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 Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 9:50 pm
So I would like to know who the first chapter is.
I have a problem with starting things off,
So I want to see if it's good. Please give me your critizim,
I like critizim, be evil if you want to be.
It helps me improve. Thanks so much. ^.^
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Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 9:55 pm
"Hey Courtney," a girl ran through the bluish colored grass. Her soft-red blond hair flew in her face as she ran toward a little house down the way. "Courtney! My dad almost finished the tree house, and then there's... there..." she panted as she reached the door which was slightly open.
"Courtney?" she felt a fear rise in her as a strange scent filled her nose. "Are you there?" she questioned pushing the door open. The young girls eyes widened at the three people on the floor, covered in blood. She wanted to scream but it was caught in her throat.
Some of the blood dripped off the ceiling and pooled on the floor. She looked at her feet and seen she was standing in it. She turned around and ran toward the door, without taking her eyes off of the grotesque scene. She ran into someone making fall backwards into the crimson liquid.
"What have we here?" a male voice asked dripping with malice. She slowly turned her head toward the man, her eyes filled with fear as he hovered over her with a butcher knife in his hand covered with blood.
Blood began to rise, or so it seemed to the girl. It rose like a flood, up to her shoulders, to her neck, until she was completely engulfed in it like water. She struggled to breath to swim to the top but she couldn't reach it.
Mari sprang up where she had fallen asleep, breathing in sweet air. She was covered in a cold sweet. It took her a moment of figure out where she was, until she remembered she had fallen asleep in a field about a mile from the dirt road.
"Stupid memories," she cursed throwing herself back onto the foot long grass that concealed her from people who passed by on the road. Mari didn't want to go back to sleep. She didn't like to dream. Each one was a nightmare. Even if it started off normal, it always ended with her heart beating faster then she could breathe.
She looked at the moon, seeing it was high in the sky. She didn't want to go back to sleep, but morning wouldn't come for another six hours or so. She closed her eyes hoping to have a dreamless sleep. But she was never one to get exactly what she wanted. Most of the time it was the exact opposite.
"Hey, Casey?" a little boy with chestnut colored hair asked a red-head, sitting next to him.
"What is it, Davy?" she answered; her bright blue eyes followed the clouds as they drifted by. The two were probably between six and seven, but it wasn't certain. David had short chestnut colored hair cut a little above his ears, giving him the real boyish look. His dark green eyes were brought out more against his pale skin. Casey had reddish brown hair, and lightly tanned colored skin. Her crystal clear blue eyes where like little pools on her face, lost in the wild hair on her head.
"Do you know exactly what alchemy is?"
Mari flinched in her sleep, her head jerking a bit, but she didn't get up; she couldn't. It was always seemed to be like that when she dreamed. She couldn't wake herself up, even if she knew she was having a nightmare. She had to let it play out 'til the end.
It had been 4 years since they started, and now she only had dreams about the girl named Casey, and another person whom she didn't know the name of. She still didn't have a clue why she had them, or where they came from. But they were always full of mixed moods. And most of the time they ended in nightmares, making Mari's blood run cold...
"Alchemy – Noun. The science of transforming one matter into something else; to obtain something, something of equal value must be lost. This is the law of equivalent exchange."
"It seems complicated to me."
"It's really not. Do you want me to show you how it works?" Casey offered.
"Really? That would be great! I'm not that good at it, and don't know much, either."
"That's quite alright, come with me and I can show you all that my brother taught me..." Casey's voice faded and the scene slowly turned from a clear sunny day, to a dark and foggy night.
It was gloomy and though the sky was clear, a thick fog had descended quite suddenly. Thunder sounded, and lightly streaked the sky, but not a single drop of rain fell. Inside the center of a warehouse was an old-looking man standing in front of a chalked transmutation circle. In the circle was the form a human body; it looked like a woman. She was on her back, seemingly dead with her inner organs showing and her skin blanketed by a goo substance mixed with blood.
A cold sweat formed on Mari's head and her breathing became a bit unsteady. She could feel the blood draining from her body, making her even colder as the cold night air brushed over her.
"I don't understand why it didn't work," the man said in a hushed whisper. "Maybe if I do it another way..." He went to a desk where there were books and papers spread all over. He was muttering to himself about theorems and other such nonsense. His eyes were clouded, showing all the troubles he had been through. They color in them were almost lost, but still a faint color of green. His hair looked like a light grey brown. And though he seemed older, he was only in his mid-twenties.
The "lifeless" thing in the center of the transmutation circle had pale, ghost-like skin. She laid on the floor; not moving or breathing. Suddenly, it opened her eyes and sat up. She was filled with pain and tried not to move, but her efforts were useless. She went on her knees and tried to stand, only to fall back on her knees. It caused her great pain and she let out a blood curdling scream that echoed through the night...
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