Fox Mulder

Pilot [1.0]
Special Agent Fox Mulder: [Agent Scully knocks on his office door] Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.
[after Mulder & Scully's plane hits severe turbulence]
Special Agent Fox Mulder: This must be the place.

Squeeze [1.2]
Mulder: Is there anyway I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
[shakes hand wildly]

Conduit [1.3]
Mulder: How can an eight year-old boy who can barely multiply be a threat to national security? And people call me paranoid.

Beyond The Sea [1.12]
Mulder: It was five hours of Boggs channeling. After three hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimi Hendrix and requested 'All Along the Watchtower'. Your know, the guy's been dead for 20 years but he has still got his touch.

Shapes [1.18]
Mulder: They told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man.

Blood [2.3]
Mulder: [in response to some suggestive remarks about Scully] Frohike, it's men like you that give perversion a bad name.

Humbug [2.20]
Mulder: I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed, naked guy I saw.

Pusher [3.17]
Mulder: Hey, Scully, check this out! Mango-kiwi tropical swirl... Now we know we're dealin' with a madman!

Teso dos Bichos [3.18]
Fox Mulder: Follow that rat!

Teliko [4.3]
Mulder: [seeing the dead body] There's a Michael Jackson joke in here somewhere.

Leonard Betts [4.12]
[On finding a severed thumb]
Mulder: Siskel or Ebert?

Small Potatoes [4.20]
looking at a destroyed doorbell button]
Mulder: Frustrated Jehovah's Witness?

Redux II [5.2]
Mulder: [answering the phone after a confrontation with Scully's brother at the hospital] One sorry son of a b***h speaking.

Patient X [5.13]
Mulder: One more a**l-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.

All Souls [5.17]
Fox Mulder: [Speaking to Father Gregory who is praying inside an interrogation room] You know... they say when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's schizophrenia. What is your God telling you, Father?

The Pine Bluff Variant [5.18]
Mulder: [leaving the room to go under cover] If you don't hear from me by midnight... Feed my fish...

Folie a Deux [5.19]
Mulder: [Mulder is restrained in a hospital bed] Five years together, Scully. You *must* have seen this coming.

The End [5.20]
Fox Mulder: Wow, you know you're going places in the bureau when the assistant director tidies up your office for you.

Drive [6.2]
Mulder: [to P. Crump] ... and it's Mr. Mulder to you, ya peanut picking b*****d.

Triangle [6.3]
Mulder: [when being apprehended by the Nazis] You think you're so big and tough now, just wait 'till you get to Russia. I hope you enjoy the cold!

Rain King [6.8]
[a rainmaker is losing control of his powers]
Mulder: I'll build the ark, you fetch the animals.

Tithonus [6.10]
[calling Scully after spending a day apart]
Mulder: Hi, my name is Fox Mulder, we used to sit next to each other at the FBI.

Agua Mala [6.13]
Mulder: All the nuts roll down to Florida.

Others

Shadows [1.5]
Scully: You lied. You have seen this before, I can tell. You lied to them.
Mulder: I would never lie. I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.

Eve [1.10]
Mulder: Abducted.
Scully: Kidnapped.
Mulder: Pot-ay-toe, pot-ah-toe.

Gender Bender [1.13]
Scully: Mulder, there something out there.
Mulder: I know. I've been saying that for years.

The Host [2.2]
Dana Scully: Flatworms are what are known as obligate endoparasites. They live inside the host, entering the body through the ingestion of larvae or eggs. They are not creatures that go around attacking people.
Fox Mulder: Well, that's good. I didn't want to have to tell Skinner that his murder suspect was a giant, blood-sucking worm.
Dana Scully: Platyhelminthis are often hermaphroditic. Mulder, this is amazing. It's vestigial features appear to be parasitic, but it has primate physiology. Where the hell did it come from?
Fox Mulder: I don't know, but it looks like I'm going to have to tell Skinner that his suspect is a giant, blood-sucking worm after all.

Sleepless [2.4]
Alex Krycek: I paid off your cab. Y’know I don’t appreciate being ditched like someone’s bad date.

