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 Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:28 pm
I dunno where this came from but here it is...
My Confession
I've got a confession to make
Everythign is at stake
I've ran out of lies to make
You see, my soul is yours to take
You stole my heart so long ago
So why not take the whole show
Why are you letting go
When my heart break is all I know
I have become accustomed to
All the ache caused by you
And yet it still remains true
You want me to let go of you
So this is my confession :
I still believe you are the one
by the void left when you're gone
This is my confession...
My confession to you...
the rhyming thing isnt me and i really dont like this one but i've found that my happier poems get better feedback than my sadder ones so this is a love one... kinda
- <3 rose <3 -
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 7:34 am
I like it- it's a very sweet poem and I like the single last line alot. I think the piece could be improved with more punctuation in order to emphasize some of the more emotional parts of the poem, but other than that it's very good!
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:04 pm
Awww. I like it.
One thing...last line of second stanza....is the "my" really needed? It just kind of seemed out of place to me.
Great job though!
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 6:15 pm
I heart love poems.
Second line in the first stanza, you misspelled 'everything' but that's no big deal.
And in the third line, "I've ran out of lies to make," would it be better to say 'I've run out of lies to make' or is that just me?
Otherwise, it's a very nice poem. I heart this poem ^_^
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Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:14 pm
I really like your poem...but I have one problem with it sweatdrop
I like rhyme in a poem, but it irritates me when there's rhyme between the same words in a stanza...like 'make' and 'make', 'ago' and 'go', and 'you' and 'you' are all in the same stanza. Try new words, it brings new rythm and makes a peice more interesting.
But don't get me wrong- it's really good. biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:21 pm
Good job. I'm not big on the poems where all the lines in one stanza ryhme, but that's just me. You might try a bit of variation in the ryhmes at the end of each line. The last stanza's ryhming was odd it was like "confessi - on" instead of "confessi - uhn." It threw me off a bit. You might try to make the words ryhme with confession instead of confession being changes to ryhme with the words since "confession" is such a big deal in the last stanza.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:02 am
Merenwen99 Good job. I'm not big on the poems where all the lines in one stanza ryhme, but that's just me. You might try a bit of variation in the ryhmes at the end of each line. The last stanza's ryhming was odd it was like "confessi - on" instead of "confessi - uhn." It threw me off a bit. You might try to make the words ryhme with confession instead of confession being changes to ryhme with the words since "confession" is such a big deal in the last stanza. Same thoughts here. The "one" actually works okay, cuz people tend to say it "wuhn", but I would suggest changing the "gone", if you can think of an "uhn" word to replace it with. Overall though, it was a good poem.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:43 pm
Quote: I have become accustomed to All the ache caused by you
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:46 pm
Come on, all that even relates this to poetry is the rhyme, it doesn't even have a standard rhythm or punctuation. (Yes, I know even some famous poets don't use punctuation but I think that's retarded.) My comments on poetry here also apply to this one, so read that post too, please.
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