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First of all, if you you were giving a sheet that says what you will be graded on for this assignment, that would be very helpful for me to have.


For this type of thing, you aren't supposed be going 'Wouldn't it be great to have this? What do you think about it?'. It's supposed to be more like 'This would be great! Support this idea, it would help us all!'. There should be very few questions (if any) in there.

Also, for spelling questions, you can either use spell check on your word processor, or go to www.dictionary.com.


This is the basic thing the I think you should build off of. This should not be the final edit done to it.

I took many things out, and edited many things. So take a look at those things, and build back on top of this stuff.


The second and third paragraphs were basically repetition.

Although you might be able to do something with them still. Probably combining them would be the best.
The second paragraph has a good point with saying that three day weekends make everybody happy.
The third paragraph has a good point with little kids having a hard time with that many days. If you can combine those two, it would probably work.

But in the third, you shouldn't have the part that says some people may find five days helpful. This essay is about making people agree with you, not telling them about the other side of the story.

The last paragraph shouldn't have the questions. Again, this essay is about persuading people to think what you think. Always remember that when you're writing these.
So no questions.

All three paragraphs should have some more material, and more stuff supporting your point.


Now for the smaller things.

Remember to use spellcheck. It would catch a lot of this stuff.

You made a lot of little mistakes like not capitalizing the first letter after a period, spelling words wrong, and grammar mistakes.

Also, this should probably be more formal. It depends on your teacher.

So things like having three exclamation marks right after each other should be taken out.

Giving the other point of view is very important in a persuasive essay. It lets the reader know that you recognize possible objections, but that your point is so valid that it overrides those objections. Also, it gives you a chance to shoot down the counterargument. In a short essay, generally one paragraph or so should be devoted to the other point of view. The first half of the paragraph outlines the objection, and the second half shoots it down.

For instance:
"Some may argue that removing a day of school would deprive children of a large amount of knowledge over the course of the year. However, an extra day off would allow additional time for independent review of the material and for rest. This would aid retention of the material learned throughout the week, requiring less in-class review of that material. Thus, removing a day of school per week would actually allow more content to be taught over the course of the year.
Furthermore, . . ."


As for the essay, I agree that it is very rough and informal. I think it needs a lot more polishing.