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Gypsy Simbala Rae

PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:26 pm


Here is an Edwin oneshot:

Ages: Winry is five, Ed is four, and Al is three

“Hi Ed wanna go play?”

Ed shook his head. He was perfectly fine sitting there watching his little brother, who’d been sick lately, sleep. He couldn’t leave until his brother woke up or something bad might happen.

“Are you sure? Winry asked.

Ed nodded and Winry sighed and left

AN HOUR LATER

“Hi Ed wanna play?”

He wanted to stay with his brother until said brother was awake and well. Winry huffed and left.

NEXT DAY

The Rockbells and Elrics were having dinner together at the Rockbell’s place. Winry and Ed were already done and Al, still not well, was in his Father’s lap, asleep.

“Ed,” Winry said, “I have something I need to show you.”

“Really? What?” Ed asked, curiously.

“You have to come with me to see it.” Winry told him.

“Why can’t you bring it in here?” Ed asked.

“Because it’s a secret.” Winry snapped, “Now come on.”

Ed nodded and the two of them left.

An hour later Mr. Rockbell realized the two kids had been too quiet and commented on it to the other adults.

“I’m sure their fine.” Hohenheim said, but then they heard and abrupt scream from down in the basement.

All of the adults raised down there, Mr. Rockbell getting there first.

“What happened?” he asked shocked. Th room was covered in make-up, hair brushes and clothes, mainly dresses. Ed and Winry were in the middle of the floor. Ed;s hands and feet were bound and his mouth was taped. Winry was sitting beside him, brushing his hair.

“Hi daddy,” she said happily, “me and Ed are playing dress up.”
PostPosted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 3:42 pm


This wasn't Edwin. This was disturbing (But still enjoyable somehow)

I am a critic. So I have a few things to say:

1) The detailing was bad.
2) Provided for the time Winry snapped at Ed: the characters seemed off to me. But maybe it was because they were so much younger.

The things I loved:

1) It was actually very cute. Though I've seen it done before. I think you told it well.
2) I wish it was longer. I think it has good potential if you worked on it some.

dangerous xx L I A S O N

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beachvolleygirl10
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:12 pm


um, okay...I don't watch FMA, but I don't think I need to in order to understand that...I think that you need to add more detail like Lechar said. I didn't know whether Winry was a girl or a boy until I read the last part(remember, I don't watch FMA).
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