Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay! I'm in the process of writing a short story and I was hoping I could get some suggestions and constructive critism on what I have so far [which isn't all that much]

Jennifer stood on the side of the road. The remains of the explosion that was once her car smoldered in the background. It's vivid orange and black accents painted a despairing portrait across the greens and blues that stood so calmly against the fading sky. Jennifer looked over her shoulder, staring at the wreckage for a few seconds. She wrapped her arms around her chest and shivered silently in the bitingly cold breeze. Her clothes draped themselves on her womanly figure in tatters. Her shirt had holes burned into several areas and the hooded sweatshirt that she had been wearing was on the ground in a pile of ashes and soot. She looked ahead of her, towards the small town she'd been heading for when her car had started billowing smoke. The town that lied in front of her was only recognisable by the constant light pouring from it. She stared at it for a few minutes before deciding to walk towards it. She quickly ruled out hitch-hiking, she hadn't seen a car since she'd turned off the highway fifty miles back.

"Mom is going to be worried sick." She muttered to herself as she started walking. The darkness of night closed around her, making the surrounding forest seem more dark and terrifying. she fingered the small pendant that hung close to her neck. The soles of her shoes beat against the ground in almost violent sounding thuds. She looked around, suddenly afraid of nothing. Her heartbeat sped up, thudding against her chest as if it wanted out. She quickened her pace, almost like she was trying to keep up with her heart.

Looks lovely to me. What exactly happened to her car? Where was she going? Can't wait to find out. But I agree with Galdrea about the grammar mistakes. I am a grammar stickler, and am thus having a very hard time resistinng the urge to show you all of your mistakes. Surely you can fix them later.

The next bit of the story [dun dun DUN]. I'll start it one sentence in from where I left off:

She quickened her pace, as if trying to keep up with her heart. The breeze kicked up into a full-fledged rainstorm.

Jennifer shreiked in surprise as the first raindrop hit her skin. She stopped and stared up into the sky, yelling at the clouds for cursing her with such bad luck on this one road trip. She spun around, facing the direction of her car. Lighting flashed, and in the split second of illumination in the otherwise gloom, Jennifer saw a figure slowly, but, steadily coming her way. She turned back the way she was gooing and walked as quickly as she could. Another lightning flash sparked her memory. There was a miniature flashlight on her keychain. Her hopes were brightened for a few seconds as she searched for her keys while keeping her pace. Quickly, she discovered that her memory had decieved her. The keys and flashlight were now a pile of melted plastic back in her car. She cursed under her breath and continued her walking, having almost forgotten the figure behind her.