About

How the angels Rise up Rise up
-Wear The Lilac in memory of Terry Pratchett



Yes this is random, like i am, deal with it LMFAO,
&OMJ(Oh My Jesus) & OMFJ(Oh My ******** Jesus)
*moment of silence for the green tower*
like the black parade,
The Green Tower is dead =( and you shall never see it hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes my profile is long too so . . . maybe, never mind
-PCMKSHHS
PS-THE serial carrot killer is on the lose so look out,
PPS-or the trench coat mafia might get you too
BTW-i live in my own little world,
thanks for visiting, get your s**t and leave
Phishwa is trademarked too






Things Shonjan isn’t allowed to do!
- Not allowed to be within 10 feet of catnip
- Or to drink catnip tea
- Or do anything else with it
- Under ANY circumstances
- Not allowed to be in the mall after hours
- Not allowed to frolic
- Not allowed to talk in Olde English
- Shall not be referred to as “The Weather Man”
- Or “Cat Man,” or “Kitty”
- He may however be called “Sir Toby”
- Not allowed to get hit by cars
- Or any sort of moving object
- Not allowed to have an open umbrella in the mall
- Or in school
- Or in any indoor space
- Not allowed to be in the closet
- Not allowed to walk though a drive-through
- Not allowed near a dissection kit
- Not allowed to leave Icamane for a cat, drugs, scalpels, or a closet
- Or any combination of the four
- Not allowed near recording equipment
- Not allowed to skip
- Not allowed to use logic to disprove the existence of various solid objects
- Or reality
- Or matter
- And he may not use logic to disprove logic
- Or English
- Not allowed to get struck by lightning
- Not allowed to stick a fork in a toaster while the toaster is on
- Not allowed to stare and the sun at night
- Only allowed to make a country if Icamane gets to make the religion
- Must be an atheist Wuddist Biccan
- May not deny reality
- May not sing the time warp song
- But may sing Sweeney Todd
- May not have sharp objects
- May not have Duct Tape or Superglue
- Must wear lilac every day
- May not be a pyromaniac
- May not go commando
- May not drive or cook unsupervised
- Must wear a mismatched article of clothing always
- Must worship Pink Floyd
- May not have any “pot”
- May not place Icamane in a shoe
- Must go to Icamane’s Harry Potter church
- May not do crack
- May not “visit” hobos
- Or steal from them
- Not allowed to have power tools
- Not allowed to be left in the theatre alone
- Or be locked in the telephone booth
- Not allowed to burn down cities
- Not allowed to randomly challenge Obama to a swordfight for the Presidency

















-yummy
ICONS!!!
-i will help icamane do this ^^


-yay bus ^^







-its true
-yay i love lunch


-yes fear them
-^^

-ORANGES!



- its TRUE
- i hate it when i do that



-its TRUE!!!


-twitch

-YAY NOODLE TIME!!!!!!!


-they do, its sad







Song!!!! ^.^
Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-
Im just a poor boy,i need no sympathy-
Because Im easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesnt really matter to me,
To me

Mama,just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger,now hes dead,
Mama,life had just begun,
But now Ive gone and thrown it all away-
Mama ooo,
Didnt mean to make you cry-
If Im not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-

Too late,my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Bodys aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-Ive got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I dont want to die,
I sometimes wish Id never been born at all-

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche,scaramouche will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo,galileo,
Galileo galileo
Galileo figaro-magnifico-
But Im just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
Hes just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-
Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby-cant do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,

Any way the wind blows....

AND
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, theyd be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper Id deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldnt take one more step.

I cant remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
Singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that youre in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
And singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

Now for ten years weve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin stone,
But thats not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
And singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
And singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devils only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satans spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
And singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where Id heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldnt play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
Singin, thisll be the day that I die.
Thisll be the day that I die.

They were singing,
Bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin whiskey and rye
Singin, thisll be the day that I die.

You're building a mystery
"i am" is reportedly the shortest
sentence in the english language. could it be
that "i do" is the longest sentence?
自殺。 。 。イェーイ！ ！母イム幽霊رياح
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
-Edgar Allan Poe

i am TOBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<script src="http://www.gmodules.com/ig/ifr?url=http://www.google.com/ig/modules/translatemypage.xml&up_source_language=en&w=160&h=60&title=&border=&output=js"></script>

You are my son, you are good, go and be with them, they just want to keep it all going, they have not budged an inch in 2000 years, rigged and manipulated everything to suit themselves for all that is evil death does no longer exist, not even the word.

