About Me

I guess I'm really confused right now, and I don't know what to do. Simply life sucks!!! It's like a dream where you keep chasing something, yet you can't get it. But I had it for about 3 hours, now I want it more. I knew as soon as it happened I was so afraid to lose her. Now I'm afraid I have. I just don't know anymore. I feel a certain way right now and I don't wanna give it up. I guess mainly because I've never felt it before.(I'm in love). I guess I don't know what to think or feel anymore. So I have a new slogan now,"No matter what good comes in life don't let your guard down because something shitty is right around the corner". I feel it discribes my life. Evertime something good came my way I lost it or I couldn't even get it in the first place. I guess I'm a lucky person, but it's all bad luck. I care alot about my friends especially cody, he is and always has been like a brother to me. We know everything about each other and I think were like the same person. We feel the same way about everything, and have been through alot of s**t. Me and kyle have never fought and hes my other brother. Bryce is my homie but I feel he talks a little to much crap behind peoples backs, but hes my brother too. Joe never hated me and were cool. Nate kinda went with the flow, and I always saw him as a pretty cool kid. Andre is well Andre, he lies to much and is to 2 faced. Steven hated me because I liked kristin and she liked me, I think. But now I think were cool. Those are my most important friends. I love my dad, hes the coolest guy in the world. I feel he's a pretty good role model and he teaches me alot of lessons. We go on trips together every year and we care about each other more than anything else. I see him as more of a best friend who has athority, but I love him. I guess I'm a fun kid who likes to do anything cool. I love to laugh and makeing other people laugh makes me feel good. I like to skate, play video games, watch movies, or anything else that is fun to do. My heroin is music and kristin, they keep me going threw the day. I love girls, but I'm a one women guy. I don't understand how anyone can cheat on anyone else. If you lose interest in them then just break up and go out with the other person. I also hate when guys are players. If I ever hurt a girl I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Right now I'm a freshman at EHS. It's ok, and it was great till I couldn't think anymore. Now I find myself passing the hours all the time till I can atleast talk to her. I've also lost alot of sleep lately, but I'm not mad about it. I would rather stay up all night talking to her then sleep. Even when I'm not talking to her I can't stop thinking about her. I guess I'm also not one to fight. But if I have to, I will do what I have to.(I'm willing to fight to keep something together). I've stopped talking crap because it never helps the situation. I guess I've matured alot lately. All the bullshit going on really put things into perspective for me. I know that I keep praying everything works out the way that I want it to and I know thats selfish. I guess if she comes out ok thats all that matters. (I get it from my dad I care more about her than I do the world. And I would give up the world for her). I know that things don't come easy in life and I don't expect them to, but sometimes everyone needs a break. I haven't caught mine yet. I hate when people ask, "what do you see in or like about _______." If you ask me its to hard to explain. It's not just looks to me. It's how their funny, or how they act stupid sometimes, yet I see it as cute. Or they way they do something like smile. I hate when people ask me to discribe myself...I can't. I know that I'm not conceited but I like to joke about it. Im straight, a dirty blonde, ?athletic?, kid I guess. I have enough friends to make me happy. Now that I'm in the highschool I have more too. I'm the youngest of 6.(the baby, which sucks). I look like my mom but act like my dad.(thank god). My mom I can explain easily~The over pretective, lieing, stealing, loving, devil. I love her though. Now I have one thing on my mind throughout the entire day. I also hate rushing into to things. Or when your moving to fast but you know that you can't slow down. No matter how hard you try your going to crash. I know that I never look back and think what if I never met her, because then I wouldn't have fallen in love, and I couldn't see life without her. I gotta thank cody and stephen because she came to the green for them. Now I'm in WAY over my head. I couldn't stop loving her and I couldn't just be friends. If everything turns for the worse I just gotta thank god that I even had what I had. I know that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what happens it will end up ok.(I hope so). I find my self getting aggrivated alot more lately. I tend to over anylize things too. I feel the saying,"you don't know what you got till it's gone" is very false. I knew what I had, and I really can't lose it. If I do, I don't know what I'll do.(A 3 year vacation to the the alps sounds nice). I got one song stuck in my head all the time and the video is her. Paparoach-forever. I remember like 2 week's ago not seeing her for an hour or a day was horrible. Now I haven't seen her since tuesday and it's not gonna be till tuesday or wednesday or even longer. I've gone insane. In the end I hope everything works the way I want it to. But for her sake I would leave her alone. If it ended badly, I would probobly not go to school for a week, then go like goth or something because I wouldn't wanna talk to anyone. The cycle repeats I think about her then I get cramps and sweet from nervousness, then I think about us and I get happy for a little while. But for now I'm stuck in a downward spiral till the end. (I hope there is no end).