That's nothing a jar of vasline and a trampoline can't fix.

"Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."-Groucho Marx

Good day, sir. Would your daughter like a flogging today?

Ever found yourself reading a book with no cover or owning two barbeques?

Come over to the dark side, we have cookies.

Wanna puff a mango?

I heard girls like to sleep in boys boxer shorts.
Usually its their boyfriends boxers.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing except you arn't my boyfriend.

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

Holy special edition Batman!

Humans are to vampires what cows are to humans; edible but cute, too!

Who set the first clock?

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

Shut up! I kill (said like keel) you!

Let's see what sweetlips can do.

I'm not sleeping, my eyes are meditating.

From the TV show REAPER:
How much for the big screen?
A million bucks. Go to Best Buy.

Be-bop-jwu-bop-a-rubarb-pie

"There are two sources of light. The flame and the mirror that refects it." -Unknown

Fail with a PH!

From the TV show REAPER:
You know that thing on his neck? Not a mole.

"This fire is 0 percent contained. We are at the mercy of the wind." -Mayor of Malibu CA.

'Scuse me, pardon me, comin' through, hot stuff.

Lately I'm not even like myself.
Are you having an identity crisis?
I think I'm in a period of transition.
Ah-hah.
-The Rocky Road to Romance by Janet Evanovich

I will set you ablaze right now.

Today I am a heathen.

It happens.

"Stop shooting at my wall you paintball toting bastards." -Keigh McCurry

Don't forget to dance the night away.

Stake this!

"Isn't that redun-dant...don't hit me!" -Dad

"She'll be knitting wild toothpast when she comes." -Victoria H. (Making up lyrics to She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountian)

"Did I just write 'doghouse'?" -Victoria H.

"My eyes are cold." -Maisha M. aka God

"Do you have a case of the dropsies?" -Man from Victoria H.'s story

"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." -Philip K. d**k

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." -Peter De Vries

"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends." -Herbert Hoover

Story of Math Class:
Adrian asks Rodrigo to borrow his ruler. Rodrigo refuses. Saying he doesn't share his ruler. Adrian says, "You're not going to get many girls in college." Rodrigo replies, "What? Just for not sharing my ruler?" Then the math teacher, Will Haase, adds, "That's alright. You can use my ruler." *wink wink*
Rodrigo fianlly shares his ruler. Adrian throws it back at him saying, "Your ruler sucks." Again the math teacher pops up. "Actually it blows."

Scene from Dead of Night: Eternity in Death by JD Robb
Morris hadn't yet made his Y cut. "What can you tell me just from the visual?"
"Lieutenant, this woman is dead."
"Peabody, note that down. We've got a dead woman."

"Have you un-bondaged your barbie?" -Will Haase, in regards to Barbie Bungee project

Beware the roses!

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

Careful or you'll end up in my novel.

Sorry about global warming. It's my fault - I'll take care of it.

Gnomeland Security.

Eat well, stay fit, die away.

Am I getting older or is the supermarket playing great music?

Save trees: Don't do homework!

Jesus may love you but Satan thinks you're a wimp.

Deadlines amuse me.

I did the math and I'm still confused.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Giraffes do exist.

"She was laughing at me."
*shrugs* "Yeah well, she's drunk."
(What my dad said to me after my mom made fun of me.)

Giant flightless turduken of peace. (Figure it out)

Ghosts at city hall during debate of motorcycle helmets: "We died!"

Scene from Dance of the Gods by Nora Roberts, page 7 paperback:
"'I never heard that part of the legend.' Because it was there, she swooped a fingertip through the icing of his cake,sucked it off. 'I guess everything doesn't trickle down.'"
-This is actually as innocent as it is. The cake is really a piece of cake and they are talking about a real legend.

"And the best part is, they're boneless!" -Victoria H. Telling me about meatless riblets.

"We told you this would happen!" -Old grannny version of me and Victoria H.

Pinto cheese and country music, what every Cali gone Southern belle needs.

And God said, 'let there be light!' *flips on light switch, lamp turns on* 'Ahhhhh...'(choir vocalizing)

"AHHH, the mother of cookie trucks is going to get us!" -My mom, as we pulled out of a drive way the Mother's brand purple delivery trick was right there and we had to punch it to get out of the way.

Lead me not into temptation... especially bookstores.

"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me." -C. S. Lewis

Traveling 33 RPM in an iPod world.

agoodbook.calm

A best friend is a sister that destiny forgot to give you.

Weather Forecast Rug: Rug wet... Rain, Rug Burns Feet... Hot and Sunny, Rug White and Cold... Snow, Rug Gone... Tornado.

Never judge a book by its movie.

English Major: you do the math.

Don't make me use my Librarian Voice.

Books to the ceiling, books to the sky. My piles of books are a mile high. How I love them! How I need them! I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

What part of Muhahahahaha don't you understand?

"If your mother still drives you to school, you ain't no gangsta, pull your pants up!" -Jeff Foxworthy

Damn those purple camels!

"Dress quick, or you're leaving in your night dress."

"Really, it's not you, I'm just going through a selfish phase..."

"I must have been on drugs the day I asked you out."

"I'll treasure all the things that happened between us, and I must say it was beautiful, but it was just a fairy tale."

"I'm really sorry to have messed you about, but being with you has made me realise that I am gay and I can't string you along anymore."

"Fish are a problem." -My response to the word "trout" written under the heading "San Diego Environmental Issues" when I strickly asked for drought to be written.

"I cannot protect you without holding a sword, I cannot embrace you while holding one."-ksohiesshkiai_the_poet (I don't know if he came up with it but I got it off him.)

"I dont live, I roleplay..." -Nicolas Masters

What flavor is your shaving cream?

"Artistic genious takes time." -Ayameko

"Ahoy, Cap'n Crunch!" -Ayameko

Let's Kitchen!

Share a enjoy feeling with someone together together.

The life which bounced.

Hole in the Wall spaghetti

Oh, My spaghetti

Risky Drug Store

"I'm 3rd generation don't-give-a-****." -Ron White, comedian

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. -Richard Diran

"Well, I was gonna say 'look out' but, well, ah, never mind" -Omikuji

Some people are like Slinkys; their only purpose in life is to make you smile when you push them down the stairs.

Look out I'm a human potato!

Lettuce farmers must die.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
--Anonymous ( I got this quote from Pen Arumasi)

Bravery is the capacity to perform
properly even when scared half to death.
--General Omar Bradley (Pen Arumasi)

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had.
--Anonymous (Pen Arumasi)

Johnny was a chemist's son,
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H20
was H2SO4.

Every time you Can Has, God kills a LOLcat.

98% Chimp; The other 2% must be Yellow #5 and caffeine.

Person 1: Why do you have a bowl of noodles?
Person 2: Becuase I hate you!

"I am a fire ninja!" -Adam Savage, MythBusters

~(This space belongs to a witty quote...)~
~(... unfortunately, it escaped its cage..)~
Faladyne

When live gives you lemons, make fanfiction! ~Carolyns-Mewmix (from deviantart.com)

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. -Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)

If heaven exists, what do you want God to say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"Party's out back. Keg to the left. Wine bar to the right."
-- Ranger