About

Fragile, handle with care”
those words are best to describe me.
I am Taylor Traumatic AKA Lily Lifeless; I am no longer hiding myself from people. I generally give off the façade that I am strong, that I am ok with myself, that I am not afraid. That is not it at all, that is not me. I am scared of myself and of being alone. I have been hurt, my heart has been broken, and my soul has been shattered. I try not to dwell on the past any longer though. I am seventeen and feel as if I have lived a hundred years. I dress goth or emo for reasons that don’t make any sense; the way I see it if I dress in ways that alienate people. The ones that I don’t alienate; the ones that stick by me through my thick eyeliner and chains and corsets and fishnets are the people that I truly want in my life. Those are the people who will be there for me no matter what. Because they realize that appearances mean NOTHING. I constantly look for things to make me happy, things to distract me from myself. If there is one thing in this world that is dangerous to me; that thing is…me. I should never be alone with myself; I should never be allowed to make decisions on impulse, but I constantly do. I am left alone to try to tend to my own confused and wry mind, and I make mistakes. I have a home life that is more mixed up than anyone can believe. I don’t go into it in detail though unless I know you. Songs impact my life. Period. The lyrics and sounds can go straight through my blood, to the bare core of my soul and can totally reconstruct everything from my day to my week to my year. I love to write; I am currently writing a book called Midnight Dreaming. Ask about it if you want to know more because I am not wasting time on this to explain its premise. Despite the fact I sound like the most miserable person in the world, I am actually extremely happy, or at least I think I am most of the time. I smile a lot and laughing makes me feel like I am on top of the world. I enjoy kissing, and holding, and laughing about stupid things that most people would think is retarded. I have amazing friends who have managed to keep me sane through everything in my life. I literally owe those people my life. These people have stuck by me through everything no matter what and without them; my life would be barren (and probably non-existent). I thank those people every day; I know they don’t see it, but I do. I make sure to thank them every day of my life for what they have done for me and they are my everything.
On a lighter note, my favorite animals are polar bears, and panda bears, my favorite colors are black, and any neon color under the sun. If I were a dinosaur I would be a Unicornasaurus Rex. Pretty random, right? Well, that’s just the beginning, I enjoy watching animal planet, cooking network, travel channel, comedy central and I am OBSESSED with anime, I think that Naruto is the s**t and so is a lot of other anime, I’m not ashamed to be a seventeen year old who loves Naruto and anime. I love being redhead, when I was a kid I hated it, because I was different, but now I think it is just about the best thing under the sun. I love my school, I hate the dean, but I love my school. My friends are absolutely incredible, CurbStomp, Authentic Annie, Alex, Summer, all of them are amazing. I think that drinking is ok but drinking to excess is obnoxious. Smoking weed is ok, but smoking weed every day and getting high multiple times a day, is stupid, and I can’t say anything about smoking. I smoke like a wood fire when I can get cigarettes. I smoke menthols and clove cigarettes. I’ve never gotten high, and I’ve never gotten drunk. I’m not bragging about that, because I really don’t care about what people think, I don’t care about drinking or smoking weed unless like I said above, if it’s too much. I love my lifestyle, I smoke, I go to school, I hang out, I love going to the mall whenever I can, and my best friends are at the mall. By best friends, my people are all at the mall. I love you all, I really do. I’m not even kidding, you are ******** AWESOME! Well that’s me So there you have it, now you know me, this has probably scared off everyone that I know, you’ve probably been confused and stuff, but, the people who stick around are the people I truly want in my life anyhow. I hope that this hasn’t scared you away, and who knows, maybe you’re the someone I am looking for.
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
- Aeristotle

I am ungodly clingy, I know I am and I don’t hide it anymore, I’m extremely over protective, insanely over possessive, and I get jealous VERY easily. I move way too fast in relationships and I say ‘I love you’ way way way too soon. I have tried to change these things about me and I can’t. I am what I am and nothing will change that, I don’t try to anymore, and I hope that no one tries to change me. I have a problem with ******** up relationships. I have had people who have found out everything I am saying now, and accepted it. Some embraced it. I managed to mess them up and make them leave, or I messed up and left them not realizing what I have. I have a bad habit of letting relationships control my life. I am trying to work on that.
I believe the worse part of everything I am and all my suffering, and all my mixed up and confused happiness is that I know, I am not alone. There are more people out there just like me and it kills me to think of that. No one should have to face this kind of pain, but no one should have to face it alone either. I am trying to find that something I talked about before one more time. I want someone to take care of me, someone that will hold me and make me forget. I want someone that will accept my faults and embrace my weaknesses. People like that are hard to come by; Though I can’t quite grasp why. You’d think people would appreciate someone that would be there for them and follow them like a puppy but no one seems to want that. I love being taken care of, not pampered, not ridiculous amounts of money spent on me, I like being protected. I’m not all right if I can not feel safe in the arms of whomever I’m with. I’ve prayed to so many gods, I’ve prayed to demons, I’ve prayed to Darkness and Light alike to send me someone. Then I prayed to the world...to please, send me someone to take care of me, send me someone that will hold me and tell me everything is okay, someone who won't let me be alone in this world of so many like me any longer. Please, to give me my someone.

Yes, I have loved before, I have loved deeper than I could even fathom was possible in my own mind. But...things happen. People change, and based on that you should never plan your whole life on one person. People grow, people drift, people die. No person is perminent. But...

Just because things have to end, that doesn't mean that end means goodbye.

Yes, Love is beautiful.

Death cannot stop true love; all it can do is delay it a little while"
- Wesley, The Princess Bride

Love does come to a screeching halt when you realize, you dont love anymore. That is where I am. I do not love. I have been broken, I have been mistreated, and I have been loved, the last few months I had it and I thew it away. But, I am looking for someone....if only someone to hold me....are you them?

But be wary.....I'm known to break people.....
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MetalAngel124