Welcome to Gaia! ::

Here's my everyday issues that I have, I don't expect advice or sympathy for this; just an open ear/eye/mind works for me.

My mind is a very complex thing, always finding ways to rationalize everything. You see, the world I live in doesn't feel like the one I should be in so everywhere I am in the world, I feel like a foreigner, not just that but thanks to most of my past lives being female, I see myself as a women, but instead I am in the body of a male who cross-dresses on occasion and who is bisexual.

Now with what was stated above, I am literally an enigma and I find it hard to socialize, and even feel welcome anywhere I go. With that said I feel like a child of the night; for me that time of day lacks the normal chaos that is provided when the sun is up.

Aside from nightly walks, I've been working two jobs, unable to feel like the person I should be, rather than being myself I'm a worker drone, but even without work I'm still in the wrong body, in the wrong world, and the sad part is the fact that I can't really change it until I'm dead.

And now I find myself searching for contentment usually found with a moon and my God, while the sun is up and when I'm working or reminded of what I should be.

No, I take no offense to that, in fact I considered the idea many times, and I would but there is only one thing that makes me not want to do that: the fact that I couldn't ever reproduce unless I decided to keep my p***s, which would be really off to me.

I read up a little on the procedure a while back and learned that it takes a year of filling your body with hormones that begin the develop the breast, and shrink the testies, making them almost useless (I think that your voice and other things change as well, but I'm not sure about those details.), then when that year is over the p***s is literally reconstructed into a v****a that cannot bare a child.

I don't know, it's a hard thing to decide, have no kids and be a woman of science or reproduce and continue to be a male.

Thanks I'll keep that in mind, and I hope all goes well for your dad as well.

how do u actually feel about all of this...this has to be about what you want to do. no other people would judge you on that

Yeah, I know it's a weird subject, but I was curious to see how people would respond to it.

It's a hard thing to think about an answer to, I know (It's hard for me to have a solid solution too.) but I'll problaby end up staying as a male just to reproduce at one later time in my life.