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Hi people! hope you like my profile, hopefully you will like this new addition to it. it is a quiz that i would like you to enjoy and participate in as well.
Hey! Look at these odd statistics, about American beliefs:
27.5% of Americans believe Elvis Presley is still alive as they here him on the radio.
45% of Americans believe that every Englishman knows the Queen personally.
40% of Americans believe that at 4PM everyday in England, everybody stops wat they're doin and gets out a cup of tea.
A joke letter to Americans, and funny read for Britons:
TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA FROM HER SOVEREIGN MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronounciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you've been pronouncing it.
2. The letter "U" will be reinstated in words such as "colour", "favour" and "neighbour". Likewise, you will learn to spell "Doughnut" with out skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise". Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"
wink .
3. Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let M*crosoft know on your behalf. The M*crosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter "U" and the elimination of "-ize".
4. The fourth of July will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that your not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of a conversion table. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the BRITISH SENSE OF HUMOUR.
8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)- roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French Fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup, but with vinegar.
10. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pund for pound the greatest sporting Nation on Earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth- see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys (yes, we have realised). Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
12. You will cease playing American Football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American Football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby- the Aussies, South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
13. Further you will stop playing baseball (similar to our child's game "rounders"
wink . It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a worl beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad!
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!!!
Now, on a more serious note. I am a British Catholic and at the moment there are controversial issues with abortion- this is mainly aimed at other British Catholics:
Archbishop Peter Smith, Chair of the Department of Christian Responsibility and Citizenship of the Bishops' conference of England and Wales, has warned that if Catholics fail to act there is a danger that abortion on demand could become a reality. Proposed ammendments of the Human Fertilization and Embryology Bill would effectively establish abortion on demand by allowing it to take place with the approval of only one doctor, allow nurses and midwives to perform abortions and remove the right of doctors to object to arranging or performing an abortion on grounds of concsience.
NOW COME ON GUYS! these babies may not be born but they are still living, they grow and feed like the rest of us. Let them have the chance to grow and shine with opportunity!!!!!!!!
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