Welcome to Gaia! ::

So you and your girl/boyfriend are getting along great. You both are deeply in love with each other. But then you realize that you have feelings for someone else. But your still very much in love. You tell your partner and 'lo and behold, they don't care. In fact, they think you should pursue it. But they still want to be together.
As time goes on and both of your partners meet and grow to like each other they develop their own romantic relationship. So what you have now is a polyamorous (not to be confused with polygamist) relationship.

¬denotes a subtopic

-Is it ethically ok to have a serious relationship with more than one person providing they both(or all) know? What if one(or more) is the same gender?
¬Would it be harder or easier to keep two serious relationships going at the same time? Would a marriage with three people be easier or harder might be better wording.
-If you are in such a relationship, is it ok in God's eyes if you all move in together and start having sex (essentially becoming married without the ceremony)?
- If so, how would society view such a relationship?
¬Is any type of union possible? (lets not get into gay marriage)
¬Would you marry one of them? How would you decide which one?
¬Would only two go out on a 'date' at a time?
¬What about family functions? Would one be left out of such family events as Christmas and thanksgiving? Or would you no long attend them?
-What would happen if any children were produced from this relationship?

What if one(or more) is the same gender?

...In a polyamorous relationship, at least two people would HAVE to be the same biological gender, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

I suppose that was a poorly worded question.


- If so, how would society view such a relationship?

Most likely society would be disgusted, except for the few people who truly don't care what floats someone else's boat. Is it really that hard to figure this out?

I'm just asking to see what individuals think. I'm not asking for personal reference.

¬Is any type of union possible? (lets not get into gay marriage)

While not legally, practically, of course. Provided it doesn't break any laws.

Specifically, I was looking for anyone with legal knowledge who would know. Again, poor phrasing on my part.

¬Would you marry one of them? How would you decide which one?

I would never legally marry only one partner; as for religious marriage, I would find someone willing to perform a ceremony for all 3+ of us.

I now pronounce you Man and Wife...and...extra...?

¬Would only two go out on a 'date' at a time?

Why would we limit it to two? Couples want privacy only in order to be romantic. If three or more people are in a romantic relationship, there is no reason why all three couldn't be romantic together.

I suppose that's true, but I'm thinking more about society's norms. My line of thinking went if you get married to only one and your consistently seen with the other that will make people suspicious and such, but if you don't care what other people think, than I suppose that really isn't a problem.

¬What about family functions? Would one be left out of such family events as Christmas and thanksgiving? Or would you no long attend them?

Why would we be left out of family functions, exactly? Other than familial condemnation, there is no reason why all three people couldn't spend the holidays at one person's home. You're looking at a polyamorous relationship as if it could only have two people involved at any one point in time, which is obviously not true.

Again, I'm think more of society's norms as far as one on one. My family would frown greatly upon such a 'union' and I don't know that I would be invited to family events anymore.

-What would happen if any children were produced from this relationship?

They'd be raised with three parents, but told at an old-enough-to-understand age which parents are the biological mother and father, or parent/surrogate.

You don't think it would be hard on them?

-Edited main post because I forgot something.

Good topic.

Provided that all involved are informed and consenting, I don't see a problem, regardless of the genders of the people involved.

For me personally? I couldn't do it. Although I'm not a very jealous person when it comes to sex (I was in a very successful open relationship for several years), I do get jealous when it comes to emotions. I'm not terribly bothered by the idea of my partner having sex with other people, but the idea of him actually loving someone else would not fly too well by me. Also, I just can't really devote myself to more than one person emotionally. Well, more than one person at a time, I guess.

So for me, a polyamorous relationship would be near-impossible. For someone who was wired differently, however, I'd imagine that it would be of similar difficulty, if not easier than a relationship between two people. All relationships come with challenges, and poly relationships just come with a slightly different set of challenges. I'd imagine that some people are able to make it work quite well, though.

Hrm, I'm not entirely sure about that. I'm inclined to say that without a religious ceremony, sex wouldn't be okay, if we're going by the Christian God. God's view on poly relationships in general, however, I have really no idea about.

