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 Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:46 am
I want to make this poem sound good, but it just doesn't to me right now. If anyone could help with some suggestions I would greatly appriciate it.
Chris looks at me
His eyes are filled with hate
His lips speak poison
And I know it's too late
He's told them all
His side of the tale
Now he becomes the victim
And I'm the one who failed
At our friendship
And everything I do
They'll all believe him
Because what he says must be true
My eyes cry blood
My wrists bleed tears
As my friend's gazes fall on me
All their eyes are full of fear
They're all scared of me
And how I'll take their betrayel
My heart breaks
And home hits the nail
I stare at him in disbelief
But all he does is laugh at me
He's broken me and he knows it's true
I have no choice but to turn and flee
Back to my blade, my safety routine
This is what it takes
To gain back all control
And flash all the smiles I fake
Chris looks at me
I wonder if he can see
Or if he cares
What he's doing to me
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:20 am
ok this is a tricky poem
i don't mean to be too critical but you have to be more detailed for things to make sense
exmp: I stare at him in disbelief
But all he does is laugh at me
He's broken me and he knows it's true
I have no choice but to turn and flee
you could have said hes broken my heart
and what he's doing to me needs more detail i cant help on for now
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:23 am
Thank you, I'll keep that in mind when I redo it.
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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:19 pm
I dont think there are any mistakes I love it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 6:15 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:34 pm
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