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Okay, the only thing I ask for is that the joke is no bigger than the box you are going to be typing it in. The jokes are supposed to be funny, but that is optional.

Lets start off, shall I?

I was walking down this street one day and I heard this 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' from over the fence. So I looked over and there's this chicken. It went 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' up at me, so I went 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' down at it, and it went 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' up and me and I went 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' down at it and it went 'bawk bawk bawk bawk' up at me and I went 'bawk bawk ba-' and a policeman arrested me for using fowl language.

10 Things You Can Only Find In America

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Andy would love that dead baby joke...

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about a third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with. Why, they actually have a program here that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him into that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So, how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks. "Great, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with this program, they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!" "Read?" says his father. "No kidding? What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. But the boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read, so he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I can't wait to see him talk and read something." "Dad," the boy says, "I have some sad news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'" The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a b***h before he talks to your mother." "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy."