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Point! What�s Your Point?
#2 It Don�t Mean s**t.
Jeff A. Van Booven


Why are we here? This is a question that has been debated throughout the centuries by philosophers and learned men. You�d think, that given the insanely long amount of time they had to figure it out, they would have gotten a clue. But when you consider that their most convincing argument of existence is �I think therefore I am,� it doesn�t leave a lot to be expected from them. After all, many people think, but it doesn�t do them a whole lot of good.

Another fun topic is our purpose in life. Whether or not we have one, but it�s apparently something people will pay for. Countless, books, movies, and other such T.V. shows �like the sob stories you see on Oprah- have been sold for this very purpose. If you�re one of the people lucky enough to know a massive amount of idiots, you can live a pretty wealthy life. Plus, if you�re missing a leg, all the better. Mass Media loves a sob story.

Through all this debate and discussion, the human race has achieved virtually little success in defining ourselves in the abstract. We�re left with little to show and nothing to go on. As far as the abstract goes, to quote a not-so-great NASCAR driver, �It don�t mean s**t.�

It doesn�t leave us with much, just what we want out of life. But lets be honest about it, even then, most of what we want is pointless. Legacies aren�t going to be meaningful to you after you�re dead. Money isn�t going to do you any good six feet under. Don�t get me wrong, if you can get some green, good, but you shouldn�t waste your life away if you can�t. There�s one thing that�s worth more than either of them, and that�s happiness. In your lifetime, happiness is what�s going to matter. If you led a happy life, then you lead a good life.

Too many people, especially in today�s society, are focused solely on the negatives of the culture by zeroing in on things they don�t like. Extremist-Vegans and Eco-terrorists, especially groups like PETA, are good examples of this. They can�t be happy because they can�t agree with the rights of others. Thus, they have to terrorize others and make the world even more unhappy. Then you have the job market; people work their lives away just to buy junk they don�t really need. It isn�t a fluke that you find many more happy people in unindustrialized nations. They don�t have to deal with the constant grind of our high-paced, rush society that places so much emphasis on material goods.

Do yourself a favor. When you go out in the world, do what makes you happy, not what makes you rich. Or, just make a sandwich.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#4 You�re Idea�s Great. Now Shut Up.
Jeff A. Van Booven

Anybody who frequents writers� forums, especially those with a large population of younger writers, will have noticed this phenomena. It seems that the younger ones have an exceedingly increasing need to have their ideas approved by others. Rarely do these ideas yield such approval either.

The biggest problem faced by wanting such approval is that, most of the time, the ideas put out by younger writers are clich�. Older, more experienced writers are quick to point this out as well. In this way, many of these younger writers end up discouraged from writing their stories. This leads to another problem. The younger writers aren�t practicing their writing.

This lack of practice makes the critiques they receive even harsher. More errors are pointed out, and all around there is less to compliment. Seeing that their stories aren�t very good turns off even more of the younger writers because they feel that they should be good right off the bat. Which, is rarely ever the case.

One of the greatest mistake a young writer can make is to assume that those talented authors started out that way. As I said earlier, older and �more experienced� writers. Experience counts for a lot. You learn to be a better writer by writing. If you consistently seek approval of your ideas before you write them then you miss out on very important practice.

In the early going, it does not matter if an idea is original or clich�. A new author usually lacks the talent an experience to make any idea well written. Stop worrying about whether your idea is good or not. Don�t even bother typing up the idea and asking others to critique it. You aren�t going to like the results. Your self-esteem will not get a boost.

Self-esteem is a hindrance to early writers. They don�t know how to deal with having it hurt. In fact, you�ll hardly ever notice the future authors until they put out a decent piece of work. Those who truly want to work to become authors don�t spend their time asking others to critique their ideas. They go out, write them, and ask people for advice on how they can improve. When they get that advice, they act upon it. They don�t let self-esteem get in the way.

For all you younger writers who want to become a good writer. You�re idea�s great. Now shut up and write it. Quality ideas do not mean quality stories unless you can produce quality writing.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#6 911 for Peace.
Jeff A. Van Booven

Some of you may recognize this columns title from a particular song that is sung by Anti-Flag. For most of you that actually know me, this would come as no surprise that I actually listen to them. What should come as a greater surprise to you is just how relevant this song is to you, even if you think it doesn't.

At the time I'm writing this it happens to be the day after London was bombed. Seeing as this column will be coming to you most likely over a month from the time I'm writing this you may find some discrepancies and all. Though in reality, that bombing isn't all that relative to this column, it's more of a catalyst to the point.