"
-kittie is watching you
On English: The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Sanctus Espiritus! redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus! insanity is all around us
("I speak to you for the first time as Prime Minister in a solemn hour for the life of our country" wink

Sanctus Espiritus!
Sanctus Espiritus!
Sanctus Espiritus!

In my darkest hours
I could not foresee
That the tide could turn so fast to this degree
Can't believe my eyes
How can you be so blind?
Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside?

Time keeps on slipping away and we haven't learned
So in the end now what have we gained?

Sanctus Espiritus! redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus! insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus! is this what we deserve?
Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?

Are they themselves to blame
The misery, the pain?
Didn't we let go?
Allowed it,let it grow
If we can't restrain
The beast which dwells inside
It will find it`s way somehow, somewhere in time

Will we remember all of the suffering
`Cause if we fail it will be in vain

Sanctus Espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus, insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus, is this what we deserve?
Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?

Sanctus Espiritus!
Sanctus Espiritus!
(" A tremendous battle is raging in France and Flanders. The Germans, by a remarkable combination of air bombing and heavily armored tanks, have broken through the French defenses north of the Maginot Line, and strong columns of their armored vehicles are ravaging the open country, which for the first day or two was without defenders..." wink

Sanctus Espiritus! redeem us from our solemn hour
Sanctus Espiritus! insanity is all around us
Sanctus Espiritus! is this what we deserve?
Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony? (ending agony!)

Sanctus Espiritus! redeem us from our solemn hour (solemn hour!)
Sanctus Espiritus! insanity is all around us (all around us!)
Sanctus Espiritus! is this what we deserve?
Can we break free from chains of never-ending agony?

REPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






- it comes in a little glass vile











ABOUT THE OLD ONES:
"The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, they walk serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They had trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread. By Their smell can men sometimes know Them near, but of Their semblance can no man know, saving only in the features of those They have begotten on mankind; and of those are there many sorts, differing in likeness from man's truest eidolon to that shape without sight or substance which is Them. They walk unseen and foul in lonely places where the Words have been spoken and the Rites howled through at their Seasons. The wind gibbers with Their voices, and the earth mutters with Their consciousness. They bend the forest and crush the city, yet may not forest or city behold the hand that smites. Kadath in the cold waste hath known Them, and what man knows Kadath? The ice desert of the South and the sunken isles of Ocean hold stones whereon Their seal is engraver, but who bath seen the deep frozen city or the sealed tower long garlanded with seaweed and barnacles? Great Cthulhu is Their cousin, yet can he spy Them only dimly. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! As a foulness shall ye know Them. Their hand is at your throats, yet ye see Them not; and Their habitation is even one with your guarded threshold. Yog-Sothoth is the key to the gate, whereby the spheres meet. Man rules now where They ruled once; They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter, after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here shall They reign again."

Now about moi:
my name:SPCSMTKSHHS (those are initials BTW)
im a cancer -(if you think thats a cancer, your a dumb a**) & quite frannkly thats all you (whoever you are) need to know
. . . evil. . . its what happens when good gets smart, its true too we should ban together and make our own country!!, , and yes, come to the darkside we have cookies

FUNNY quotes

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

May the forces of evil become
confused on the way to your
house."

THESE PEOPLE SHALL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUotes Cours QUotes Cours:

We make the dragons as we make the gods, because we need them, because somewere deep in our hearts, we recognize that a world without them is a world not living in. No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world wihtout magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith.



If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.

Since I grew tired of the chase
And search, I learned to find;
And since the wind blows in my face,
I sail with every wind.











There is no greater magic than that of the wind and air, it can extingish and feed the largest and smallest of fire, churn the water to mist, and cut gorges into the earth, and carry the mind and soul away, into the mist

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off.


The serpents bite with twice the pain,
with nothing learned and nothing gained.
And now the dream is real my dear
as you slowly die from what you fear

"i thought about how mothers feed their
babies with tiny little spoons and forks so i
wondered, what do chinese mothers use? toothpicks?"


Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b***h-slap the ******** upside the head...