Well, I'm fairly certain that society as a whole doesn't look on poly relationships all that kindly.

As in, is it possible now, or will it be possible in the future? And are you talking legal union, or religious union?

As far as I know, most of the Western world only allows legal unions between two people. I'd like to think that legal unions for people in polyamorous relationships would be possible some times in the future, however. I see no reason why not.

As for religious unions, it depends on your faith. I know that some less mainstream religions condone polyamory, and this a religious joining of the people would not be a problem. As for Christianity....well, it's such a diverse faith that I'm sure it would be possible to find someone who would give a religious union to people in a poly relationship.

If I were in a poly relationship and did not have the option of marrying both (or more) people, I probably wouldn't marry anyone. It would seem too much like playing favourites, and I can see that being problematic in a relationship of that nature.

I don't see why only two at a time could go out for "date" time. Seems like there's plebty of things that groups larger than two can do together.
Well, personally, I hardly ever attend family functions anyway. I would probably talk to my family about it beforehand. If they were accepting, I'd bring everyone. If not, I'd probably go alone. Again, playing favourites doesn't seem like a good plan.

I guess they'd just have extra parents to love, annoy, and pester them. I'm honestly not sure if there's any negative psychological issues that could come up with children being raised in that situation, but it seems like having that many more people to love and care for you couldn't be that damaging.

-If you are in such a relationship, is it ok in God's eyes if you all move in together and start having sex (essentially becoming married without the ceremony)?

Uhh... I think not, really. I think that while it's not legal, some sort of spiritual ceremony is important. But that's just a personal opinion.

So if there was some sort of spiritual ceremony, as Enj suggested, find someone willing to performing such a ceremony, do you think it would be acceptable in God's eyes?

- If so, how would society view such a relationship?

I think society would immediately draw the conclusion that one partner "owned" the other partners, such has been in the past. They would jump to the conclusion that it wasn't an equal partnership, and thus frown upon it.

I would have to agree with that. Owned. Hahahahaha. I will elaborate more on this later. I am bored at the moment and going to play my new ps2 game.

-Is it ethically ok to have a serious relationship with more than one person providing they both(or all) know?

If they do not both know, then it's cheating. Other than that, I don't see anything ethically, or Biblically, wrong with it.

What if one(or more) is the same gender?

At least two of them would have to be. smile If you're meaning, is there anything wrong with same-sex relationships within the marriage, I would only accept a sister wife IF she were also romantically and physically involved with me as well.

Obviously I didn't think of that

¬Would it be harder or easier to keep two serious relationships going at the same time? Would a marriage with three people be easier or harder might be better wording.

If you have only two people in a relationship, you only have one "relationship". But if you have three ... John, Jane and Jenny - You now have John and Jane, John and Jenny, Jane and Jenny, AND the relationship involving all three of them. So three people means four relationships to juggled. If your communication skills aren't good, I think there's definitely a lot more potential for difficulties. Think of the number of people who can't seem to handle the loving give and take of a monogamous relationship.

I was thinking more like, would sides been taken? Would someone get ganged up on?

-If you are in such a relationship, is it ok in God's eyes if you all move in together and start having sex (essentially becoming married without the ceremony)?

There isn't much of an option in our society. It's not legal to have multiple marriages.

That was not supposed to be taken into account 3nodding

- If so, how would society view such a relationship?

Most people look down upon poly relationships.

¬Is any type of union possible? (lets not get into gay marriage)

Not sure what that means.

In this society would any type of union be possible?

¬Would you marry one of them? How would you decide which one?

Probably my first partner.

¬Would only two go out on a 'date' at a time?

Personally, I think that if you're forming a poly family, you should date as a family.

¬What about family functions? Would one be left out of such family events as Christmas and thanksgiving? Or would you no long attend them?

I would hope no one would ignore a partner that way, whether dating, common-law or married.


-What would happen if any children were produced from this relationship?

In what way?

I assume you know how reproduction works, I'm hoping I don't have to explain this