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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:34 am
This is a similar ranting thread from the other guild Im with, but no one really commented on it. I have a boyfriend, but I kinda have a love hate relationship with him. There is a two year age gap, he goes to a different school, his mom wont let him leave the house, and the only way he can talk to me is with the cell phone -I- pay for. Well, everything was fine and dandy, I ditched work to see him at his lunch break cause that is the only time I could ever see him. But now he is being accused of doing drugs, and he no longer has open campus at his high school.
So now I cant see him at all. I cant see him at his house. I cant go over when his mom isnt home. (Tried that once, and the neighbors ratted me out cause they saw my truck in the front yard). I cant see him at school. So now all I can do is spend like 40 bucks a month so he can text me every now and then. I have to pay for my own cell phone as well. Not to mention gas, insurance, food, clothes, registration for my truck, and I have to save a little something so I can take something resembling college classes.
With all of these things, I still would not have left him. This isnt his fault. He didnt do anything wrong. Im still doing everything I can for him cause I love him afterall. But the only thing that bothers me is that he doesnt even try to change things with his mom. I at least tried with my mom. But his mom knows he is gay, and he even said she wont have a problem with him having a boyfriend. So why he hides me is beyond me other then the fact he might be lying about his mom knowing, in which case Im hurt either way.
Im not mad at him or anything, I never was. And I feel even more hurt cause he is seemingly being the first boyfriend I have ever had that has no interest in me outside of a relationship. It seems we cant just be friends. neutral
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 2:30 pm
Can't he pay at least a little of the costs related to the cell phone? I would say that half is reasonable. And tell him everything you just told us. Ask him why does not tell his mom about you, ask him what he wants out of this relationship, and so forth.
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 5:10 pm
I agree with Dark Seeker. Talking solves a lot more than we may think.
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 7:43 pm
I would normally give the same advice to someoen in an identical situation, but I tried a long time ago. In fact when I was on the phone with him on the day he was all emo from not being able to see me at school anymore, and I essentially told him that he needed to change the situation with his mom if I can see him anymore. So I asked him if she knows that you are gay already, why would she be so weirded out by you having a boyfriend.
His response, I quote, "Well, she probably wouldnt care. But whatever." And he immediately changed the subject while Im here in my truck parked on the side of the road on the phone and Im about to cry pathetically. He flat out refused to change things with his mom.
I will admit though that Im guilty about not ending it, cause most of you will all say I should dump his a** after a response like that. My boss at work thinks I should have. But Im imprisoned also at my house and I also cannot see anyone, and my mom is evil. But I make something work. I work extra hard at work so I ditch without anyone knowing or getting in trouble. I will plan some elaborate scheme somehow. I had a boyfriend that lived an hour and a half drive from here just one way, and I was able to pull an elaborate plan off to where mom didnt even know I left the town, and she doesnt even let me go shopping alone, so I cant use that as an excuse. I would try and make -something- work, whereas he is happy just seeing me during his lunch break.
I would want to leave him, but if I do that, then I have absolutely no one else. I would be all alone, and I would rarely see normal friends cause of my mom, and all I would do is go to school, work, and then my college that happens every Monday night. This vicious cycle will last until July when I turn 18...xD
And I would also feel like s**t, cause he is at least happy with the way it is, and he is living with it, and up till now, he doesnt know he has done anything wrong. If I point out that I hate what he has done, then nothing will change, and he will just get defensive and we will end up having a fight and he will probably leave me. Once again, I will be lonely and depressed. xDDD
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 8:51 pm
Well, I see that you don't want to leave him, but you should really tell him how all this makes you feel. Tell him that if he's not going to at leave give it a try with his mom, maybe it would be best if you guys broke up. It's hard, but in the end would likely save you a lot of pain. And maybe if he becomes scared to lose you, he'll shape up. He sounds like he loves you, in his own way, so he should at least try to improve things.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:13 pm
It seems to me that you are already lonely and depressed. You can rarely see him and he doesnt make much effort to be with you, and on top of that you are constantly worrying about what he is thinking and why he isnt trying. While it may seem to be worse to dump him, it sounds like you would be better off having that load off ur shoulders. I cant know for sure, but if someone does not put forth alot of effort in trying to have a relationship with you, and you end it with them, thye are likely to not be that upset. I know thats not what you may want to hear, but in honestly it seems liek it would be true. I also think you are worth more than you may realize, and dont worry, being alone is not that bad. It is better to find that right someone who puts an equal amount of effort in having a relationship as you do than having a guy who doesnt. Without even getting a full history from you I will say with certainty, that you deserve someone who is as loyal as you and, and whoo you can feel comfortable enough with to not have doubts about him.
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:00 pm
I was thinking about just letting him know my concerns -again- without like saying shape up or I will leave you or anything like that. That way he knows how I feel regardless. But I might stay with him, but only so I have someone I can see every few days. I can rarely see my normal friends other then in secret anyway. I would be happy if I could frequently see something resembling friends, but since my mom hates all non-mormons, I dont get to see them anymore then Andrew. And so thusly, I would be very alone, not just single.
But I think instead of hoping, I will just view him as a friend that gives me kisses. X3 He knows how things are, and I think he feels the same way even though he wont say specifically. If someone decides to fall on my doorstep that is perfect, then I will talk it over with him and then most likely end up having a mutual breakup, cause I dont cheat. Im very loyal regardless of who Im with. ^^
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Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:08 pm
As long as you dont ger ur heart broken its all good. But darnit hwo on earth r you going to find gay mormons falling from the sky lol
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:32 pm
My third boyfriend was also a renegade Mormon. He could easily pulled off the act with my mom since he also is forced to go to church, but he lived a little ways away, so I rarely saw him. One of my best friends is a Mormon lesbo too. Sadly it seems I know more homo Mormons then not, but as far as this little Arizona town I live in, Im the only one. xD
But that is how it is, with both Andrew and my normal friends, I have to see them in secret. But Ive become adept at doing this, and I can still see people fairly frequently if they have a flexible schedule. x.x
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Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 8:02 pm
spiffiness lol. btu yea that sounds very stressful, when you move away and go out with a boy on ur own, do you think ur fam will disown you?
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:31 am
Yes. They already found out like a year ago, then they put me through hell and made me live in Texas for about a month. Now I just hide it again, and they are in denial and assme it aaaall went away. For how naive they are. xD
I turn 18 this summer, and I already have living arrangements made as well as a job guaranteed for me to transfer to unless said employer closs down so he can go to school, which is possible, but I wont have a problem getting a job. >D
But that is the sacrifice I made. I came out to everyone I know and publically. I sacrificed some friends so I didnt have to hide who I was. I sacrificed my family for the love of my life...which I havent seemed to find yet....x.x
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 12:04 am
if ur friends and family disown you, then they werent ur friends or family to begin with. I dont believe in people being ur family just cause you share the same genes with them. I really thin family is something more than that. LIke I would prob considre myself ur family, just cause i know I would alwats be there for you and will accept u for who you are. If I was close to anyone in this guild I would be as much aoart of your lives as you r in mine, which i kinda think would be alot lo, or at least i like to think so.
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 12:57 pm
I agree, thats probably why Im so clingy with these guilds. As for my family, I still care about them since I grew up with em and all, and I think they mean well. Relative to my mom's point of view, her only child is going to hell because of gay peoples. So she just gets angry when I dont somehow....make myself....straight? o.O;;
*goes to look at porn to be on better terms with my family*
Ewww....boobies....I cant do it! >.<
But I do tend to think of people like you and Dan as something resembling brothers to me. Ive never had any brothers or sisters, and I have never met my father. So...
*clings to random person here* whee
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 4:55 pm
Shizuki Kisuke I agree, thats probably why Im so clingy with these guilds. As for my family, I still care about them since I grew up with em and all, and I think they mean well. Relative to my mom's point of view, her only child is going to hell because of gay peoples. So she just gets angry when I dont somehow....make myself....straight? o.O;;
*goes to look at porn to be on better terms with my family*
Ewww....boobies....I cant do it! >.<
But I do tend to think of people like you and Dan as something resembling brothers to me. Ive never had any brothers or sisters, and I have never met my father. So...
*clings to random person here* whee ok so ther porn thing was freakin great, butt if dan and I r lik bros o you I certainly hope you dont fall in luv with us, cause then it would be incest lol. unless of course ur into that lol
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Shizuki Kisuke Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 7:08 pm
You better be pretty breathtaking to win my heart in a long distance relationship. But right now, you are like something -resembling- brothers. >D
My best friend is a brother to me that lives here, cause I have never thought of him that way and Ive been friends with him for a very long time as it is.
As for people here, I dont have feelings for anyone yet, so you closely resemble a brother, ne? xD
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