Many people say that man is not affected by the pull of the moon. Scientists say that if that is true, then humans are the *only* thing on earth that isn't...

-Ok. So cats always land on there feet, toast always falls butter side down. So if you strap a piece of toast to a cats back, it will be frozen in the air in quantum confusion. - DONT TRY IT THOUGH, BECAUSE I AM AGAINST CRUELTY TO CATS AND WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, SO HAVE A GOOD DAY SIR' lol

............/
.........../
........../
.........|||
.........|||RIP PANSY! PUT
.........|||THIS ON YOU PAGE TO
.........|||REMEMBER PANSY WHO
......../|||WAS MURDERED BY AN MTV
......./|00|TECHNICIAN!! ="[
....../||00||
...../|||/.|||R.I.P PANSY!!!
..../|||/...|||
.../|||/.....||| <<<<< pansy was frank iero"s guitar

----///-----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---Site If
---|||---|||---You Know
-----///----Someone
-----///-----Who has or has
------///-----died of
-----///----cancer xxx
"I shall have more to say when I am dead."!!!!!

"I'm not evil! I'm just misunderstood. (long pause) And evil."

"Guys, I'm drinking Jolt. In about 3 minutes, my reaction time is going to exceed twice that of normal men. Steal another fry, I break your fingers."

"What in the name of crow was I thinking!?! retire!? I can't do this-trying to live an idiot life among idiots like you is going to drive me bat s**t psycho! I'm gonna get my swords, get my gun, put on my chain mail, and paint the walls red with you, the landlord, and your dumb pals."

It would be a million times easier to fight a demon lord with a bamboo stick, than to cross my sister.

"Don't let them push you around, for every bruise they give, give them five broken bones"-hell yea!!

"I think crime pays. The hours are good, you get to travel a lot."













Truest thing ever;
You Say Pink
I Say Black and Red
You Say Hannah Montana
I Say Adele
You Say Zac Efron
I Say Gerard Way
You Say Pop
I Say Rock
You Say I'm Weird
I Say I'm Different
PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU AGREE <3

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity!!!
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and
point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want
Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee
Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine
Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling
Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water with a serious face whenever you go out to
eat .
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical
Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their
Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16.
Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock
Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM , Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are
Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......Send
This To Someone To Make Them Smile.
It's Called! Therapy or add to your profile ^_^
LOVE
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy:No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No.
Girl: If I left would you cry?
Boy: No.
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No.
Girl: Which would you pick, me or your life?
Boy: My life.

Hearing this, the girl turns and starts running away with tears. The boy chases after her and stops her.
Boy: You don’t cross my mind because you are always on my mind. I don’t like you because I love you. I don’t want you because I need you. If you left I would die, not cry. I wouldn’t live for you because I would die for you. I wouldn’t do anything for you because I would do everything for you. But I would still pick my life because you are my life.

*sniffs* I think thats so beautiful!!!! *Put this on your profile if you agree*

*92% of teens move on to rap music. If you're part of the 8% that rock out every day, put this in your profile"




TOP TEN BAND$ maybe. . . .
1. Three Days Grace
-Animal I Have Become
-I Hate Everything About You
2. Lost Prophets
-Rooftops
-Last Train Home
3.My Chemical Romance
-The Sharpest Lives
-To The End
4. Blink 182
-Adams Song
5. Bullet For My Valentine
-Waking the Demon
-All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me)
6. Disturbed
-Ten Thousand Fists
7.AFI
-Girls not Grey
8. Serj Tankin/System of a Down
-B.Y.O.B.
-Chop Suey
9. Slipknot
-Wait and Bleed
10. Green Day








TERRY PRATCHETT QUOTES!!!!!!!!!!

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.
Terry Pratchett, (on the big bang theory)

Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...

A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.

[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.
Terry Pratchett, (regarding popcorn)

Revolutions always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.

When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror.

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word "commence" in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say "Enter", don't stop to pack.

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

As far as I'm aware I'm not specifically banned anywhere in the USA, and
am rather depressed about it. Surely some of you guys can do
*something?*
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.books.pratchett)


People whose concept of ancient history is the first series of Star Trek
may be treated with patience, because it's usually not their fault they
were reduced to getting their education from school.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.books.pratchett)


I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when
there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


"But ye gotta know *where* ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush
in *anywhere*. It looks bad, havin' to rush oout again straight awa'."
-- Feegle tactics (Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men)


There will also be the usual welter of 'Good Morning, A Place I've Never
Heard of' shows and, a lovely term, a number of drive-by signings.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they
like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their
bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them.