Ascension [2.6]
KRYCEK: Hey!
(He pushes Mulder, who wakes up. Mulder looks at the truck and swerves out of the way. Krycek sighs in relief.)You were dozing off. Maybe I should drive.
MULDER: I'm fine.
KRYCEK: Well, you haven't slept yet. I have.
MULDER: No, I said I'm fine.
KRYCEK: You know, Chernobyl, Exxon Valdez, Three Mile Island... they were all linked to sleep deprivation.U.S. Department of Transportation estimates that over 190,000 fatal car crashes every year are linked to sleepiness.
MULDER: Did they estimate how many people are put to sleep listening to their statistics?
KRYCEK: I'm just trying to keep you awake.


3 [2.7]
The Son: Don't you want to live forever?
Mulder: Not if drawstring pants come back in style.

One Breath [2.8]
Mulder: I brought you a present. It's a video. Superstars of the Superbowls.
Scully: I knew there was a reason to live.

Firewalker [2.9]
Mulder: I'm going to find Trepkos.
Scully: What if he's already dead?
Mulder: Then he'll have a lot of trouble answering my questions.

Die Hand die verletzt [2.14]
Mulder: So, lunch?
Scully: Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!
Mulder: I guess their parachutes didn't open.

Humbug [2.20]
[Sheriff Hamilton catches Mulder and Scully digging in his backyard]
Sheriff Hamilton: May I ask what you're doing?
Mulder: We're exhuming your - potato.

Dana Scully: [talking about her autopsy on Lanny] I've never seen anything like it.
Dr. Blockhead: And you never will again. Twenty-first century genetic engineering will not only eliminate the siamese twins and the alligator-skin people, but you're gonna be hard-pressed to find a slight overbite, or a not-so-high cheekbone. You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him!
[points to Mulder]
Dr. Blockhead: Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that.

[Mulder falls on a bed of nails]
Dana Scully: Mulder, are you okay?
Mulder: It's more comfortable than a futon.

F. Emasculata [2.22]
Scully: According to the briefing, the prisoners escaped while hiding in a laundry cart.
Mulder: I don't think the guards have been watching enough prison movies.

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose [3.4]
Clyde Bruckman: You're looking down. You stepped in a pie that's fallen to the floor. The killer comes up to you and... coconut cream.
Mulder: What?
Clyde Bruckman: The pie... eh, coconut cream, or, is it lemon meringue? I don't know, it's... not sure, it's, it's hazy. As long as you're looking down, he comes up with the knife and... banana cream! Definitely banana cream.

War of the Coprophages [3.12]
Mulder: I think you'd better get up here.
Scully: What happened?
Mulder: It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people.
Scully: I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you just said, because I know it's what you just said.

Mulder: Bambi also has a theory I've come to acro...
Scully: Who?
Mulder: Dr. Berenbaum. Anyway her theory is...
Scully: Her name is Bambi?
Mulder: Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.
Scully: Her name is Bambi?

Syzygy [3.13]
Mulder: You don't suppose she's a virgin, do you?
Scully: I don't even think she's a blonde.

Grotesque [3.14]
[about Mulder's encounter with a gargoyle]
Scully: Maybe you're just seeing what you wanted to see.
Mulder: What makes you think I'd want to see that?

Apocrypha [3.16]
Frohike: [examining a used envelope] I got something. Writing. Must have been underneath whatever they were writing on.
Ringo Langly: Your guys at the Bureau have a laser that can detect any change in an object's surface down to a few microns.
Byers: Actually, a perfect impression can be made using magnetic toner and a sheet of mylar.
Frohike: Actually...
[while they have been debating, Mulder has used a pencil to make a rubbing of the impression on the envelope]
Mulder: Actually, it's a phone number, New York City area code.
[hands Frohike the pencil]
Mulder: Now don't drop that. That's a finely calibrated piece of investigative equipment. I gotta make a phone call.
Frohike: [looking at the pencil] I'll be damned.

Pusher [3.17]
Mulder: Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!
Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of the Whammy.

Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space’ [3.20]
Detective Manners: That's a bleepin' dead alien body if I ever saw one.

