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I've come to a point in my life, as I'm sure others are and have been before, where despite active use of contraception there's still a slim chance of having a child. Now, the one I'm with is not someone I would marry. I like him and it's more of a fun/friendly type of thing. However, he's made it clear that if he were to get a woman pregnant he would immediately marry her and devote himself fully to the raising of the child. I appreciate that he's anti-abortion and responsible, and birth control is always used. However, as eager as I would be to raise any child I conceived I would not be so excited about marrying someone I didn't love.

Basically my question is this: In terms of raising a child would you think it a better idea to marry the other parent and potentially hurt it deeply with divorce later on or simply share custody and responsibility in an unmarried setting? And yes, I am aware that many of you think that sexual contact before and outside of marriage is a terrible thing. I respect that opinion. However, in the context of this question I don't think it's a wholly valid response.

A cousin of mine had a baby out of marriage a little over a year ago. She's 19 now, same as I am. Both her and the father have been there the whole time devoting the best of their care to their daughter and have been doing great so far. Their daughter is happy and healthy, but the two of them are not married. I know my cousin's devout Catholic (don't know about the father) and I'm surprised that she didn't marry and that they're doing so well.

Now, with my personal experiences with unwed parenting out there I would like to know what y'all think. Please do share your own associations and observations.

Oh, I'm not pregnant haha. I just think I should be mentally prepared for every possible situation. It's not fair to everyone involved just to act on impulse. I want to be strong and confident no matter what happens, and in my opinion it's best to ask these questions and hear everyone out so in the event of a pregnancy I'd know what to do.

Thanks for your input biggrin

Well, the thing is I don't know if he'd want to because he really wanted to or because it's what he felt he had to do. The problem isn't just getting in the way of his goals and dreams--no child should ever have to feel like they ruined their parents' lives or that they were a problem.

I'd like any potential father to help out, I'm just not sure that marriage as an obligation is a good idea. It seems like it would just make everyone involved unhappy, and it shouldn't be that way.

Shot gun wedding XD Sorry.

Any ways. I have to agree with what both Ser and Isis said. Explain to him that if it happend, you still arnt so sure abut marriage. Its ture, marriage done out of a feel of obligation leads to more problems then it can ever hope to fix. Let him know that if such does happen, the child is his, and he has a say in that childs life as that child's father.

I have heard of a chemical based temporary steralises for males. It can last from about four to eight years, the most common time being about six years untill it weres off. I'm not sure where to get it, what its called, or where to look it up though

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/bc_chart.html


I won't vouch that this information is 100% correct, but at least it's a good start for information.

I agree with this statement fundamentally. It is excellent advice. But...a personal story is kinda making me feel otherwise in certain specific cases.

I just found out this week that my older cousin became pregnant out of wedlock.

Now...some of you may or may not know but I'm the sort of person who has never found staying a virgin to be particularly hard. But there is one thought that makes the temptation almost seem like a logical move. "We're going to get married anyway. Why not?" I'm almost convinced that this thinking is what led my cos to make this choice. She is a religious person and I believe she had every intention of doing the standard Catholic monogamous marriage thing. But she has been dating this guy for years and she expected to marry him...I feel totally understanding of her situation and how she got into it. It's...not like the same idea has never crossed my mind....and it's not like my SO feels any moral obligations to any deity.

She's keeping the baby and they plan to have a quick wedding before the child is born or shortly after. I don't know him very well but I know she will make a great mom. She's so good with kids. I believe he loves her...but from what I hear he somewhat lacks focus and a strong sense of direction as far as financial stability goes. I think....it'll all be okay in the end. Nothing slaps a sense of responsibility into a decent person like parenting. I've known people to turn their lives upside down for the better for their kids..

If a couple is so convinced enough that they would have gotten married anyway to decide to take the plunge and have sex...maybe they're also ready to take the plunge and get married. They're not teenagers anymore.

Yeah, honestly it's not hard for me to imagine loving the guy later on but we're young. I'm 19, he's 21. It's not the time of life to be deciding you're soulmates forever. I've made that error before, and while everything turned out alright in the end I've realized how unrealistic it is to expect life-long romance at this stage. Right now I'm just enjoying life and having fun.

I wouldn't mind giving up my vices if I got pregnant, I mean it's not my body and my life entirely anymore at that point. I'd just rather avoid the situation entirely. It's nice to be prepared mentally for all outcomes though.