My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from
prosecution and c) a baseball bat smile
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


It gets worse. I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


There should be a notice ahead of the movie that says 'This
movie is PG. Can you read? You are a Parent. Do you understand what
Guidance is? Or are you just another stupid toddler who thinks they're
an adult simple because they've grown older and, unfortunately, have
developed fully-functioning sexual organs? Would you like some
committee somewhere to decide *everything* for you? Get a damn grip,
will you? And shut the wretched kid up !'
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


The difference between me and Neil in our attitude to movie projects is
that he doesn't believe they're going to happen until he's sitting in
his seat eating popcorn, and I don't believe they're going to happen.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to
understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language
devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


However, you do *need* rules. Driving on the left (or the right or, in
parts of Europe, on the left and the right as the mood takes you) is a
rule which works, since following it means you're more likely to reach
your intended rather than your final destination.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once.
Like the Borg, they learn...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is:

'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


A true beanie should have a propellor on the top.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and *I'm* me.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's
generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get *angry* when
they lose a cow.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I have to admit that I drive past Bridgwater quite regularly. And fast.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


What you have here is an example of that well known phenomenon, A Bookshop
Assistance Who Knows Buggerall But Won't Admit It (probably some kind of
arts graduate).
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress
said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the
last thing on my mind...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Never trust any complicated cocktail that remainds perfectly clear until
the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


In Reading [England] there is this thing called the IDR, short for "Inner
Distribution Road", which is bureaucratese for "Big thing that cost a lot
of money and relieves traffic problems, provided all your traffic wants to
orbit the town centre permanently". It's a 2-3 lane dual carriageway that
goes round the town centre. It has lots of roundabouts, an overhead
section, a couple of spare motorway-like exits (that's British motorways --
y'know, the roundabout with the main road going under it), and a thing
called the Watlington Street Gyratory, where you have to get in lane for
your intended destination about three years and two corners before you get
there *with no signposting*. I used to cycle along it every day to get to
school, before I fell off at 35 mph. [Kids! Don't try this at home!] I
know it well. I believe it is impossible to leave Reading heading west.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy
for those who did.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and
Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with
me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


"Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged".
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


AFPer: We've missed you, did you miss us?

TP: Yes, but I think I have time to reload.

smile
-- Terry returns to a.f.p. after a temporary absence.
(Terry Pratchett and an AFPer, alt.fan.pratchett)


I was thinking of 'duh?' in the sense of 'a sentence containing several
words more than three letters long, and possibly requiring general
knowledge or a sense of history that extends past last Tuesday, has been
used in my presense.'
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Oh, come *on*. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the
Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got
religion.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to
think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a
cheeseburger.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I once absend-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant
and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and
a bottle of chili sauce.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Well, they asked me in February, and I said it was coming out in November.
When they asked in March, I said it was coming out in November. In April I
pointed out that November, in fact, was going to be when the next book came
out. In May, when asked on many occasions about when Maskerade was coming
out, I said November. In November, it will be published. The same November
all the way through, too.
-- So Terry, when is 'Maskerade' coming out, then?
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Bognor has always meant to me the quintessential English seaside experience
(before all this global warming stuff): driving in the rain to get there,
walking around in the rain looking for something to do when you're there,
and driving home in the rain again...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of
evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed
to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average
people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical
care is widely available, houses are clean, the world's music and sights
and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, travelling even 100
miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you
don't have to die of dental abcesses and you don't have to do what the
squire tells you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and
say 'yes'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I must confess the the activities of the UK governments for the past couple
of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord
Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occured to him.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'. Now
*there's* a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I save about twenty drafts -- that's ten meg of disc space -- and the last
one contains all the final alterations. Once it has been printed out and
received by the publishers, there's a cry here of 'Tough s**t, literary
researchers of the future, try getting a proper job!' and the rest are
wiped.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that
it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without
inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of
Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.
-- Terry defending his solution to the Monty Hall problem.
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Currently there's five machines permanently networked here. They *all*
contain the serious core stuff. A couple of the machines are pensioned off
486s, with little other value now. Plus there's two Jaz drives in the
building and the portable also carries a fair amount of stuff. Plus every
Friday a man comes around and carves all the new stuff onto stone slabs and
buries them in the garden... I think I'm okay.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I think I would like to go into modelling. Of course, I don't know how to
do it, and wouldn't be any good at it if I did, so I'm going to employ
someone to walk the catwalks on my behalf. It would still be *me*, of
course...
-- Terry learns Naomi Campbell has written a book.
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