Quagmire [3.22]
Scully: Nature's calling, I think we should pull over.
Mulder: Did you really have to bring that thing?
Scully: You wake me up on a Saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five minutes, my mother's out of town, all of the dog sitters are booked and you know how I feel about kennels. So, unless you want to lose your security deposit on the car, I suggest you pull over.

Scully: You know, on the old mariners' maps, the cartographers would designate uncharted territory by writing "here be monsters."
Mulder: I've got a map of New York City just like that.

Small Potatoes [4.20]

Skinner: Which one of you wrote this?
Eddie van Blundht as Mulder: I did, sir.
Skinner: You spelled Federal Bureau of Investigation wrong.
Eddie van Blundht as Mulder: It was a typo.
Skinner: Twice.

Eddie van Blundht as Mulder: [looking at the 'I Want To Believe poster] This is where my tax money goes?


Redux II [5.2]
Scully: [a Catholic priest enters Scully's hospital room] You'll be in my prayers.
Mulder: [Rising to leave] Have the Father say a few "Hail Mulder"'s for me.

Unusual Suspects [5.3]
the Lone Gunmen are in jail]
Frohike: You know, with that long, blond hair, you'll be the first one in here that gets traded for cigarettes. I'm gonna be laughing my a** off.

[to the Lone Gunmen]
Det. Munch: Here's a tip: aluminum foil. It makes a lovely hat and it blocks out the government's mind-control rays. It'll keep you guys out of trouble.

Byers: [to Frohicke and Langly] Both of you relax!
Richard 'Ringo' Langly: [to Byers] Shut up, ya narc!
Frohike: It's your fault we're here!

Detour [5.4]
Scully: Mulder, we've got this conference, they're waiting.
Mulder: Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully.
Scully: You want me to tell them that you're not going to make it to this year's teamwork seminar.
Mulder: Yes. You see that? We don't need that conference. We have communication like that - unspoken. You know what I'm thinking.

Agent Kinsley: Last year, I had something of a personal revelation. We were doing an exercise called Team Builders where we were given two minutes to build a tower out of ordinary office furniture.
Stonecypher: When I stood on Mike's shoulders and I put that electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile... we both knew we could never have done it alone.
Mulder: [whispering to Scully] Kill me now

Stonecypher: Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?
Mulder: No, unfortunately around this time of year I usually develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Kill Switch [5.11]
Scully: Mulder, that's evidence.
[looking at a laptop Mulder has stolen from a crime scene]
Mulder: Gee, I hope so.

Bad Blood [5.12]
Scully: Begin autopsy on white male, age sixty, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am, though not by much. I'll begin with the Y-incision.
[She picks up the scalpel provided to her and the blade falls off]
Scully: Yee-ha.

Scully: [waiting to speak to Skinner about Mulder's "staking" a suspect] Mulder, just keep reminding them that you were drugged.
Mulder: [impatiently] Shhh!
Walter Skinner: [enters room] Agents...
Mulder: [interrupting] I was drugged!

Walter Skinner: Ronnie Strickland's body has gone missing from the morgue; in conjunction with this the coroner's been attacked. His throat was bitten.
Scully: The coroner's dead?
Walter Skinner: [uncomfortably] No... his throat was... bitten. Just sort of... gnawed on.

Patient X [5.13]
Alex Krycek: Tell them to kiss my American a**.

The Red and The Black [5.14]
Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.
Mulder: Isn't that how you like to beat yourself?
[Krycek cocks gun]
Mulder: If those were my last words, I can do better.

Alex Krycek: Kazakhstan, Skyland Mountain, the site in Pennsylvania. They're all alien lighthouses where the colonization will begin, but where now, a battle's being waged. A struggle for Heaven and Earth. Where there is one law: Fight or die. And one rule: Resist or serve.

All Souls [5.17]
Fox Mulder: And why would God allow this to happen? Why do bad things happen to good people? Religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history.
Dana Scully: I was raised to believe that God has His reasons however mysterious.
Fox Mulder: He may well have His reasons, but He seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out His job orders.

Dreamland [6.4]
Man In Black: [tapping on window] Please, step out of the car.
Mulder: [to Scully] You think if maybe we ignore him, he'll go away?
Man In Black: [tapping on window] Please, step out of the car.
Mulder: [to Scully] Guess not.

