|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:43 am
I've had so much bloody reading and so much bloody writing that I've had no bloody time to come in here and read and editother peoples work. stressed stressed stressed
But enough of my ranting. My absense has been due to travel writing and having to read a bloody book each week. But amougst all that I've also been writing poems, of which I shall share with you. It's a "Villanelles" style poem and free verse. If you don't know what that is you'll soon get the jist of it.
Enjoy
I've warned you before about staying out late
I've warned you before about staying out late,
creatures will appear vividly in your eyes.
A second will pass
and you are walking slowly
down the streets.
I've warned you before about staying out late,
your clothes become sexy and people?s
minds become sinister.
A second will pass
and a hand will be on your thigh.
Your heart will melt black with fear.
I've warned you before about staying out late,
you strike them twice, your palm burns
and your arms hug your waist.
A second will pass
and no longer do you walk, you run furiously,
although, your heels slow you down.
I've warned you before about staying out late.
A second will pass.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 7:55 pm
ah! I know this style! Didn't Sylvia Plath (did I get that name right? I remember she was suicidal) write some poems in that style??
*doesnt understand poetry, so has no idea how in the heck that style works*
So...is she being mugged? Kidnapped? What? eek
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 5:46 am
Well the system works out that you repeat lines 1 and 3 in stanza one in alternative stanzas in 2,3,4and 5 and stanza six uses both of them in the last lines. It rhymes as a1ba2 aba1 aba2 aba1 aba2 aba1a2 and has 19 lines.
*Breaths xp
I think she's being groped. But I'm not fond of peotry either. This was like the first thing that popped into my head.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 3:07 pm
i liked it alot. Though i don't read much poetry...or write any sweatdrop i think you did a good job. I'm sorta thinking about making a poem if i can find time(which is not an easy feet)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 8:44 am
It gives me chills! It reads so calmly, but it's so sinister! Makes me happy I had a friend walk me home from the pub last night... sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 9:42 am
Im not sure what it is about, but it does have a unque pattern.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 3:11 pm
Most of my poems are vague in meaning. I'll be honest, I don't put a lot of effort into them. But I like this style.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 4:43 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:41 am
Awesome Queeny! You're usually the one critiquing my work. xD This was really good, and I especially liked the first. That a cool style of poetry. I like! -three thumbs up-
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:41 pm
for someone who doesnt understand poetry, you write it well.
i like the style, it's interesting. I might try it some time, even though I'm more of a free-verse type of girl.
- <3 rose <3 -
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 10:32 am
I like the feeling you inspire in the first one. Really granted me goose bumps on the hairs of my arms. Second one I enjoyed for its imagery and Metaphor. I liked how you used metaphor to truly express how your ideas can flow...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 5:33 pm
Thanks for your views everyone. They are very encouraging and are helping me feel better about writing poetry. heart heart heart
Like I said I would, I up dated my poem but because the form is lost somewhere in the other pages, I'll just dump it here. Yet again I've gone for the three line stanzas (Laziness) and I think I've gotten out of the trap of making this one into a story... even though it's based on one... which I also needs to up date... and rewrite.
Anyhow...
Element love (2nd edit)
Can a woman of the air marry a man of fire?
The two elements conflict with each other and yet,
when these two hold their peace they can share a desire.
Soft and calm is her breeze when her fingers touch his chest,
obsession and pleasure are his when he rubs her back.
This is the only time these two forms are at their best.
When she is tranquil, her current of air is tender
to allow the creatures of the skies to swoop and dive.
When he is serene his flames of red passion render
a warmth for man, and enough devotion for her skin.
But when he soon feels lust for her cool and silky breath
he leans over to seize her gentle shoulders, to pin
her down, to steal a kiss that draws away her fresh air,
her fresh air that allows him to swell and burn and rage
to a ferocious fire that abandons her where
her lungs are lifeless, her heart barely alive, though her
fury matures. She neither steals fuel from another
but splits and rips the chains that bounds a fierce Zephyr.
She no longer regards the God that gave her the storms,
he is aware of the God who lives within himself.
Now a hurricane of ferocity, she soon forms
a seal around his rampant body. Her eyes, he sees
her eyes, his love. He grabs but her flurry pushes him
back down so the lady of the wind can send a breeze
to stroke his face, to closes his eyes, to feel her cool breath;
so cool, so smooth and without oxygen to sustain
his size and shrinks so he cannot save himself from death.
She would not suffocate him, for she loves him and now,
they lose their rule and become beings once more, and again
their hands reach to touch each other and ask themselves how.
End
Yay blaugh Hmm... I'm not sure. What y'all think? confused
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 7:26 pm
Since this is my first time reviewing, I'll go in order...
The first one I thought was very good. The rhythm was very good, it had a moral (which I always like), and had good imagery. There really wasn't anything in that one I thought needed changing... great job!
The second one actually flowed very awkwardly. I think the punctuation didn't quite fit as well as it should have and thus created a weird rhyme scheme. Other than that, I thought it was a very good poem- good job!
The third one I really liked. It had awesome imagery, very good use of punctuation, and maybe it was just me, but I found it thought-provoking as well. Parts seemed a bit weird probably due to the vague style of the piece, but nothing I thought needed changing. Very good job on this one! I can't wait to see more!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:29 pm
Cereah Since this is my first time reviewing, I'll go in order... The first one I thought was very good. The rhythm was very good, it had a moral (which I always like), and had good imagery. There really wasn't anything in that one I thought needed changing... great job! The second one actually flowed very awkwardly. I think the punctuation didn't quite fit as well as it should have and thus created a weird rhyme scheme. Other than that, I thought it was a very good poem- good job! The third one I really liked. It had awesome imagery, very good use of punctuation, and maybe it was just me, but I found it thought-provoking as well. Parts seemed a bit weird probably due to the vague style of the piece, but nothing I thought needed changing. Very good job on this one! I can't wait to see more!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
|
Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:35 pm
I like all three. The last one was very inspiring and it made me want to add to my story, which I did. Thank you. I needed that kick in the a**! xd
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
