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The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 6:47 pm

Good lord, everything costs money! sad That's part of why I don't even bother looking into these things. Unless you want to doodle on convenience store napkins or form up a kick-the-can league there's not a whole hell of a lot a person who's constantly flat broke can do but read library books and meander around aimlessly. Say for the sake of argument there's a free community kiln somewhere I can use; what if it's nowhere near and I need bus fare to get to and from the place?

But, yeah, I plan on working incrementally on acquiring the means for things I have an interest in trying out, such as art supplies for experimental psychedelic painting, etc. Decent, or even shoddy, artwork can be a source of revenue, for example, and eventually I just may be able to earn a living without even filling out a W-4 and an I-9.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 6:25 pm

You know, it would be nice of they manufactured optical sensors that fit in old film cameras and that could have SD cards and USB cables fit into them. A bit foolish, though, since that would be quite an added expensive for dated technology everyone's selling off or junking. I would love to learn how to use a darkroom but where are those things even? Heh, can you imagine a public library with public darkroom use loans, of say a couple hours a day, once a day?

sad Yeah ... well, I don't think so because I don't think like that, but it's a sad realization that you do, which I tend to assume people do since most people are pretty conventional when it comes to things like that.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 6:05 pm

Heh, my broke a** will have to make do with either jacking peoples' belongings out of their cars or finding a sweet deal on an old optical manual-focus film camera at a thrift store or on Craigslist. Which suits me fine because you actually learn how to take pictures with cameras that don't try to think for you like that pulsing brain who ruled over Camazotz.

I'd die if I lucked out and ended up with a girl similar to you. Heh, probably literally, the self-destruct mechanism buried inside of me going off as soon as my luck and happiness levels exceeded certain levels.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 5:41 pm

Hmmph! FreeGeek is actually annoying because the average Linux geek is probably the most annoyingly socially retarded kind of techie, but it has a warehouse and what I do there will translate to some form of work-related skill. As for the Japanese garden, no kidding! And I would get free admission all year long, so once I get some kind of decent camera I'll be able to dazzle you non-Portlanders. Maybe seduce a few of you to come pay me a visit. The Rose garden is another favorite of mine.

Hmm, friendships. It depends on the person I imagine, since I've observed many people who are perfectly content with what I consider to be shallow and frivolous relationships, whereas I and others like me get nothing from them and are only happy with a small almost-coterie of trusted, intimates. Hell, give me a girlfriend and a cat and I could get along just fine in life only occasionally being congenial to coworkers and others very casual acquaintances. Are you like this?

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 5:08 pm

Marcel Proust maintained that pleasant, light-hearted connections with people are more valuable than ones with deep significance and meaning, or rather an author who examined Proust's life for hints at how to live a happy one made such an assertion. So against the grain of my temperament, though, that I doubt I'll ever seek that in people.

I appreciate your desire to help, but tell me; would you hire someone who has had an average of a dozen jobs over the past decade, all but one lasting only about a month? When you've got over a hundred applications and resumes from people with more experience and better work histories, and only one or two openings? That is my problem, and it's quite a big one as I bet you can imagine.

I'm waiting to hear back from the Japanese garden about a volunteering position for a grounds keeper there, and tomorrow or Thursday I'll go to FreeGeek to see about volunteering with them. I'm working on it, love, only probably with less motivation and confidence than would be ideal.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 4:46 pm

*hug* Okay, we'll Marcel Proust it then.

My day's okay, I guess, but very boring it seems, and only marginally productive. I would give much for a job and regular dancing and Aikido classes, and some friends to hang out with or talk to on the phone. But, still, I have updated my profile about me and am working on creating a personal journal on Wordpress, so I'm doing more than getting my a** handed to me in a repetitious video game.

And, I have you to talk to, as well! heart

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 4:19 pm

It's okay. I possibly pre-empted, which I can be prone to do at times when certain aspects of my life get to me or my moods shift. I didn't mean to accuse you of being such a person at all, only they're all over the place and I mistrust people who look like they belong to groups, because groups just seem to bring that out in people who otherwise would be more open and accepting of differences. Like I was telling another girl, seems we humans tend to default to definition by contrasting negatives when it comes to our social modalities. I do it, too, and I wonder if it's as defensive as I make it out to be, or even if when others do it they feel the same way.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 3:41 pm

sad Sorry. Not trying to pick a fight. I just get tired of people turning out to be the same old elitist, close-minded cultural fad drones who treat everyone else like they're nobodies or objects of scorn — like they're stuck in a sixth-grade cafeteria hall — and that just shortly after I had such a pleasant and promising introductory exchange with them. That happens so often, I anticipate it.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 3:31 pm

It wasn't anything to debate. Basically, I'm just telling you why I feel slightly intimidated and uncomfortable talking to you. It's nothing at all personal, and so far you've been a charming, intelligent, and pleasant girl to talk to. If you wish to suddenly find me no longer a viable acquaintance just because I notice that you and your scene have all the outward trappings of a culture, and that I've had bad experiences with them, that is your prerogative but is not based on a sincere desire to understand someone, nor is it based on any legitimate effrontery committed by me.

The Birdman from Alcatraz Report | 01/04/2011 3:17 pm

Well, you know, if people don't wish to be labeled, you'd think they would attempt at a certain look, right? What would you think if you saw pics of me and I and all my friends were dressed like Dethklok and obviously at metal shows? Hipsters here in Portland sub me, a person who is himself and himself only and doesn't get so easily crammed into cultural or countercultural pigeonholes. So, yeah, I've cultivated an antagonistic attitude toward people who appear to fall into that demographic, just as I've learned to mistrust and not feel comfortable around other groups like punk rockers and metalheads, Yuppies and preppies, and even the New Agers and similarly granola types. It may sound narrow-minded to you, but here in Portland people tend to be very cliquish and faddish and people who don't follow a trend or act out a role tend to get the cold shoulder.