She wanted a HOLIDAY in Australia, she said, and if I turned it into work
she'd hit me -- so I gave in, because I did not want to be beaten about the
Bush.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb --
they're often *students*, for heaven's sake.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Death isn't on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death
rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T
YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


The net software here did its meltdown trick again at the weekend (it
happens about once every six months -- if only everything was as reliable
as WordPerfect 4.2, which only chews up a novel about once every two or
three years...)
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I'd like to stand up for the rights of people who put everything on their
burger -- chutney, mustard, pickle, mustard pickle, tomato sauce... It is
common knowledge in my family that I can't tell the difference between a
veggie burger and a meat one, because the ratio of burger to pickles is so
high.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


'They can ta'k our live but they can never ta'k our freedom!'

Now *there's* a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker...
-- Braveheart
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Mort isn't fashionable UK movie material -- there's no parts in it for Hugh
or Emma, it's not set it Sheffield, and no one shoves drugs up their bum...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Too many people want to *have written*.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


DW is based on a slew of old myths, which reach their most 'refined' form
in Hindu mythology, which in turn of course derived from the original Star
Trek episode 'Planet of Wobbly Rocks where the Security Guard Got Shot'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when
nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, *then* is
the time to buy a house on the next continent.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Up until now I'd always though RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


You know what I'd really, really like? What I'd pay MONEY for? A ZX81 with
a disc drive. I *understood* the ZX81. It was so easy to interface stuff to
it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Not only did I wipe Lemmings from my hard disc, I overwrote it so's I
couldn't get it back.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


To get the walkthrough, you have to take the sponge from Nanny Ogg's pantry
and stick it in the ear of the troll with the tutu, then take the lumps and
put them in the pouch with the zombie's razor.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


You can't remember the plot of the Dr Who movie because it didn't have one,
just a lot of plot holes strung together.

It did have a lot of flashing lights, though.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Dream on. British TV Is The Best In The World is on a par with the
statement about how British Justice Is The Envy Of The World ("Hey, Miguel,
how come *we* can't convict innocent people so quickly and expensively?" wink
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


You will have to look a long way before you find a bunch of scum-suckers
more greedy, humourless and deserving of death than the suits in the music
business.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I found while driving in Wyoming that wearing a stetson and driving a
beat-up pickup meant you could go as fast as you like, while the police
picked up Californian winnebagos that went one mph over 55. After all, they
wanted to *bring* money into the state, not merely circulate it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


And before anyone complains about the grammar, I'm so jetlagged that my
hands aren't even in the same time zone...
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I always call it 'Tour Flu', because two or three weeks in hot bookshops
with hundreds of people usually produces an ailment of some kind. Going on
tour is like a box of rare diseases -- you never know what you're going to
get.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Let's see, now... in HOGFATHER there are a number of stabbings, someone's
killed by a man made of knives, someone's killed by the dark, and someone
just been killed by a wardrobe.

It's a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking
through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good
breakfast.

And you don't get mugged, either.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Somewhere around the place I've got an unfinished short story about
Schrodinger's Dog; it was mostly moaning about all the attention the cat
was getting.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on
the covers... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Botswana is also the only country in the world with a colour in its flag
meant to represent rain (a sort of blue-grey). Not many people know this.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


1) I have never waved a hankie in anger
2) I do not peronally know any Morris dancers
3) But Morris dancing is kind of funny and weird at the same time.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


There are *no* inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally,
however, there are alternate pasts.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Any town built by filling a mud hole with sawdust and proudly having a
slug as a sort of civic totem is a town, one feels, where Rincewind would
feel right at home.
-- Terry looks forward to his visit to Seattle, USA.
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Somehow, trying to get Granny Weatherwax and 'panty raid' into the same
sentence is beyond me.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I'm sure we can arrange an academic scholarship for Detritus. Troll
cheerleaers would be nice: 'Two... four.... er.. many... lots'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid
chicken fat in plastic sauce.
-- The joys of travelling the world by plane
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my
hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it
hundreds of times.
-- Going to a convention is fun!
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I've always thought the Patrician is a party animal. Can you imagine
waking up next day and remembering all those witty things you said and did,
and then realising that he was listening?
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


