Here is chapter 0, of a story I have been writing for about 7 years now. I warn you, this is the 3rd edit, as it's the only one I have on this computer.
Chapter 0
And So it begins…
One day as I was walking down the street, to go get something to drink, I ran into something. I soon found that this was not a something but a some one. “Excuse me, sorry about that”, I said. “Oh, what?” the some one replied as if waking up. “Uh”, I started, “I bumped into you.” That’s when I realized what I bumped into. It was an old homeless guy, who was sleeping in the street. “Oh, that’s ok”, the old man said ,“Happens all the time, maybe I should get a card board box like the guys on the east side.” Then I started again, “Well, I’m sorry about the whole thing, is there something I can do to make it up to you?”
“Well”, the old man began, “You could stay awhile and listen to my tale.” “No”, I said quickly, “I really must be going.” That’s when he latched onto my leg and began begging. I decided the best coarse of action would be to try and shake him off my leg, then make a break for the nearest gas station. My plan fail, as I was only able to make it 50ft or so, before the old man wore me out.
“Give up”, the old man taunted. “Hey”, I said, pointing behind the old man, “ A truck full of money, and all the guards are unconscious.” “I’m not falling for that one”, the old man cackled. Then I watch helplessly as the armed guards regained consciousness, cleaned up the money and left. Depression soon set in, as I realized that he was not going to let go until I heard his tale, and I was really thirsty too. “Ok”, I said, finally giving in, “I’ll listen to your tale, if you let me go afterwards.” “Ok”, the old man replied, “Now, let me think here, how did it go. Once upon a time, no, that’s not it. It was a dark and stormy night….uh…that’s not it either. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….hmmm.. that can’t be it.” Seeing as the old man was having a problem, I decided to step in and speed up the process. “Excuse me”, I started, “But how about I tell a tale instead, not that I don’t think yours is good or anything, but I do have one.” “Well, ok”, the man agreed, “But it had better be a good one. I think I was on to something with that galaxy far away bit.” “Oh it’s good,” I reassured him, “You will never forget it.” And then I started.
Once, way back when hair was big and curly, when tube sox were cool, and when Dawg was the name of a four legged animal, Plano East Senior High was preparing for it first year after being built. It was a magnificent campus, with lots of parking space. A place where students could go and learn, without the fear of insane amounts of homework and bizarre pop quizzes that had nothing to do with the current subject matter being taught. Everyone loved this place, but most of all, they loved what was at the heart of the campus. It was a big, clean, blue, sparkling pond. Never had such a beautiful body of water ever exist. The students loved it so much that they had placed their beloved Spirit Rock next to the pond, and then gave the rock it’s first coat of paint. (It now being twice it’s original size from being painted over so many times). Yes, this was a place of happiness and joy, but soon all that would change as the coming of the winter approached.
It was this winter, that a science fair had been announced with a first place prize of $500. Now most students didn’t really care for this, as it was about one week before Christmas break, and they had better things to do. However, it did interest two very promising students. (The names about to be presented were change to protect the innocent…..and make fun of them) The first student was a Scottish AP Biology 2 student at the top of his class, and his name was Pat Mc Crotch. The other student was the only person ever to attend and pass AP Chemistry 2, Ben Dover. These two students usual combined their powers two fight the forces of evil, as MegaKabuchi Man, and other times they would just make weird stuff. These things usually included six legged cats, really tiny indestructible dogs meant only for kicking, and a genetically engineered virus. The virus was created to mentally lower girls dating standards so Ben and Pat would finally have a chance to get lucky. The funny thing though, every time they tested the virus it just seemed to produce the same effects as the Black Plague. So after 2 cheerleaders, one band chick, and the entire tennis team, they abandoned the project, and began focusing on this science fair.
For the science fair, they decided to try something with Pat’s goldfish Bob. What happened during that time period is not known, but the list of things used is as followed: 1 case of soda, 10 beef ramen noodle packs, toilet paper….oh, sorry, that’s my grocery list. Ah, here it is: 1 gold fish, 1 bean and cheese burrito, 10 miles of dental floss, steroid legal only in China, octopus DNA, a car battery powered disco ball, two large cheese pizzas, and a tape of the first 5 episodes of Miami Vice. And although Pat and Ben were masters of their trades, something went horribly wrong, because if nothing did then this story wouldn’t be that interesting. What ever happened, it was so bad that they decided to stop the experiment, and destroy all the evidence. But one question remained, what to do with “IT”.
They had created a creature that should have never been born, and now they had to dispose of it. First Pat tried drowning it, but was smacked by Ben, and then remembered it used to be fish. Then the two tried burning it, but like a burrito, the outside got hot, but the inside was still nice and cool. Next they tried slicing and stabbing it to death, but thanks to the dental floss and octopus DNA, it just regenerated and pulled it self together. Finally, in a fit of rage, Ben electrocuted it with the car battery powered disco ball. And now all they were faced with was, what to do with the corpse. And that’s when Pat had an idea, the pond, nobody would look there. Ben agreed, and after an hour of dragging the thing around, they disposed of it in the clean, fresh water. Soon the school year started up again, and Ben and Pat took a freak runt from one of the six legged cat litters, one that had 12 legs, and entered it under the name Cattapeed. It won second, after a baking soda and vinegar powered volcano the size of a small car killed one of the judges in a tidal wave of dark orange foam.
Well, spring turned back into winter, and winter jumped directly to summer, which in turn summer went back to spring, and finally ended when spring skipped summer and went directly to fall. But this fall something was different, and it wasn’t the unnatural rearrangement of the seasons at their own desire. No, this Fall, a cheerleader straightened her hair out and dyed it black, a man said to his friend, “How’s it going Dog?”, and the question “if (2 x Mia Angelou) + George Lucas = Tennyson, then Shakespeare = ?” appeared on an English quiz. But strangest of all was the pond, which had turned brown, and was covered by a 2 inch layer of moss and algae. After this was noted, some turkeys escape from the Ag-barn and bred with some of the ducks, creating a kind of turkey-duck, which still inhabits the school today. A lot of people began to worry, and others tried to seek out the truth. Even the principal, Mr. Mackiffy, tried to solve this new mystery, but to no avail. Even the janitors where starting to worry when they saw two ducks snatched right out of the air, and pulled under the water by a tentacle. There were also about three turkey-ducks that had gone missing too, but most believe that this was not the work of the tentacle. Soon the principal started getting desperate and began a search for monster hunters. And so began the great battle between the school and the pond.
After an hour, the old man awoke to find himself chained to a tree, with me in front of him sipping fruit juice. And then he asked, “Hey, what happened.” And I replied, “Well, you fell asleep, so I chained you to this tree while I went and got something to drink.” “Can I have some?”, he asked with a smile. And I said, “Only if you promise to stay awake for the rest of the story.” He nodded his head. I then took a juice and taped it to his head, took a straw out, and connected the drink to his mouth. He seemed happy, given the situation. After he finished he questioned, “So how much more to go?” And I gave an evil grin and said, “Oh, much more, much much more.” I was going to make him sorry he never let go of my leg. “Now”, I started again, “Where was I?”
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