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 Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:37 pm
Why didn't this come sooner?
Yes, Jokes! Post 'em here.
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Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 10:37 pm
This one is semi-pro-christian, but it's funny anyway.
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
Finally God said, "Cool it, I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job. So, down sat Satan and Jesus at their keyboards and they began to type away.
They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes.They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait! He cheated, How did he do it?"
God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."
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superwhatever Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:34 am
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Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 3:35 pm
A girl was sat in R.E class, snoring rather louldly. The teacher turns to her ans asks "Emily! Who is our lord and saviour?".
The boy behind her noticed her sleeping and prods her with a needle to wake her. She jumps up and shrieks, yelling "Jesus christ!"
"Very well, sit down." the teacher says.
A while later, Emily is sleeping again. The teacher frowns and asks her "Who created the world?" The boy poked her again, and she jumps up shouting "Oh my god!"
The teacher says nothing and continues the lesson.
Later, She's sleeping again, the teacher asks her "Okay, ms. smart. What did eve say to Adam aftet their 999th child?"
The boy once again poker her, and Emily jumps up and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll ******** snap it in half!!!"
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superwhatever Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:02 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:39 pm
Heres one:
I was walking away from a movie theater when I saw a door with a sign on it that said exit only. I walked through, to my surprise, and walked over to the desk.
I said to the clerk I have some good news! YOu guys have seriously underestimated that door
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:40 pm
I got one:
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was homefree so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before the boy sh*ts on you!"
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:41 pm
Heres Another one:
One day Mickey Mouse woke up and Minnie wasn't there. He went to look for her and, as he stepped outside, he saw “Mickey sucks” written in a yellow liquid in the snow. He investigated and realizedthere was good news and bad news: it was Goofy's urine, but Minnie's handwriting.
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:43 pm
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died."
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?" "Si, that's the one." "Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.
What did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?" "Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!" "Your wife's... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE...
"Ernesto! If you broke that driver YOU'RE FIRED!"
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:44 pm
I got this one from my teacher:
One day a duck walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Hello, how's it going?" The duck says, "My name is Dewy and I've been jumping in puddles all day long." That duck left and another entered, "How's it going?" asked the bartender. "Great!" said the duck, "My names Louie and I've been jumping in puddles all day long." The second duck leaves and a third duck enters. "Let me guess, your name is Heuey and you're in a good mood." said the bartender. The duck replies, "Actually I'm not in a good mood and my name is Puddles."
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:46 pm
This one is old. I got it in an e-mail in 2002.
"A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, a and half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, beaing with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. how long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:47 pm
heres one,
A woman comes in a resturaunt with a duck, and the owner sees her and says, "no things in this resturaunt" the woman says, "hes not a thing hes a duck!" then the owner says, "I was talking to the duck"
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Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 6:48 pm
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:11 am
cmumfordsnyder http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO3WRkVMF2M&mode=related&search= lol nice but please if you post another video do it in the funny videos thread but keep it PG-13
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superwhatever Vice Captain
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