Already within hours after the attacks there was already a call to strengthen our resolve to fight these 'evil' terrorist. But are we really fighting them, or just dropping bombs. Currently our resolve to fight terrorism consists of the line, �I will achieve world peace; even if I have to kill every last one of you.�

For terrorists are not terrorists because they have bombs and can kill us. They are terrorist because they have an ideology that says we are 'evil' people that need to be eliminated. And, what a good way to prove their point than carpet bombing them. We're trading bombs for bombs and it's not going to get either side anywhere. It only feeds the fire. It only proves the other side is 'evil.' It only continues the killing, the murder, the slaughter of innocent lives.

It's not until we fight the true war. Not until we fight the hatred. The ideals. The reasons why they want us dead that any side will win. It isn't about who can kill who. It's about who can bring the people to their side. And bombs are certainly no answer to this problem. You can't win by killing the members, you win by killing the cause. �La Resistance� from the South Park movie states it quite plainly. �Even though you die, La Resistance lives on.�

So turn off your T.V. Stop listening to the politicians and their screams. We don't need their violence, we don't need their answers. Lets extend the olive branch. Let our generation tell the truth and make us the great nation we truly are. Let us not drop bombs, but words instead. Let us treat the world as humans rather than enemies and evil. Let us bring peace through words not wars.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#8 Trick or Treat, N00b.
Jeff A. Van Booven

In just a few days many members of our esteemed younger generations will dress up in costumes and go door to door in order to extort you out of your hard earned candy. Other members of a slightly older generation will be out to render damages to your property. And even older members of what we will call generation whipper-snapper will go to somebody else's house and get drunk, therefore they are not really important to this article and, as such, can generally be ignored (accepting of course that you don't have a teenage daughter in this age group, but that's your problem not mine).

However, with this lovely article I will introduce you to some simple steps that you can take to protect yourself this Halloween using products you can pick up from your local hardware store, military base, or any other place where high explosives are sold. While some of these methods may be considered illegal in some, if not all states, they are all a matter of self-defense. Lets face it, these whipper-snappers don't want to pay for your social security, and they need to be learned their place.

First on our list of things to consider is prevention. What better way to protect yourself from their onslaught than making them not wanting to screw with you in the first place. And what better way to scare them the hell off than by littering your lawn with decapitated woodland creatures? It also makes a good use for all those rabbits, squirrels, and other vermin that have been trying to destroy your garden.

Next, because we know that woodland creatures won't be enough, dig yourself up some half decayed human corpses. Accept no substitute for the real thing. Plus, if you want to get real creative, they can double as zombies, but then somebody might wisen up and shotgun them, which would make an awful mess.

Also, if you live in a real bad neighborhood you may want to defecate all over your lawn. It may stink and take a while to finish, but when you think about it, it will be suffering well spent. After all, it isn't the effect that matters, it's the besting of the whipper-snappers that is more important. Winning isn't everything, but total annihilation of the competition is.

Now, on the off chance, people may yet not be deterred by your efforts. This is why we move on to the next step, loss prevention. However, to begin with, you need to add a sign to your yard. �All trespassers will be shot, maimed, shot again, burned, shot, and mutilated. And shot.�

There is, however, one universally accepted way to take care of people walking on your land. We commonly refer to it as land mines, but to be more specific, anti-personnel mines. Now, there is two ways you can go about this. You can use smaller mines like the Chinese type 72 or the American M-14, which will subsequently only do minor damage to the target whipper-snapper's lower extremities. This course of action can only mean one thing, which is that you are a wimp who wants to get your candy stolen. I personally suggest you go with a much more lethal device, the fragmentation mine. Designed to maim, incapacitate, or kill you just can't go wrong with one of these babies.

We can't depend solely upon the stupidity of generation whipper-snapper alone to kill them, plus it is hard to lay mines in concrete. This is where my next suggest comes in. This is where I suggest a howitzer. What better way to stop unwanted trick or treaters than by nailing them with shells from thirty-thousand meters away? If that doesn't stop them, then why not get yourself the Canadian 1st Infantry Division. It isn't like they're doing much of anything anyways.

Some of you may want to take things a bit more into your own hands. There is always the classic but clich� chainsaw, which is always fun. Also, if you want to get a bit creative you can fashion your own festive punji sticks that can be used to liven up your Halloween decorations. Pumpkins rigged with napalm will also allow you to set any would be extortionist aglow in a very befitting manner.

