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 Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:41 pm
Rain falls, the wind howls
Clouds fill up you skies
Hidden tears of a pain, deep inside
Can hardly cover up your lies
Lightning crashes, thunder booms
Rain floods the windows of your soul
In the turmoil of what’s going on
You look for something to make you whole
Searching throughout the darkness
Looking for that light
Your efforts, in vain, beat you down
Trapped in a storm, in an endless night
A violent swirling storm
Corrupting all that you knew
With each sound of bashing and crashing
Old things become anew
The storms of life take you over
Each having purpose despite their pain
You seem completely lost and all alone
Standing out in the rain
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:48 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 5:57 am
ooooooh...
Gave me chills!
I really like it, the form is one of my favourites. It sounds great, and looks great as you're reading it.
I liked your wording especially.
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:23 am
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:25 am
Random NaySayer ooooooh... Gave me chills! I really like it, the form is one of my favourites. It sounds great, and looks great as you're reading it. I liked your wording especially. eek Thank you very much 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 11:50 am
Your imagery is amazing...the way that you use the storm to emphasize emotions make this poem wonderful! heart
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 1:16 pm
U4ic_Tendencies Your imagery is amazing...the way that you use the storm to emphasize emotions make this poem wonderful! heart Thanks heart
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 7:09 am
Very nicely done- the piece had a good rhythm, good imagery, and was very interesting. The beginning started off a little rough- as most beginnings do- but the rest of the poem made up for it. Keep up the good work!
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 6:05 am
It's very metaphoric. Well done, though I think the second line has a "you" that should be a "your"
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 1:17 pm
Quote: Lightning crashes, thunder booms Rain floods the windows of your soul You seem completely lost and all alone Standing out in the rain nice job. you kept well to the four-lined stanza, and though the beginning was a little rough, the rest went on rather well. good use of words and nice ending.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 4:51 pm
I really liked this one. It seemed to have an errie quality to it which made it all the better.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 10:54 pm
Interesting, I like the end. Of course, I''m the kind of freak who stands in the rain (the few times it does rain here) But I really thought that you related the storm to a the turmoil in a person''s life. When most people do that, it comes out cheesy, but you made it stick with a no-pity-for-you kind of thing. Nice!
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:01 pm
that... gave me goosebumps... it was really good. I like how you related storms to life... awesome
- <3 rose <3 -
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:46 am
I too like this poem, the use of the storm to emphasize emotins, is a perfect metaphor
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:49 pm
Perfect enough to be used about a thousand times before. :-/
I don't mean to be... mean after all this glowing praise, and although the poem itself is technically good, couldn't you have picked a more original metaphor? Storms are so overused. sad
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