Dreamland II [6.5]
[Mulder has swapped bodies with another man]
Mulder: If I shoot him is that murder or suicide?
Scully: Neither, if I do it first.

How The Ghosts Stole Christmas [6.6]
Mulder: I almost gave up on you.
Scully: Sorry. Checkout lines were worse than rush-hour on the 95. If I heard "Silent Night" one more time, I was gonna start taking hostages.

Scully: Mulder.
Mulder: [alarmed at a noise] Shhh! What was that?
Scully: [irritably rational] These are tricks that the mind plays. They are ingrained clichés from a thousand different horror films. When we hear a sound, we get a chill, we, we- we see a shadow and we allow ourselves to imagine something that an otherwise rational person would discount out of hand.
[Mulder just continues up the dark staircase. Frustrated, Scully pulls out her flashlight and follows him]
Scully: [continuing to rationalize nervously] The whole, Mulder- the whole idea of a benevolent entity fits perfectly with what I'm saying, that, I mean, that a spirit would materialize or return for no other purpose than to show itself is silly and ridiculous. I mean, what it really shows is how silly and ridiculous we have become in believing such things. I mean that... that we can ignore all natural laws about the corporeal body, that... that we witness these spirits clad in their own, shabby outfits, with the same old haircuts and hairstyles, never aging, never- never in search for more comfortable surroundings... it actually ends up saying more about the living than it does about the dead.
Mulder: [only half-listening] Mmm-huh.
Scully: [clearly rattling on in fear and nervousness] And Mulder, it doesn't take an advanced degree in Psychology to understand the unconscious yearnings that these imaginings satisfy. You know, the... the longing for immortality, the hope that there is something beyond this mortal coil, that we might never be long without our loved-ones... I mean, these are powerful, powerful desires. I mean, they're the very essence of what makes us human... the very essence of Christmas, actually.
[a door nearby suddenly opens on its own with a loud creak]
Mulder: [breathless; whispering] Tell me you're not afraid.
Scully: [breathless also, but stringent] All right, I'm afraid. But it's an irrational fear.
Mulder: [rooted to his spot, letting her go first] I got your back.
Scully: [turning back, seeing that he hasn't moved] Thank you.

Rain King [6.8]
Mulder: He just wants some dating advice.
Scully: From whom?
Mulder: Yours truly.
Scully: [long silence]
Mulder: Hello? Scully?
Scully: Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?
Mulder: I will talk to you later.
Mulder: [hangs up]
Scully: The blind leading the blind.

S.R. 819 [6.9]
Scully: Sir, if this man poisoned you, you should be off your feet and under doctor's care.
Skinner: If this man poisoned me, I'm going to put a gun to his head, find out why, and ask him how he's going to make me well.

Monday [6.14]
Fox Mulder: I know, I missed the meeting.
Dana Scully: No, you didn't *miss* the meeting; you're extraordinarily *late* for the meeting. It's still going on.
Fox Mulder: What are you doing down here?
Fox Mulder: We took a short break and I came looking for you. What are *you* doing down here, Mulder?
Fox Mulder: Having the best damn day of my life. Any moment I'm about to burst into song. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah. My water bed sprung a leak and shorted out my alarm clock; my cellphone got wet and crapped out on me; and the check I wrote my landlord to cover the damages is going to bounce unless I deposit my pay. Did you ever have one of those days, Scully?
Dana Scully: Since I've been working here? Yeah.

Arcadia [6.15]
[Mulder and Scully are posing as husband and wife]
Mulder: Wow. Admit it, all you want to do is play house. Woman! Get back in here and make me a sandwich!
[Scully throws a rubber glove at him]
Mulder: Did I not make myself clear?

Trevor [6.17]
Upon seeing a body in two pieces]
Scully: So, should we arrest David Copperfield?
Mulder: Yes we should, but not for this.

Mulder: Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion.
Scully: Mulder, there are one or two somewhat well-documented cases.
[Mulder nods, grinning]
Scully: Mulder, shut up.

