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 Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 7:13 pm
I've been depressed since I was 8. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. My family has a history of depression; my dad attempted suicide. My family wasn't going to tell me why he was in the psyciatric ward. It was him who told me.
I know my problems are minimal, and there are "people worse off than me". I can't help the way I feel though. I tried talking to me boyfriend, but he brushed me off. My ex-girlfriend used to get mad at me when I tried talking to her about it, and used to threaten to breakup with me if i kept thinking like that. So I just keept my mouth shut. My bestfriend lives far away from me, and the only other person I could even concider talking to, told me the "people are worse off than you" bit.
My bestfriend is the most important thing in my life, and I haven't seen her in a year. People just don't understand how important she is. I try and tell my parents, but they don't understand. They told me when I moved: "You'll find someone like her". I never did. I didn't even find someone semi-like her. I've got no friends, I have people that hang out with me, but I don't trust them, and I can't talk to them. I can't even talk to my own boyfriend.
My ex-girlfriend cheated on me. She even cheated on me with the guy at school who keeps saying to me he likes me, but tells others that all he wants to do is have sex with me. He even told me that once. And that he would kill himself if I didn't.
I get bullied verbally a lot in school. Especially about the girlfriend thing. My ex and I broke up badly, her screaming at me, and me trying to defend myself, so when they keep harrassing me about it, it hurts even more. My mom acts like I'm the devil himself, and my dad's either at work, or sleeping.
Whenever I try to act more like myself, I get in crap for it, weither by peers, teachers, or my family. So I try to avoid life as much as possible. I pretty much live in my room, comming out only for a drink, the washroom, or school. Which gets me in more crap. I barely sleep. It's not that I can't sleep, it's that I don't want to. Sleeping means the next day comes faster.
At school the other day, we had a presentation on birds. I am terrified of birds. I was okay... untill they brought out the owl. I asked the teachers if I could wait outside the door, and they told me "You can handle it". I was currled up in a ball in the corner, in tears the whole time the bird was out. I was absolutly terrified. My boyfriend glaced at me, then proceded to watch the presentation. As we left, and I was starting to get over it, nobody even asked if I was okay. I had thought I had finally got away when I moved last year. But I guess I'm just someone people naturally don't like.
I've always been a "freak". Since I was little, I've always been weird. Even my family thinks that. Maybe I am, but I don't need it shoved in my face. Any interest I've shown in something has been "weird", and I'm always being told to do "normal" things. My family has always said: "You're not normal".
I know my problems are nothing, but they feel like they're something.
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 2:19 pm
tomb_robber_girl I've been depressed since I was 8. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older. My family has a history of depression; my dad attempted suicide. My family wasn't going to tell me why he was in the psyciatric ward. It was him who told me.
I know my problems are minimal, and there are "people worse off than me". I can't help the way I feel though. I tried talking to me boyfriend, but he brushed me off. My ex-girlfriend used to get mad at me when I tried talking to her about it, and used to threaten to breakup with me if i kept thinking like that. So I just keept my mouth shut. My bestfriend lives far away from me, and the only other person I could even concider talking to, told me the "people are worse off than you" bit.
My bestfriend is the most important thing in my life, and I haven't seen her in a year. People just don't understand how important she is. I try and tell my parents, but they don't understand. They told me when I moved: "You'll find someone like her". I never did. I didn't even find someone semi-like her. I've got no friends, I have people that hang out with me, but I don't trust them, and I can't talk to them. I can't even talk to my own boyfriend.
My ex-girlfriend cheated on me. She even cheated on me with the guy at school who keeps saying to me he likes me, but tells others that all he wants to do is have sex with me. He even told me that once. And that he would kill himself if I didn't.
I get bullied verbally a lot in school. Especially about the girlfriend thing. My ex and I broke up badly, her screaming at me, and me trying to defend myself, so when they keep harrassing me about it, it hurts even more. My mom acts like I'm the devil himself, and my dad's either at work, or sleeping.
Whenever I try to act more like myself, I get in crap for it, weither by peers, teachers, or my family. So I try to avoid life as much as possible. I pretty much live in my room, comming out only for a drink, the washroom, or school. Which gets me in more crap. I barely sleep. It's not that I can't sleep, it's that I don't want to. Sleeping means the next day comes faster.
At school the other day, we had a presentation on birds. I am terrified of birds. I was okay... untill they brought out the owl. I asked the teachers if I could wait outside the door, and they told me "You can handle it". I was currled up in a ball in the corner, in tears the whole time the bird was out. I was absolutly terrified. My boyfriend glaced at me, then proceded to watch the presentation. As we left, and I was starting to get over it, nobody even asked if I was okay. I had thought I had finally got away when I moved last year. But I guess I'm just someone people naturally don't like.
I've always been a "freak". Since I was little, I've always been weird. Even my family thinks that. Maybe I am, but I don't need it shoved in my face. Any interest I've shown in something has been "weird", and I'm always being told to do "normal" things. My family has always said: "You're not normal".
I know my problems are nothing, but they feel like they're something. i kinda know how you feel, im extremely wierd *star trek rules* but i was lucky enough to find a group of friends who wre about as wierd as me, it sucks being deppressed, i know, but if you ever need someone to talk to, im here, im on the computer roughly 5 hours a day from 10 in the morning till midnight, all spread out, everyday *my eye doctors mad at me for that, my vision since summers decreased alot*, but im here
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Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 5:34 pm
Hey there 3nodding Names GoodDevil1989.
let me get this stright in my head
Depression in the family and an attemted suside. Moved away from your best fried, moved to a school where you go through crap, and bad relationships.
Life has thrown you some stuff. But, i promise you, you can fix it all, is it okay if i give you the advice? sweatdrop
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Here's my advice, avoid b/f g/f realationships right now. The last thing you need it sounds like is to worry about others. Now and past forever, you are allowed, and should worry about yourself. When people say something like freak, look back smile and walk away. It's turning the other cheek, its hard to do, but after awhile you see that you can always walk away from those kinds of situations.
Or you can do the fight back way. When someone calls you freak, or whatever, trun around and say "Thats the best you can come up with? Thats pretty sad."
You insult them with out saying anything actually mean, so if they start something even more. You just say something like that back like, "okay now this is just getting old, please come back when you actally have something new and not from thired gread."
You have to find your own way of defence but also defence. Your parents love you, trust me, even parents that hurt their children, love them at least once, even for a second. Look at thier point of veiw. Every parent thinks of having a child that is perfect, seeing them being the best and smartest, when the find that there child is different than thier dreams and is starting to and are depressed it hurts them to.
Your parents want to see you smile even just once everyday.
I know because i've started to do things that arn't the best. And i can tell my moms scared, were very close so its easy for me. Shes angry but worried. I understand why she feels that way, she wants me to have a life that i can be happy to have lived.
My problems are nothing compared to people say, in the holocost. They lost everything, family ,friends, homes, property, everything, Make us felling sad seem nothing, even when we lose one of our friends. Of course if feels like hell and we feel like crap becuase we couldn't do anything but we still have others to lean on and then hold hands with to walk the rest of our life with.
okay sorry im rambling.
Just next morning you see your parents just hug them say i love you and that you'll see them when you get home, Then before you go to bed tell them you love them and you'll see them tomorrow morning.
You just then made a promise to be there the next day and that you deserve to be there, be alive, be defenseive, and be the person you are. Don't ever forget that kay.
Promise me......come one promise me and yourself......did you promise.....? okay cool 3nodding
PM me if you ever need to talk kay. I'm here smile
*~GoodDevil1989~*
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