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a short vampire story with no title

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Crimson_Storm001

PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:46 am


Debris was strewn everywhere, the piles of burning wreckage had until that evening been the Covenate head quarters of the Elemental vampire and Vinsissco vampire covenate of Frosted Mirror. Ruben watched the mortal non-magical people who put out fires, below scurry around trying to put out the blaze.

The smell of burn flesh hung in the air it sickened him, they the Covenate of Blade Star and the Covenate of Midnight Moonlight hadn't wanted them dead, they'd just wanted the Vinsissco vampires of Frosted Mirror to stop killing innocent people who had done nothing wrong. But Frosted Mirror's leader, William, hadn't wanted to be thrown out of the city, so the other two Covenates had reluctantly had to make the decision to go to war with them, they hoped that no mortals would he hurt or killed during the crossfire.

The two Covenates had expected a war with them but when they'd got to their head quarters all the Elemental vampires had either killed themselves or let their resident Anti-Light Elemental vampire kill them. The Vinsissco vampires had let William kill them, the Covenates' resident anti-light Elemental had gone into a sleep-until-needed trance-like coma state, his knees drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around his ankles, with forehead resting on his knees, with black feathery wings curled around his body like a shield, floating in mid-air suspended between the world of the living and the spirit world surrounded by an impenetrable spherical magical shield. William used the flame power running threw his veins to set the entire building on fire as soon as he had died from blood loss.

'Rubrics.' a familiar voice echoed through his mind across blood donor-receiver bond. The white-haired freezing fog Vinsissco vampire turned, throwing his senses out trying to mental and physically find his friend. Ruben otherwise know as Rubrics, stood up and walked away from the edge of the building, his long black hooded cloak blowing around in the breeze.
'Come on, Ru. There's nothing here but bodies. They're already dead there's no one save.' his friend mentally said.
'I know they were dead before they hit the floor.' Ruben replied. As he found his friend, a metal Vinsissco vampire, waiting for him atop the Town Hall near by.

He closed his eyes and invoked two clashing magic circle runes together using the magic flare to teleport to fountain area on the ground below. His friend appeared beside him seconds later. As the two Covenates left the town centre, the mortal non-magical people who put out fires continued to battle the blaze that would die in an hour as Williams' blood was used up. The other mortal non-magical people would carry on with their daily lives oblivious to what had happened.
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 11:32 pm


The imagery is good when you describe the state that the characters are in. But I would suggest to use Acronyms in place of the names during the beginning. Because the names are really long and drawn out, it dulls the reading somewhat in that you say that same 3 names over and over again.

But don't get me wrong, please know that this is a good story so far. By all means please keep writing it, unless you are done that is haha.

One Poet
Vice Captain

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