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 Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 9:04 pm
Okay, I am going to post some of my writing. It won't be very good and right now I only have what is currently typed on my computer to use, so that means the quality will probably be even lower, but oh well, enjoy!
This I wrote one day after a nightmare. I'm only going to put the intro to the story, because the rest I have done is pretty terrible and needs to be rewritten. It's not my best work....at all.
You know what has always haunted me? Dreams. Yes, I know, sounds foolish. "They're just images in your head!" They tell me, they may be right, but they also might be deadly wrong. For the past few years, I've seen myself getting dreams that foreshadow something that ends up happening later. Things some people call premonitions. Until now, it has just been unimportant things. Now, my dream catcher haunts me. It hangs on the wall right by my bed. One day I awoke and rolled over to look at it. I remembered no dreams from the night, but a few of the strings had turned black. My dreams were so evil and dark, they were changing me dream catcher. I fear these dreams. What if they are premonitions...what if? Well, last night I had another dream, if you could call it that. I don't remember it in much detail, but three things stick in my brain, a storm, death and a great evil. What could this mean? I've asked myself again and again. But, you know what? It is storming now...
These next four poems are like one poem. It's hard to explain sorta. The entire title is "Of Life and Death"
Death of the World
Everything is dying.
It will not halt.
Inevitable.
They are misplaced,
lost,
bewildered,
but some enjoy it.
It is not all bad,
hues of amber, brown and red
in a dance of rapture
in one last celebration.
Last Footsteps in the Snow
The world is in a dead lull.
Fluffy flakes of frozen water drift to the ground.
A shroud of snow embraces the brittle, brown grass.
Icy crystals tickle an aged dog's nose;
He trudges through life's final tests;
The black and white fluff howls
a canine moan but...
His call is lost in the lamenting wind,
For the world is dead...
But not quiet.
Rebirth
Sun breaks through the chilling clouds.
At last life returns,
to our dreary home.
As the song of healthy pups call out,
they are new to the world
and happy.
They wriggle around.
Young fighters.
Flowers leisurely open their eyes,
born again with the pups.
They release a tantalizing aroma.
Life is back...
to our bleak home.
In It All
For life is short but sweet,
everything must conclude.
Some are glad to leave their frozen tundra.
Others long to live in their paradise.
But it is an everlasting circle,
no matter what you want.
Birth,
Life,
Death,
Rebirth...
until you are complete.
This poem I just wrote a few days ago, so it needs a lot of work. Please offer constructive critism! (As with everything else, I really need the help!) You really can't tell from what's written, but it's about a wolf cub...(I never did full finish that it sounds like.) EDIT- Sorry, I forgot the last line to this, I just added it now.
I wait
and cry
as it tries to push on.
But immortality is no choice
for this flickering light.
I hear dieing cries
from a will to survive,
but I can feel death gripping stronger.
At last I can tell,
time's crushing down.
One last call from a weary soul
and its body goes limp
in my arms.
Born a fighter, he lived it well.
Okay, now I'm good an embarrsed (because so many good authors have posted their work here!), so please leave some commentary, be it good or bad, please just don't be too mean about it. sweatdrop That means you bex!
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 6:42 am
I really like the story intro. I wanna read more! It really draws you in. Please post it, or let me become your beta! I liked the Life and Death story too. Er, I can't really come up with any critiscism, as I'm usually better with stories when it comes to that kind of thing.
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 8:27 am
I agree with Sweety! Youre a great writer Aylia! *sits in aw reading it all again*
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 9:36 am
Thanks guys. redface
Sweety, let me fix up the rest of what I have written and I might post it. Truth is I'm rare to finish a story, so that one only has like a page written, but I can still post it. (I'm going to continue working on it now....that's three stories I'm writing haha, I'm getting myself in over my head again!)
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 10:42 am
I'm really not good with poetry and never really enjoyed it so I'm just going to comment on your story intro that you posted. It was interesting but your diction needs work and it always helps if you write out numbers (Write them out up until ten. Anything above that can be written in numerical form). But seriously, it'd be cool if you continued it.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 10:45 am
Navenna I'm really not good with poetry and never really enjoyed it so I'm just going to comment on your story intro that you posted. It was interesting but your diction needs work and it always helps if you write out numbers (Write them out up until ten. Anything above that can be written in numerical form). But seriously, it'd be cool if you continued it.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:03 am
Aylia Navenna I'm really not good with poetry and never really enjoyed it so I'm just going to comment on your story intro that you posted. It was interesting but your diction needs work and it always helps if you write out numbers (Write them out up until ten. Anything above that can be written in numerical form). But seriously, it'd be cool if you continued it.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 11:10 am
Speaking of spell checker, if you're typing on Word, I have a tip for you. If you find that you want a more descriptive word, highlight the word, right-click on it, and choose "Synonyms". I use it a lot when I need to use the same word too many times on the same page.
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 2:21 pm
Navenna Aylia Navenna I'm really not good with poetry and never really enjoyed it so I'm just going to comment on your story intro that you posted. It was interesting but your diction needs work and it always helps if you write out numbers (Write them out up until ten. Anything above that can be written in numerical form). But seriously, it'd be cool if you continued it.
Sweety, I did not know that, thanks a lot!
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 9:53 pm
I love the seasons-themed poem. Some of the parts, like the dog in the snow, were very emotional and I felt my eyes burning. Though Death of the World seems out of place in the sense that it has nothing about dogs/wolves(not sure, sorry. I assume wolves, though)like the other poems do.
In the poem In It All the lines Some are glad to leave their frozen tundra.
Others long to live in their paradise. seem either like they don't belong there or it should be clarified a little more.
I loved the snippet of the short story and I liked the last poem. I can't find anything to criticize in it though. Sorry. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 9:56 am
FieryKnife I love the seasons-themed poem. Some of the parts, like the dog in the snow, were very emotional and I felt my eyes burning. Though Death of the World seems out of place in the sense that it has nothing about dogs/wolves(not sure, sorry. I assume wolves, though)like the other poems do. In the poem In It All the lines Some are glad to leave their frozen tundra.
Others long to live in their paradise. seem either like they don't belong there or it should be clarified a little more. I loved the snippet of the short story and I liked the last poem. I can't find anything to criticize in it though. Sorry. sweatdrop
I did not notice that either...it does seem a little tacked in there...I'll have to see if there is anything I can do about that. Thanks for all the help, seriously. ^^
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:51 pm
Of course! I'm glad I could help you. heart
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