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 Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:45 am
One of my fanfics that I wrote. My sister helped me because I'm not skilled in Naruto. I only know Hinata, Hanabi, Kiba, naruto, and Sasuke. My sister roleplays Hinata a lot and I usally roleplay Hanabi. I know kiba because my brother is obessed with Kiba. So yes, Here it is.
Cats and dogs
By
Me
Chapter one
Hanabi looked down at the pink dress; its slender forum fit her perfectly. “This will be just right” She said. She put the dress back in her closet. She was so fortunate. She had a huge house, many servants, a big room, great looks, and she was a strong ninja. There was something missing though…. Hanabi grabbed her book bag. “I’m going to school now!” She shouted down the hallway. She saw her sister’s head peek out. “Bye Hanabi, have a good day at school” Hanabi just signed and went out the door. Her sister said that every morning. She walked out of the main house and saw some hyuuga kids playing around. They glanced at her then started whispering. “There just Jealous…” She said to herself. She reached the gate and two blonde kids were waiting.
They greeted her with a smile. “Hey Hanabi” The one with a pony tail asked. These were her best friends and her most faithful admirers. They were twins and had pretty weak jutsu, so they looked up to her. “Hey Kerushi and keitorin” They twins waved and they started walking to school. “You guys agree I have it all right?” She asked them. “Well what don’t you have?” Keitorin asked. “Your right! But I think I’m missing something…I just don’t know what”
The school came into view. A kid being chased by a puppy ran pass them. “Well you know hanabi, You don’t have a dog” Hanabi wrinkled her nose. “A dog? I’m not a filthy inuzuka, what were you thinking Kerushi! That is out of the question” The girls entered the school and started walking down the hallway. “Well it was a suggestion, then what about a cat?” Before Kerushi could finish the teacher told them to take there seats.
Hanabi tapped her pencil on her desk. A cat might be nice…
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The school bell rung and the kids filed out. She met up with the twins again. “I’ve decided to get a cat!” The twins clapped. “Yay, your getting a kitty cat!” Kerushi cheered. “Yeah, I just have to ask my dad. I don’t think he’ll mind. Now I better get home. I’ll see you guys tomorrow” Hanabi waved to them and she ran down the street to the hyuuga complex. She finally found what’s she was missing, A cat! She bounded down the hallway and ran into none other then her father.
She bowed. “Father, I wanted to ask you something” He looked at her curiously. “Yes?” hanabi smiled. “I would like to have a cat” Her nodded his head. “No” Hanabi’s jaw dropped. “What? Why?” Her father walked passed her. Hananbi curled her hands into fist. “I have to have everything, and you can’t stop me” She whispered then bounded down the hallway to her room. She dug in her sock drawer and found her savings. She stuffed it in a bag. She smiled. “Here I come, kitty”
When Hanabi had her mind set on something, she never stopped till she got it. She walked to the nearest pet store and went inside. She saw on of her sister’s team mates, Inuzuka, Kiba. She turned her head. Inuzuka’s disgust her. She was not a dog person. She thought puppies were cute, but that’s as far as she’d go. She looked at a place with many kittens. She saw them claw at there containment and meow at her. They were adorable!
“Hanabi?” She turned around. It was the Inuzuka kid. “Yes?” Kiba glanced at what she was looking at. “uh… what are you doing here?” She turned back to the kittens. “If you must know, I’m getting a cat” The dog boy seemed to look uneasy at the kittens meowing at him. “Why not a dog?” Hanabi picked up one of the kittens that was all white with black spots. “Never, dogs can grow big and be messy” She heard a little bark. She glanced at kiba, the little puppy he carried around was in his jacket. “Well I think there a lot better then a cat. Are you even allowed to have any pets?”
Hanabi put that cat down. “Uh… Of course” She saw a little tabby walking across the e cats with her tail in the air. Her nose was up and she looked like she was the leader. “I want this one!” She picked up the tabby as it meowed at her. She stroked her head. “Okay, well see yeah later” He walked back to his sister who seemed to be donating some spare inuzuka dogs.
She brought the cat to the counter and dropped the money on the table. The guy at the couter opened the bag. “That’s a lot of money” Hanabi stroked the cat. “I know just take it” The guy nodded and Hanabi soon bought herself a cute cat. All of a sudden she heard little barking. She turned around to see a little brown dog running up. Her little kitty hissed and jumped out of her arms. “Princess Fluffy!” She called. She saw a boy run after the dog he had red triangles on his cheeks. “You control your dog!” She pointed at where the dog and cat were. “Kiromaru!” The boy called, he ran up and picked up the puppy.
Hanabi dashed up and picked up the hissing cat. “You keep your dog away from my cat!” The boy glared at her. “You cat got in my dog’s way!” Hanabi stuck her tongue out at the boy. “You little loser! Your just as stupid as your cat” hanabi gasped. “What? You want to say that again, brat” She made her hand sign and turned on her bloodline. The dog jumped on the kid’s shoulder.
“You want to fight me? Your just a snotty girl!” hanabi clenched her teeth. “Your just a boy with a over grown rat” She shut off her bloodline and walked away.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 11:40 am
Pretty-chan.... your punctuation ran away. It's missing from at least half the dialogue. Whenever someone finishes speaking, you should always include at least a comma.
Hyuuga should be capitalized, as it is a name and therefore a proper noun. The same goes for Inuzuka, which isn't always capitalized.
Since I'm not very familiar with the Naruto fandom myself, I can't speak for characterization, but I do like this story so far; it's very cute. Please keep up the good work, and remember- commas are your friends! Just ask Hinata; she knows.
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000Hinata000 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 7:53 am
That's why you had me translate Kelsea and Kaitlyn's names to japaneses. To Make Kerushi and keitorin. You toally took my Koobii character! Kiba's nephew! Well anyway good fanfic.
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