Should, however, they manage to avoid your defenses and arrive at your door I suggest nothing less than depleted uranium shells fired at point blank range. Follow this up with as many blasts from a shotgun as you deem appropriate; the more the better. If you are not able to stop them, consider pre-placing snipers on surrounding rooftops.

If after all this they still manage to steal your candy there is only one true and feasible option to use: The AH-64 Apache Attack Helicopter. Armed with not only a M230 30mm automatic cannon it comes equipped with Hellfire, Aim-92, and Aim-9 missiles. And, if that wasn't enough, it also comes with Hydra 70 rockets. If you can't bring down generation whipper-snapper with this bad boy, then you don't deserve your candy.

These are just a few cheap and simple steps that you can take this Halloween to ensure that your stash of candy will be protected from the dastardly generation whipper-snapper who will stop at nothing to see your reserves depleted. This year don't let candy theft happen to you. Also, for the kids, always stay in well lit areas, only visit houses with their lights on. Have your parents inspect all your candy before you eat any and always stay outside even if you are invited in. Have a fun, happy, and safe Halloween.

Until next time, keep generation whipper-snapper off my lawn.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#10 An Open Letter to Congress
Jeff A. Van Booven

Dear Congress,

I quit. You guy are absolutely the most inadequate and inept legislature I have ever seen or heard about in the history of mankind, and lets not forget you're competing against Europe here. I'm really wondering though, is whether or not we should say �Merry Christmas� or �Happy Holidays� really the most important thing that we need to worry about? Frankly, I thought you guys were actually supposed to be doing some sort of job. If I needed people to debate the merits of a seasonal greeting I could talk to high school students, it'd be about the same level of intelligence that Congress has displayed so far.

By the way, I head a lot of mention about social security a few years back. I was just wondering, what ever became of that? I know a lot of ideas were thrown about, but I haven't seen or heard about any of those going through. Are you guys working on it, or did you expend too much effort prosecuting baseball to buy votes and now you're too worn to a frazzle to work on it? An answer to this question would be nice, because I can't certainly fathom that interfering with the judicial system in the Schivo case took all that much effort on your part. I mean, how hard can ignoring the Constitution be?

Oh, and then there was that issue of redoing the tax code. Now I know that the terrorist and you guys have read too many Clancy novels and all, but please, I'm already sick of paper work... Could you please get this taken care of before I have to start filling out these forms. I'd really appreciate that. And lets be honest, it couldn't hurt in the polls. Sure, H & R Block might be upset, but it'll prevent outsourcing in the long run. And it'll save the common people money. That can't be bad, can it?

Speaking of outsourcing, could we please stop blaming this on corporations? Please, it isn't their fault that our entire populas is incompetent. Lets face it, in many ways, India is doing a damn better job than we are, especially in education. Also, they actually want these sorts of jobs, because they mean something over there. Here, these jobs should be done by high school students, not by people trying to make a living. What the hell part of part time job at Wal-Mart makes people think they should be making a living? Honestly, cashiering is not an option. In this global world you need an education to get ahead. Now guess where you guys fit in, aside from your part in trying to play off your responsibilities in regards to outsourcing?

Yes my friends, let no tax dollar go unwasted, that great federal program designed to ruin education once and for all. I have to hand it to you guys, you couldn't have done a better job at destroying what little hope this nation had left. Yep, another trillion ought to make up for not teaching phonics, real math, or thinking logical for that matter. You'd much prefer that we be creative and make up bullshit. That's great, but a doctorate in bullshitology isn't going to make us better prepared to deal with every former soviet bloc nation that is kicking our a** at everything except sports, except of course, that they've already taken to beating the dream team. So there's one for you, those former communist nations that we all so despised are now doing a better job at educating their youth than we are.

You want to know why all our tech jobs are headed to Asia? They have the educated populas to handle the projects. We barely have enough engineers and scientist over here in the U.S. to handle the amount of work that corporations are asking to be done. The fastest growing industry in the United States is engineering, guess what we're not graduating enough of in this country to fill this demand? If you guessed engineers, then you've guessed correctly. Want to know why? Because we're simply failing to educate people properly. We disdain science as some evil tool of corporate America. Furthermore, we then scare people out of the field by saying all the jobs are going overseas. Well, they're going there because we don't have the people here to do them.

