Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply Writer's Haven.
Journey For The True Light

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Stalus

18,925 Points
  • Citizen 200
  • Signature Look 250
PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:24 pm


((For those who know my roleplay character, Stalus, well I feel that i want to chronicle his rebirth as a paladin))

The battle field was in flames, the scorched lands were being overrun by armies of the enemy. the land was bare from removing the cover of the enemy. It didn't matter that they had no trees for cover. The enemy knew where they were, but it would be assured they would be seen coming. A man stood in front of his cavalry. "This is it," The man yelled, "whether or not you survive here you are heroes for a brave cause."

The man looked back on the city on the ridge behind them. A beautiful city and he would defend it until the end. His family deserved it. The enemy drew closer. The man fell in behind the spearmen. "Raise arms!" He ordered and what seemed a wave of spears came up moving out from his position centered between his men. "Forward!" The spearmen moved forward toward the enemy. The enemy came within firing range "Archers release!" The man ordered as the a hail of arrows fell on to the enemy. The spearmen made contact and the enemy's front line fell.

The man removed his sword from his shieth, "Ride for the Storm! Ride for the city of --" An arrow took the man through his chestplate. The man flashed through the little life he had led. He vision blurred, seeing his horse take run forward into the enemy. He could see the mismatch of red armored soldier driving away the green. They were going to win this, even without their commander. He closed his eyes as the world went dark.


The man woke, sweat dampened his white underclothes. His eyes shot around the room, trying to recognise where he was. The room was plain white, a small arched doorway led to a balcony. Opposite the room was a gilded white door. The bed he sat on was of soft goose down. He continued looking about the room. In the corner was a small chair with a silk shirt and dark breeches lying on top. He rushed from his bed and changed into those clothes. There was no apparent footwear in the room besides the slippers he was wearing.

The man slipped out through the door. The door didn't sqeak as it opened and shut. The halls were also white with identical doors lining the hallways. The man didn't bother with those doors and continued through the halls quickly and quietly. He was made his way to an intersection in the halls when a the sounds of conversation filled the halls. A dull mutter at first, but it soon grew. The man moved to one of the doorways and stayed. Two men dressed in white passed by.

"I'm telling you, the war will try to corrupt us all. God knows how to handle this. Why else would he bring in warfolk." The men passed into the other hallway moving with their backs towards the man. Small shapes came out of their white clothing. Wings!

Where in god's name am I, He thought to himself. He continued down the halls and found himself at a pair of large arched doors seeming to painted gold. No one was stupid enough to have doors made out of gold. He opened them, making a loud creaking noise as they did. There was a large desk with a large man sitting in a chair looking through what seemed to be a list. The man wore a white robe with a small white beard and no hair on the tiop of his head. Strange how the man looked only a little older than himself. How old am I? He thought again, He couldn't remember much of anything. What was his name?

The man in the desk looked up as if noticing the door opened for the first time. "Please, have a seat," The man explained. The man pulled over a chair from the side of the room and sat. The desk really did seem to loom over him. "It's about time one of my new recruits awakened. Tell me, do you know where you are?" The man shook his head. "I thought not, well you can consider this place a training ground. you've been chosen from a fate worse than death to fight in my army." The man at the desk looked at the man questioningly.

"Your army? Why should I fight in an army that i don't even know what it's fighting for?" The man had sense, though he wasn't sure from where.

"Calm down now. Stalus, you and your men that had fallen in battle are here now. We're here to fight for peace, and the all holy light." The man explained allknowingly.

"what do you mean, Stalus?" The man questioned.

The man boomed of laughter. "Well it seems you don't remember much at all. Well, Stalus just happens to be your name."

So the man had a name after all. Stalus, The name did seem to bare a dull resemblance in his mind.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 4:11 pm


You've got some good ideas here, but your sentences are choppy. I think switching around some of the sentence structures from passive to active would help a lot.

MersSong

Reply
Writer's Haven.

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//