There are a few reasons you would be here, James. Someone you know has convinced you to come back to Gaia, you were curious, you're looking for me.

If it's the last of the three, you won't find me here, my dear. I do appreciate the effort, if you're actually making one. If not, you can completely disregard everything you're reading here.

You've probably wondered once or twice why I'm never online anymore. Well, I blocked you. And I've deleted you from my contact lists. I'm hoping you are looking for me, though. I've left open a door or two, in case you care.

The reason I've done this isn't because I don't like you. I really do love you. It isn't because I'm tired of you, I really can't get enough. It hurts more to not talk to you than it does to talk to you, regardless of what I'm doing. The thing is, I don't show it when I haven't talked to you in a while. The thing is, I need recovery time. I need to know you really care, or simply not see you everywhere I look. Now, I can not see you everywhere, and if you make an effort to be in my life, I'll know you care.

It really does hurt me to do this, more than you'll ever know. I do want you to know that I still love you. I always will. If you look for me, I'm here. If you need me, I'll be there for you. Not in the sense that I'll sense that you need me and then go visit. More like in the sense that you can still talk to me if you need to. It'll just take more effort than you're used to. A lot more if you're reading this more than two years after you last spoke with me. Not so much if less than two years.

I hope you find someone. In the sense of a good friend who will keep you accountable and bring you to church when you won't go on your own. It breaks my heart that I can't do that myself. You know I would. I would say I hope you're happy, but that's not what I hope. I hope you struggle. I hope you wrestle with life and learn from it. Whether you're happy with that or not. I'm a funny person, I care more about YOU than I do about whether or not you're happy. I hope you understand what that means some day.

So, goodbye, my dear James. I love you. I hope I see you again someday.