Bush wants us to go to Mars, well, tell NASA to have good luck without qualified scientist and engineers to do the research. It's nice to see that you slashed the budget for scientific research as well, that'll go great for helping us stay a world leader. But you know what we're getting too much of? Lawyers; more pricks like you guys who can't run the country to begin with. How about we start emphasizing science and math in school again? How about we start emphasizing something in school, anything at all. Please, have us learn something other than how not to hurt self-esteem. I'm kind of tired of being the world's best bullshitter. I've had twelve years of education in your system, and frankly, I think I could have done it in six years if it wasn't so pointlessly set up. Perhaps you know who I should send the bill for the last six years of my life? After all, the Asians have covered most of the material by middle school.

Anyways, I've gotten off track, this is supposed to be about you guys and your incompetence. Why is our defense budget larger than most of the world's budget combined? Did we truly manage to piss off that many people that we need to outspend the rest of the world just to defend ourselves? I have this radical new approach to the subject, how about we stop playing a*****e number one in the world? I guess we could just let people fight for their own freedom. I just think it would go over much better if we actually waited until the people themselves started the revolution. It might just seem odd, but I just happen to believe it might be better received if they actually wanted our help in the first place. We don't have to be the world police you know. I certainly don't think Korea and Vietnam needed to happen either, but I'm sure that you've all got a good bit of McCarty in all of you. Case in point, that's money we could actually be using for more productive things, like say, reforming the educational system from top to bottom. Perhaps even making college cheaper so that we can send more people through.

Now lets not say I'm finished yet either. I still want answers for your general conduct. What the ******** is up with all your god damn unimportant bullshit! How dare you people act like ******** middle school children who are dealing with their hormones! Nothing says greatest nation on earth like a middle school spat in the capital! It's a wonder that the rest of the world isn't laughing their asses off at this deluded load of bullshit we call a government! Bush is going to be the president, get the ******** over it and do your job! You're the Congress remember, the legislative branch. He's the executive branch. If you didn't notice you have the power to override his veto's. Then, you'd need a veto to override in the first place. I realize that you the democratic party are not in power, but I don't need you to remind me that Bush is an incompetent idiot every time I turn around, he does a good enough job of that himself. However, it would be nice to see you guys doing your job instead of bitching about republicans. The same goes for you republicans as well, stop bitching about the evil liberals and do your ******** job. And as rich as most of you are, why the ******** are we paying you so much god damn money when you barely even do the job in the first place. I bet you, you could go an entire four years without passing a damn bill -leaving the budget as the same from the previous year- and nobody would notice.

In closing, you're incompetent morons. You haven't done s**t to help this country. Do us all favour and never run again. Leave this country to being run by engineers, you know, the people who founded this nation, wrote the constitution, and generally did a good job. Now they may not make much sense, but they do a hell of a job at making things work. Plus, they're doing a heck of a job for China, Japan, and India. This is my two weeks notice.


Go to hell you inefficient basterts and bitches,
Jeff Van Booven.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#12 Equality!
Jeff A. Van Booven

Equality: the quality or state of being equal

Now I ask you, what part of affirmative action is equal? Isn't that what these African American leaders are trying to achieve? Somehow I think we're missing the point here. Equality is Equality, so why are we still hanging on to such archaic and demeaning systems?

Why do we allow the race card to be played anymore? Honestly, why is race even on an application? If we're trying to be equal, why does sex or race matter? Hell, the only reason you need sex on an application is for something like a college housing. But, for the main acceptance application, sex and race should be completely irrelevant. Since when did we go from accepting the best to accepting somebody based upon their status as a minority?

Frankly, the current system is racist... Against whites! So, to all you middle class white guys, it's about time we joined our brothers and lock arms! It's time to end racism once and for all.

It's been over one hundred years since the slaves were freed. It's been over thirty since the civil rights movements. Great news, if you're oppressed by your economic situation, it's your own ******** fault, not some white guy in the suburbs. It's your fault for dropping out of school. It's your fault for focusing more on basketball than algebra.

If you want to be equal, get off your ******** a** and earn it rather than demanding it be legislated. This current situation of yelling racism anytime you don't get hired for a job, or get arrested for committing a crime is a mockery of all the things the great civil rights leaders, those who fought to end slavery, and every person who has ever tried to end racism have done. Most of the things claimed as racist these days is spitting in the face of Martin Luther King. The NAACP is a ******** joke. How about they institute a program to reduce crime and help urban education? Why is it more important to them to try and keep police from doing their job?

