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How much and what should children tell their parents?

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writercxvii

PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:37 pm


There's really very little to it other than the topic question. What should children, specifically those aged 5-18 (while they're living with their parents, and once they're old enough for school, which my cynicism will tell you means they're learning how to lie), tell their parents?

Now, I can think of a few things that parents really don't need to know. Example: If I'm cooking something, and I burn myself, they don't need to know all the details. If I'm cooking and I burn the house down, they might. If I'm alone at home and I cut myself somehow, or even if there are other people there and I cut myself, they don't really need to know, unless I'm either too young to take care of it myself, I need help taking care of it (cut in a hard to reach spot), or I'm hemoraging. I wouldn't tell them if I was having sex, but I might if I were pregnant. I wouldn't tell them my religious views unless it actually came up (they asked me). I wouldn't tell on my siblings if it was potential blackmail material, unless it was really bad.

But how much do you think parents should know? And why? (Sorry that this is a bit lacking. I'll give it more depth when I'm thinking more clearly.)
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:08 pm


That's sort of a case by case basis. Private things, like sex, shouldn't be shared. Potential problems, fun stuff, things you learn, these things can and should be shared. It really depends on the family dynamic, though.

Koravin
Captain


Prince Rilian

PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 10:05 pm


I'm not sure I understand the question.

I have always told my parents whatever I felt like telling them and nothing more, unless I was threatened, and I always resented them for using their physical strength against me. Even if I can have friendly interactions with them now, I can't forgive them for those actions, because they haven't apologized. When I bring it up, they insist that they were within their rights.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:59 pm


Unless it concerns the parents or harm is coming through the child by a purposeful force, such as child molester, I don't think the parents need to know. They are concerned about their children sure, but they don't need to know things like, "oooOOOoo do you have girl(boy)friend?" and private matters otherwise.

23rd


Cherry Chili

PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:30 pm


I tell my parents everything, particularly my mom, she's like a best friend and someone I really trust. I think certain things such as me having boyfriend should be something my parents know, its not a private matter in my eyes, everyone should know I have a boyfriend really, I love him, what am I hiding right? But I feel like I need to tell my mom everything, even if someone said something insulting to me today at school or something (I can't think of the best example) then I would tell my mom, I'd discuss and gain some support from her. I want to tell my mom whats going on in my life, I'm her child, it sort of is her business to know atleast until I'm 18, but still personally I'd probably still be talking to my mom after I'm 18 and telling her everything - she's my mom and thats what naturally makes her my best friend.

I agree that parents should know what their kids are doing or whats happened to them up to the age of around 18, some kids can be irresponsible or need a little guidance in the right way incase they're getting involved in some bad things because its the parent's responsibility as the person who takes care of the child.

I believe the parent/s should be involved in the child's life, afterall its their child, parent and child should be like friends (but of course still remembering the respect the child should keep towards their parent). I know that alot of kids want their independence and freedom - but seriously if your parents give you a curfue its for a reason (refering to kids below 1 cool - and so they don't feel the need at some point to tell their parents things because they have this sense of freedom and independence I'm guessing.

But of course, it all depends on the relationship between child and parent, not everyone is best friends with their mom for certain reasons. But I think that if your parents are loving and NOT abusive or anything like that then stop being all silly and sit down with your mom or dad and talk to them for once and tell them whats been going on in your life, you should be able to trust them afterall. smile
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:52 pm


Parents should be available to their children, but they shouldn't treat their children like property.

I don't tell my parents about my sex life. Ew....

Prince Rilian


Shawnael

Party Animal

PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:12 pm


I tell my parents about most of what I do. They are loved ones in my life, and I want them to know what I am doing and that I am safe.

However, I don't feel obligated to share details. For example: I told my parents that I am sexually active and who my partner was. They didn't like it or encourage it, but they did help me get birth control. They didn't ask when I was having sex, they didn't ask what activities we were engaging in. The only thing they've ever asked is, "Are you protected?"

My parents encourage an open line of communication. We are free to argue with rules we find unfair. Instead of taking the "my way or the highway" approach, my parents either compromise or explain to us why they are adamant about certain rules. As long as I am living with them, I do my best to respect their wishes and they do their best to help me get the tools I need to live on my own.