The Unnatural [6.19]
Scully: Mulder, it's such a gorgeous day outside. Have you ever entertained the idea of trying to find life on this planet?
Mulder: I've seen the life on this planet Scully, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere

Mulder: Did you bring enough ice cream to share with the rest of the class?
Scully: It's not ice cream... it's non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle.
Mulder: Ugh... I bet the air in my mouth tastes better than that.

Scully: I don't care. Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Mulder: Well, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.
Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
Scully: Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may die.
Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicles.

Three of a Kind [6.20]
Scully: Hello, Mulder? Can you hear me? I'm at the hotel. Where are you? What do you mean, "What hotel?” Las Vegas. I'm in Las Vegas, aren't you? You called me. What do you mean you didn't call me? …Oh, man, I am going to kick their asses.

The Goldberg Variation [7.6]
Scully: Mulder, are you all right?
Mulder: No, it's OK. My a** broke the fall.

X-Cops [7.12]
Coroner's Assistant: [while doing an autopsy] You got this camera crew recording everything. Why?
Dana Scully: [Smiling falsely at the camera] Because the FBI has nothing to hide.

Chimera [7.18]
Mulder: Mulder.
Scully: Mulder, please tell me I can go home.
Mulder: Oh, hey, Scully. How's the stakeout?
Scully: Well, the furnace broke and I can just about see my breath in here.
Mulder: Ouch. I'm sorry to hear that.
Scully: That... and I've witnessed a couple hundred things I'd like to erase from my brain. Eww. But as of yet, no mystery woman.
Mulder: Well, she'll come, you know? It's just a matter of time. She'll show up - I'm sure of that.
Scully: Yeah, well not before I die of malnutrition.
Mulder: Hey, Scully, tough it out. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right? No, no, no, no. No capers, thank you.
Scully: I'm sorry. What?
Mulder: I said, "What a... what a crazy caper." I'll talk to you later... and, uh, keep warm. Bye.

Scully: Mulder when you find me dead, my dessicated corpse propped up staring lifelessly through the telescope at drunken frat boys peeing and vomiting into the gutter, just know that my last thoughts were of you... and how I'd like to kill you.
Mulder: I'm sorry. Who is this?

Without [8.2]
John Doggett: It's not who wins or loses - it's who takes the worst beating that counts.

Deadalive [8.15]
Scully: Mulder... Hi.
Mulder: Who are you?
Scully: Oh, my God.[Mulder starts to smirk] Don't do that to me. Do you know...? Do you have any idea what you've been through?
Mulder: Only what I see in your face. Anybody miss me?

Vienen [8.18]
John Doggett: I never would have believed those stories about you.
Mulder: Really? What stories are those?
John Doggett: That you could find a conspiracy at a church picnic.
Mulder: What church?

Alone [8.19]
FBI Agent Leyla Harrison: Can I ask you something?
Mulder: Sure.
FBI Agent Leyla Harrison: When you went to Antartica to save Agent Scully from being taken by that spaceship, and you ran out of gas in your Snow-Cat, how did you get back?
Scully: Um, well first of all it was never actually proven that it was a spaceship.
Mulder: It wasn't?
Scully: Well no what...
Mulder: Proven?
Scully: No what happened was that we fell off of something...
Mulder: Something?
Scully: ...that rose out of the ice
Mulder: Well what do you think that was?
Scully: Well I don't know what it was but we didn't actually see...
Mulder: Was it a spaceship?
Scully: ...a spaceship.
Mulder: I can't believe you're saying it's not a spaceship, when you saw it.
Scully: Ah, I mean, it could have been a spaceship. Mulder, but you don't...
Mulder: Of course it was a spaceship.
Scully: Look, we don't know that it was, but you don't have a picture of it or anything.
Mulder: You know it was a spaceship, you saw it!
Scully: No, I didn’t, no no no no no. Remember, I was unconscious...
Mulder: You were unconscious? Apparently you're still unconscious!
Scully: ...and when I woke up there was no spaceship.
Mulder: You saw the spaceship.
Scully: Mulder... No no no no no sorry. Then you were frozen and I remember I hugged you until you were not frozen anymore...