in this poem. Don't let the end rhyme take over, there's plenty of room for interesting imagery before the last word on each line. Chop out rendundancy. Things like "So easy it is to see" are often unnecessary because we "see" what you're speaking of already.

Past the weak wall my heart built
And like the wall which withers
My paper heart shall wilt

My paper heart will wither like a weak wall? A weak wall of what? Your heart built it, but what is it? A wall of rose petals, of origami?

Oh, heart so thin as paper

"So" may be unnecessary, and repeating paper heart doesn't quite get off the ground for me. If you're going to use it, go somewhere different with it. Tell us new details about your particular paper heart.

Esp1on - Shards - You might want to take a look at the other "shatter" themed poem in this contest, it's a common comparision to link glass with mirrors and cutting things. I'd think in your poem, you want to emphasis more on how these are really tiny slivers, and the blisters seemed different, but how are you transitioning from glass to paper cuts to burns? These don't go together to me, you might want to determine the sources of each individually, always think about where your words and comparisions are coming from.

They HIT the GROUND and SHATter
Too SMALL and LILtle to MATter (maybe cut out "to"?)

The repetition does bring about a certain consistancy in your meter.

How the little pieces falling,
Did cause this earthquake

(I suggest) And you never notice until too late (trim! And pay attention to word tenses.)

How the little pieces fell
and caused an earthquake.

good_goth_number_2 - Betrayed - A generalized statement of lies and truth within the context of a relationship is not your friend, first task to start on is how this relation was unique and how exactly were you betrayed. Okay, it doesn't have to be exactly, but we like to have some kind of image or metaphor to better illustrate what went on. What you don't want to have is a plot summary, yeah, so and so lied to so and so, and they were together and there were some bad feelings, this is a vague and conceptual, and will be difficult for the readers to see a picture uniquely representitive of you. Specifics, develop the situation more.

spare my feelings
sent my head reeling ("sent me reeling" might fit the pattern better.)

padfoot_xx - Twilight - Each creature wishes there were more moons?

When the darkness comes, you know it's the end,
Only you are left to fend. (second person bleh)
Seeping through the power of the night,
Twilight gives you power and might.

I was a little confused here, because mentioned darkness before seeping, and darkness might be more likely to seep, but I think you mean light. Maybe pick a more light-like movement for the twilight?

the power of the night,
you power and might.

(This repetition seems alright, but you got an extra syllable in there.)

They laugh and run and spin and shout.

(Good imabic run for the merriment of the demons.)

neat, white mass,
long, green grass.

(I thought this structural mirroring effect was decent, might even be stronger if you share some more of the same word sounds, maybe try this in other parts? Note too that the comma is in the same place, helps with repeating the same flow.)

.S.k.i.t.z.O. - The Chronicles Of Summer - Hmm, inviting the reader to remember a universal concept of summer? This might be one of those times where some generalizations can be excused, because it seems that you are talking about summer icons and such in general (Maybe include little sand buckets, sea shells, that sort of thing?)

We'll remember the anthems we sung,

Hmm, anthems seems more school-like or militaristic, seems out of place on a beach. Though singing until throats are raw, kissing til lips are sore seems to symbolize living life until it wears out, you might not even need to say that's what it means. Grass stains seems to indicate a chance in scenery from the beach. What kind of music is being played at full volume?

As the thousands of people stare spellbound,

(Maybe cut this down to "staring spellbound," "thousands" isn't the best modifier in my opinion)

princess_pixie - Untitled - The subject matter is somewhat different then what I'm used to seeing, but pay attention your spelling. This seems a little bit on the telling side, but then again... Ok

(So I took an art class to get my feet wet.)

Feet wet sticks out to me, it's one of those ready-made cliche statements that will bite you unless you pay attention to connotative potential of feet or wet. Maybe talk about drawing Duckies? Go for something cutesy, you know ducks are born with the ability to float, but it takes time for their feathers to insulate them? Beh, probably not a great comparision, but think of one. (to mirror your determination.)

Ms. Conception - Simplicity -

Instead of made of marrow and ligaments

(Chop out "of made." Second stanza isn't too shabby, not too shabby at all.)

Simplicity is all the more

(All the more of what? Perhaps you're better of with the showing instead of saying with simplicity there's more. I tend to think that simplicity at times is better for extended metaphor activities.

I miss it when the grass was green
Before lawn mowers, before even the sickle
I miss it when no one was mean
Now we got ourselves into a pickle

(That pattern changes up a bit here, is there any faster way from getting from the grass to pickles?)

"I miss it when the grass was green
because now our lawns grow pickles." (? idea)

Sickles are a simplier version of lawn mowers? Alrighty.

Taxes, laws, nuclear missiles and gas?
Give me a teepee in the hills away from this mess!
Offer me your welfare, but I'll pass
Don't you know that more is less?

(Argh, more is less may be cliche. I'd work on strengthening some of those contrasts, as you've already got some humor/liveliness here.)

I'd go with:

1st, 2nd, and 3rd place

GinTsuki - Black Roses
This be Richard - Wooden Mentor
Leonis - Marijuanna


Honourable Mentions:

padfoot_xx - Twilight
Ms. Conception - Simplicity

I am confused, because the only sticky I see is the one for the WWCF Chairity thread.