It's an old magical principle -- it's even filtered down into RPG systems
-- that magic, while taking a lot of effort, can be 'stored' -- in a staff,
for example. No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day charging up
his staff, although you go blind if you do it too much, of course.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Take One ticket to New Orleans
Take One cab to Bourbon Street
Take steps to the counter of the all night frozen dacquiri shop.
Take One Large Cupful.
-- Terry's recipe for the Ultimate Banana Dacquiri
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


AFPer: Terry, what the heck was going on at the end of Strata? I've just
re-read the ending *again* and come up with another possible explanation
which takes the total number into double figures.

TP: See? Other people would just have given you one or two. Amazing value,
I think.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


3) I don't sign parts of the body, even if they're still attached.
-- From Terry's Rules of Book Signing
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


It's not Brits who think American readers are a bunch of whinging morons
with the geo-social understanding of a wire coathanger, it's *American*
editors.
-- Setting the record straight
(Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I don't think I've ever been critical of the money Douglas Adams makes,
especially since, as has been tactfully pointed out, I myself have had to
change banks having filled the first one up.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


Oh dear, I'm feeling political today. It's just that it's dawned on me that
'zero tolerance' only seems to mean putting extra police in poor, run-down
areas, and not in the Stock Exchange.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


I'm getting a lot of mail and email about FoC (I particularly liked the
postcard which read 'We were *sure* it was the wallpaper, you
b*****d!!!!!'). I'm glad to say that most Baconians hared off after
poissons rouge.
-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)


"But you read a lot of books, I'm thinking. Hard to have faith, ain't it,
when you've read too many books?"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


"Nac mac Feegle wha hae!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent
about *what* they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck
back.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


Perdita thought that not obeying rules was somehow *cool*. Agnes thought
that rules like "Don't fall into this huge pit of spikes" were there for a
purpose.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


Lancre operated on the feudal system, which was to say, everyone feuded all
the time and handed on the fight to their descendants.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


"I name you ... Esmeralda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


There are many rhymes about magpies, but none of them is very reliable
because they are not the ones the magpies know themselves.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


One or two of the old barrows had been exposed over the years, their huge
stones attracting their own folklore. If you left your unshod horse at one
of them overnight and placed sixpence on the stone, in the morning the
sixpence would be gone and you'd never see your horse again, either...
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


Hodgesaargh was an original storyteller and quite good in a very specific
way. If he'd had to recount the saga of the Tsortean War, for example, it
would have been in terms of the birds observed, every cormorant noted,
every pelican listed, every battlefield raven taxonomically placed, no tern
unturned. Some men in armour would have been involved at some stage, but
only because the ravens were perching on them.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


Fewer birds could sit more meekly than the Lancre wowhawk, or lappet-faced
worrier, a carnivore permanently on the lookout for the vegetarian option.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


He was trying to find some help in the ancient military journals of General
Tacticus, whose intelligent campaigning had been so successful that he'd
lent his very name to the detailed prosecution of martial endeavour, and
had actually found a section headed What to Do If One Army Occupies a
Well-fortified and Superior Ground and the Other Does Not, but since the
first sentence read "Endeavour to be the one inside" he'd rather lost
heart.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


- "Remember -- that which does not kill us can only make us stronger."
- "And that which *does* kill us leaves us *dead*!"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum)


Rincewind is one of those people who gets in the way of his own happiness.
If it was raining kisses he'd be the only person with an umbrella.
-- (Terry Pratchett, CIX Pratchett Conference)


He was always at a loss when people acted like this. When machines went
funny you just oiled them or prodded them or, if nothing else worked, hit
them with a hammer. Nomes didn't respond well to this treatment.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)


"Nah," he said, eventually. "I've looked at the colours on flowers. They're
definitely built-in."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)


"There is nothing that can be in our way, for this is Jekub, that Laughs at
Barriers, and says brrm-brrm."
-- From the Book Of Nome, Jekub, Chap. 3, v. V
(Terry Pratchett, Diggers)


The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist
on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)


- "D