Of course there are things I don't tell them immediately, but I do eventually let them know. Keeping things from people only strains a relationship, and that includes parent/child relationships. I can't imagine not trusting my parents with my personal information. I can't imagine hating my parents or being so indifferent towards them that I wouldn't tell them about a love interest. When everything is said and done, my parents are the only people to never have turned their backs on me. They've been angry, they've been hurt, but they've never stopped loving me. I think letting them know what I'm up to is a fair exchange for all of that love.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:00 pm


Shawnael
I think letting them know what I'm up to is a fair exchange for all of that love.


Rather than loving them back?

Do they tell you everything? Do you think you love them enough that they owe you honesty?

Prince Rilian


Secret Of The Moon

PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:30 pm


I don't tell my parents anything ... they allready think im crazy... sending me to doctors for things that make no sense, they are overly worried over nothing... i understand, they are parents, its practically thier job... however, me not telling them anything is my choice, its my life and i would rather not include them into it
PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:30 pm


I think this is a case by case thing. I always felt that my mom was uppity and I didn't trust her with many things. She would just judge me and make me feel badly instead of being supportive. I was much closer to my grandmother, despite the huge differences in our ages, she was very open-minded and I could trust her with absolutely anything.

Now I am a mom, my daughter and I are very close. She talks to me about much more than I ever thought a child could with her mother. I never told her she wasn't old enough to talk about something or told her that I wouldn't discuss something with her for any reason. Also I never press her to tell me things. She is 15. I think I am her second best friend xd I think it's because when she started asking serious questions, I told her I would never lie to her. I listen to her, ask her questions that make her think and sometimes share my experiences with her. She is awesome, I heart her. I feel very lucky to have this great relationship with my daughter.

kind wench


Shawnael

Party Animal

PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 8:07 pm


Rilian
Shawnael
I think letting them know what I'm up to is a fair exchange for all of that love.


Rather than loving them back?

Do they tell you everything? Do you think you love them enough that they owe you honesty?

Of course I love them as well, that's why I tell them what's going on.

They tell me everything I want to know. They don't have to tell me squat, but they love me enough to tell me what I should know.

Of course, I was brought up to trust my parents, and they trust me.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:14 pm


Poetic_Nightmare
I don't tell my parents anything ... they allready think im crazy... sending me to doctors for things that make no sense, they are overly worried over nothing... i understand, they are parents, its practically thier job... however, me not telling them anything is my choice, its my life and i would rather not include them into it


I actually agree with that a LOT. I don't tell them the kind of music I listen to, what my sexual orientation is, where I go, who my friends are, what I'm feeling, what happened at school.

In fact, my parents got hold of one of my Evanescence CDs and are trying to find a psychiatrist for me now.

scream gonk

Doppelgaanger

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tamashii no taki-bi

PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:31 pm


I would rather not tell my mother anything more that I choose, yet she has the tendency to randomly watch me over my sholder as I am on the computer too see what I am talking to my friends about it's rather annoying. She insists that it is within her rights to monior me like thi, and I think it is not. She even made me give her the passwards toa ll of my accounts to various forums, claiming that she would need to see who I was talking to 'for my safety'.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 7:17 am


I tell my mom major things, but she herself said that she didn't need to know every detail of my personal life, so long as I'm not commiting crimes or having sex she doesn't care about somethings. When I told her I was bi, she was like "and so, you want me to do what".She told me pretty much it's not a bad thing it just is, and she couldn't change that. So I tell my mom if I'm dating anyone (house rules, she has to at least know the guys name), how I'm doing in school, and any major occurance with my friends.

My mom has all my internet passwords, but has never used them, she said the only time she would do that is if she suspected something was going on that she needed to bust (this would be some life threataning situation).

Tragedy the Phoenix


The Eyebright Bugler

PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:23 pm


It depends on the parents. What someone is going to feel they need to tell understanding parents is hugely different than what someone would tell parents who would kick them out for drug use or homosexuality. Personally, I don't think kids need to tell parents a damn thing, unless they've damaged their parent's property, and even then I'd support them hiding it if their parents were abusive. Other than that, they should tell them whatever they feel they should tell them. Obviously a lot of things should be shared with understanding parents that aren't always - serious drug use, stealing, pregnancy, etc. But it really all comes down to how comfortable the kid feels with them.
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