If you ask me, the only person oppressing blacks is groups like the NAACP who benefit from keeping blacks in their current situation. Think about it, where do businesses benefit from oppressing blacks? They don't, the more people with money, the more people who can buy their stuff. The government doesn't benefit, because the less poor people, the more taxes, and the less given out in welfare. So who would benefit from keeping blacks oppressed? The groups who use the oppression of African Americans to promote their agendas. Certainly you would think that the NAACP would be coming out strongly against blacks dropping out of school, blacks joining gangs, and the entire ghetto mentality for the most part... However, they're more focused on claiming that whites are holding blacks back and that the government should legislate more jobs to blacks.

Why should so many jobs be given to blacks based upon the population of the area? It's somewhat of a joke. How can they fill such a quota in construction if there aren't enough blacks qualified in the first place. Then, the nerve to say that private businesses should have to educate the blacks for the jobs so that they can fill a racist quota.

It's about time we as American's cried �bullshit.� It's time to realize that there isn't a problem with race, just a group of people who refuse to do for themselves.

Point! What�s Your Point?
#13 Dear President Bush
Jeff A. Van Booven

Dear President Bush,

I am writing this letter to you because I feel that too many people are being too negative of you. After all, being president seems to be a really thankless job and I know you must be working really hard. People just don't seem to get you, with your lack of grammar, inability to speak properly, choking on simple food products, falling off bicycles, and generally embarrassing our nation in front of the entire world. Frankly I think it is wrong of all these protesters to be so negative of you, after all, you're the president and they certainly don't speak for the American Populace. After all, more people voted for Gore.

Frankly, I couldn't stand the thought of having this country run by any man who didn't talk directly to God on occasion. It must come in really handy to have an all knowing, all powerful, infallible being giving you advice. It's too bad Congress didn't approve him to be your Secretary of State, but I guess Condi is doing a good enough job; God could talk to her as well if need be. You just keep up the good work of making this country unsafe for those Atheist, Pro-Choicers, and Arab bastards to live in. And we must be ever vigilant to make sure that no witch lives within our borders as well; which is why I still have a bone to pick about your lack of anti-witch policies. Certainly you have noticed that this upsurge in civil rights the people are enjoying is leading to way too many pagans and wiccans existing within our borders... We need to stop their advances at all cost before they manage to use their evil liberal influences to purge our Great Lord from this great nation under God. I am appalled that you have yet to repeal the first amendment and declare Christianity the only religion allowed; certainly you must have this planned for the last few years of your great presidency. I am glad to finally have a president who believes in the Divine Right of Presidents.

Oh, and taking all that money away from helping our youth for college, wonderful idea for helping out those Middle-Class Americans attend college. It should certainly protect us from running out of qualified scientists and engineers. And it will definitely keep more kids out of those dastardly liberal arts schools. I say good job on keeping our children safe from the evil communist, socialist, and liberal influences that our collegiate system has become filled with. I applaud your efforts to keep liberalism from our shores. And lets face it, if we were to allow these students to fully develop into qualified scientists and engineers then we would be faced with the problem of being a nation that could compete economically and intellectually with such nations as Japan and China. This would most certainly ruin any chance of us to outsource more jobs overseas. It could even start conflict by making these other nations feel threatened by our increase in intellectual capacity.

That being said, I can not express the joy I get from No Child Left Behind. It is simply the best thing in education since Dewey. It has helped to divert millions of dollars away from funding that could have otherwise been used to support programs for the intellectually gifted students. Missouri spends millions of dollars on MAP tests to prove that they're up to the �standards.� It is almost a guarantee that they would have otherwise spent this money on much needed improvements in schools and could have helped prevent hundreds of tax hikes throughout the state. It would have also led to more and more programs being able to exist for those gifted students who would have eventually become leaders, scientists, and brought great benefits to our society if only they'd been given the chance to excel. Instead they're becoming dropouts, drug addicts, and killing themselves because of the lack of proper education. And those that do put up with it are becoming quickly disenfranchised and are making plans to leave, or otherwise separate themselves from our great nation of God. All is good though, because if we let these with the capacity to excel, then it would be much harder for us to keep the other kids up to their level. Certainly it makes sense that it would be easier to keep the smart stupid than make the stupid smart. I don't see how anybody could rightly miss the logic in that. If we keep the level low then we'll never have to worry about missing it.

Thank You George W. Bush,
Your Devout and Loyal Subject.

P.S. Go for the record, get involved in another war. You only need another to beat Truman.

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