Welcome to Gaia! ::

Apologies but I wont say goodbye

I wanted this to sound like me this beginning is kind of confusing. what is "this"?
and only me
but all the cliches
keep struggling to find their way
out onto the paper
like the encroaching darkness,
and blood stained hands. i like the comparison of the cliches and and the darkness/blood stained hands. i have a good image of whats to come.

I've found that I am trouble. so, what you're saying is that you're a trouble maker?
While I love the sun
and a rainy afternoon in the park,
the broken parts of me
are starting
to be the only parts. are they becoming the only parts because you are trouble?

Forget the future.
For my past is tainting now.
Our song rings in my ears
as I dance myself to death, this line and the one above make for a pretty sweet image. i can see the dancing to death image vividly.
shedding all I used to be,
leaving just my core.
I struggle to rebuild
this soul
from the unscattered ashes this ending is kind of unsettling. i like how you build up to it, with this ending, but then i question "is this it?" i want to know what happens next. if there is a next.

Little Crimson Jester

Forgot I'd posted this here already so sorry for the repeat of the poem but they are different versions and i would still like your opinions.