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Eloquent Conversationalist
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 Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:18 pm
I seem to have a real problem finishing a project. It is a flaw that I am working on. In the meantime- I plan to post a few fragments here for people to comment on. Constructive critisism is welcome, and perhaps I might actually write more if it is so demanded. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:32 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:33 pm
*realizing how big that actually is* sweatdrop Now you see why I never get around to finishing things like that.
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:11 am
You call that a fragment? Yah. xp
Ok, first I'd like to commend you on paying attention to detail. If I was writing that, I'd go crazy.
But I also noticed that you used a lot of cliches, like "cat got your tongue?" or even "cold as ice." It would be better if you used them as little as possible. It cheapens the writing a little. (though, the ice one isn't as important as the others. sweatdrop )
Why did you switch from "goblin" to "goblie?" I've never heard that before. If it's legitimate and I haven't noticed.
I liked when the amulet sucked the goblin dry. pirate Rahr.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:07 am
To be honest I didn't notice the abundant cliches. The 'Cat got yer tongue' was a sarcastic comment ment to both inflame and be stupid. Dumbing down to the intelligence of the giant. As for the other cliches, I will review and see if I can weed them out.
As for the details, that is merely my writing style. The Goblie is something like the difference between Humans and Man. Same creature, different term. To be honest, I have heard it a few times in places, but do not know how 'legitimate' it really is.
There are other fragments of the story I have- where the amulet comes into more importance. Also a big bit about the main villian Detrix Rankufir and her imp Jarik. I might post them later on.
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:57 pm
Ok, don't worry about it then. If that's how your style works, there's nothing much to it. sweatdrop
And, I'm just a real nut when it comes to cliches. After seeing it too many times, I've gone crazy! blaugh
Take your time with the other segments. I'm patient enough. biggrin
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:30 pm
So . . . Fieryknife is the only person that read my chapter? sad
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:24 pm
I think I'm one of the few who is around regularly now. >_< Either that or they were afraid of the text-intensive-ness. Like a tower it was. Not that being text-intensive is a bad thing. Did you know I was reading jam-toast while I read this? That was some good homemade jam...
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