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 Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 11:10 am
You came into work late again.
I watch and pretend I don't care
And when you walk right past me,
I try my best not to stare.
I can tell you were with her again...
I can see it in your eyes.
The conversation we had the other night,
I can tell they were all lies.
You told me you had left her,
And you no longer needed her touch..
But with the way you've been acting,
I should have expected as much.
"It was just a little..."
You look down in shame
But my friends often tell me
That I'm the one to blame...
It was three years ago this December...
That I made my biggest mistake
And I left you for him.
And it was a pain you couldn't take...
So you ran to her.
You thought she could numb it all.
You thought she would lift you up
But instead, she makes you crawl.
I watched you yesterday...
Did you see the concern on my face?
As you started sweating and shaking...
Yearning for her embrace...
She is the addiction.
The heroin, the oxycoton, the coke.
A need within you to find peace
That I never meant to provoke.
You tell me you're still in love...
You tell me you still need me.
You said that I was the only one
That could set your heart free.
You came into work late again.
And you look at me and stare..
And when I see that glazed look in your eyes...
I try my best not to care.
**NOTE**
I'm not too sure about the new policies on new posts without critique's on other people's post, but I have critiqued more than 3 other writings before posting this... and I think that's what was meant on the sticky, sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:13 pm
Wow. I enjoyed that a lot. The rhmye skeem fit so perfectly. I almost couldn't even realize it was rhyming it fit so perfectly. I can feel the emotions running so strongly through your words. It made me feel like I was going through a corrupt relationship that has pain. In the way you explain it, I feel like I am right there.
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:37 pm
The new policy merely means that you critique three peices of work before posting any one of your own. If you have any other questions, feel free to post them.
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:26 pm
gnr1988rock Wow. I enjoyed that a lot. The rhmye skeem fit so perfectly. I almost couldn't even realize it was rhyming it fit so perfectly. I can feel the emotions running so strongly through your words. It made me feel like I was going through a corrupt relationship that has pain. In the way you explain it, I feel like I am right there. Thanks that means a lot to me. It's just so hard to express the anguish in the situation. confused
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:03 pm
This is a very good piece that shows the horrendous relationship between someone being cheated on and the cheater. You have awesome ryhme, and an impactful line scheme. Good job.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 3:19 pm
Well it's not really about him cheating, it's about his addiction...but I'm not good at being subtle. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 4:10 pm
Wow. I don't read poetry very often but I can honestly say that yours was superb. It has a great feel to it, and the rhyming was perfect. I didn't have to go back twice to re-read like I have to do with most poems. Perfect, keep up the excellent work.
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 4:29 pm
I too thought this an awesome peice of work...
And I thought you did the subtlety rather well...You implied more than you told; great mastery of suggestion.
I'm not generally fond of the rhyme scheme you chose for it, but you made it work beautifully, so I didn't mind reading it at all. I liked the individual lines between the stanzas as well.
Great write, and keep up the good work!
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 7:06 pm
Very good, but do you mean "came (home) late from work"? just wondering , because how would she know that he came late for work, enless they work at the same place? oh well, I'm just picky, but i still enjoed reading it. mrgreen
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