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Oblivion poems (loslover's work) Sorry that I haven't posted Goto Page: 1 2 3 4 [>] [»|]

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So what do you think of them? (Also please be honest.)
  They're pretty good.
  They're horrible.
  They could use some work.
  Poll whore.
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Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:48 pm


Now I'm not very good at this and I know it so don't be worried about being honest with me if you think they suck. Also any form of advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm only going to start with a few of them.

Waiting for the end

What must I prove?
Not a thing to you.
Why is there life,
Full of hate and strife?
This existence,
Only good for a few laughs,
Then the eternal darkness.


Insanity

What do I see?
Everything isn’t real.
How should I know?
How can I prove what I see?
Slowly this world decays.
Things are not what they seem.
Movement among shadows.
Reality is pulling through.
People who aren’t really there,
Voices that others can’t hear.
How do I know if I’m seeing things,
Or if it is really all of you who are blind?


I never knew

I never knew,
What these feeling were,
That I had for you.
Now I know what they are,
But now you are gone.
So far along.
I now know,
Now that you’re gone.
I just don’t feel whole.
I now know,
I loved you.
I wanted to be with you.
Now all I want,
Is for you to be happy.



True love

Oh good friend of mine,
You are always so kind.
Always so benign.
Always caring for other’s sake,
Always giving without take.
I truly wish that I knew,
What these feeling that I have for you,
What they truly are.
We were only friends,
But now these feelings begin.
I wish I knew what they were.
When you are around I feel whole.
Unbeknownst I have fallen in love with you.
I shall never know if you have fallen for me too.
Forever I shall stay silent,
Forever I shall remain here always wondering.


This is probably the worse, but I like the idea and I just can't get the words to work right.

Painful world

In a world of pain,
How can you be so kind?
In a world of darkness,
How do you shine so bright?
Leading a way through,
Being me guide.
In a world of ache,
How can you care for someone else’s sake?
In a world of loneliness,
How can you care?


A Poem

What is a poem?
Is it the writing or the rhyme?
Or is it something more?
A living soul,
Raw emotion,
True feeling?
To me that is what a poem is.
No words,
No rhymes,
No syllables,
But the power and emotions of the writer.
That is A Poem.


Despair or freedom

Always wondering what could have been.
Always thinking what I should have done.
Always wishing life would make a change.
Finally I ripped off my chains.
I started to climb out of this hole.
Then when I almost fell you grabbed a hold of me,
And pulled me out of this endless despair.
Setting me free.


Love: freedom or a ball and chain

Always fearing loving someone.
Always scared of what they might say.
Finally I gathered my courage one day,
I asked you out fearing what you would say.
You said yes and pulled me out of despair.
You gave me true freedom and for that I will always love you.


Thief’s touch

You scaled my walls,
Broke down my doors,
You hid from the cameras,
You bent the bars,
You made it through,
And stole my heart.
I hid it from other’s eyes,
But now you possess it.
Now please just protect it.


Pain

The tearing of my skin,
The ripping of my flesh,
The chipping of my bone,
Laying me to rest,
The bleeding of my heart,
The crying of my soul,
Shredding what is left,
Leaving me un-whole,
Forever needing you,
To rid me of this pain.


Why?

Constant struggle,
and constant pain.
Yet we live on,
and to what avail?
Slowly we charge our brethren,
knives at each other's throats.
We tear down our societies
and we kill our own flesh and blood,
and soon nothing remains.
Nothing but our corpses and pools of our blood.
Why?


War

The smell of blood in the air,
The sounds of swords clashing,
Two sides charging each other,
Neither side truly prevailing,
Each side losing lives,
Both sides despairing,
Each calling the other monsters,
Yet never even comparing
Themselves to the other.


Heart

My heart remains within your hands.
Forever you shall hold it.
I turn away in shame,
Not wishing for you to know.
I love you with all my heart,
But always stay as silent as the grave.
Wishing to tell you,
But losing my voice from fear.
Fear of what you might say,
Fear of what you might do,
Fear of what you could do to me,
But mostly fear of forever losing you.


My History

One day my path shall end,
Leaving no mark in the course of history,
Just another one of the millions passing through,
None of them ever going to be remembered,
Just going until the end comes,
And their paths fall back into the darkness never remembered.


Life

Life is chance,
A toss of the coin,
And your world can be turned upside down,
All who you care for,
Can turn their backs on you,
All who you love,
Can be forever gone,
All that gave you the will to live,
Can fade into eternal darkness.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:57 pm


Ok, to be honest, they aren't bad, they just require some punctuation and they would be fine. The only way I could tell how the lines should be spoken was when I did some thinking about the lines and how they sounded. Though poetry is not like a normal written sentence, they still have punctuation. Without punctuation, the poem won't have any flow to it and it becomes too choppy. With that alteration alone, I think they would be just fine.

Kharne Bloodhowler
Vice Captain

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Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:03 pm


Ok, thanks. I'll be sure to change them around.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:04 pm


No problem. That is just opinion on the matter. Hell, look at my works for a second. They aren't great or anything...at least I don't think so.

Kharne Bloodhowler
Vice Captain

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Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:12 pm


Wow, I went and checked some of your works and they're really good.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:22 pm


Thank you. I am one of the more modest guild members. And other than Chaos, I also post the most, apparently. I am fairly active, so if you need something, I can probably give you an answer within the day. If you need something, Isis is on during the night times pretty much and I'm on during the mid/late afternoons and night times. I live in NC though, so there may be some time differences.

Kharne Bloodhowler
Vice Captain

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Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:27 pm


Ok, thanks. If I ever have any questions I'll ask and I plan on becoming very active. I'm on pretty much every day for at least an hour or two.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:56 pm


I like them. Sorry, but I'm not the best at giving constructive criticism, mainly because I think just about everyone's poems (at least here) are really good, with their own styles. But when I do see something, or think changing something would help, I'll let you know. And, Kharne's right, punctuation makes a difference, especially on how it's read, and may change the meaning to a small extent. But, as far as I've seen, you're definitely not bad, and have great potential. Keep posting poems, I'd love to read more.

And, I'm on every day, even though I may not post unless someone else comments or posts a new poem. If you ever need anything, Kharne and I are the most likely to be on, or to be able to help you.

I'm glad you plan on being active, we need to liven this guild up a bit!!!

Isis375
Captain


Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:02 pm


Thank you. I'm really glad to hear that coming from you because your work is a lot better than mine. If you post anything new I'll try to comment on it. Also I wrote another poem (I'm going to keep adding them to the top).
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:04 pm


I agree with Isis on this. Our most prominent members are nowhere to be found really. Dante and Chaos are pretty much gone all the time which means Isis is the only Crew member(Captain actually), and myself. I'm a lowly peon that posts too much, lmao. Chaos was our Guild member killer. You broke rules, you met up with Chaos. Dante was a crew member.
We hope that the new members would be quite active, but we can't ask for much.

Kharne Bloodhowler
Vice Captain

300 Points
  • Member 100
  • Gaian 50

Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:07 pm


Well I'm on almost everyday and I'll do my best to stay active.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:08 pm


Well thank you. I hope to see more of what you come up with.

Kharne Bloodhowler
Vice Captain

300 Points
  • Member 100
  • Gaian 50

Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:09 pm


Thanks, by the way what do you think of my new poem?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:11 pm


Ya know, Kharne. If you would like to be a crew member, I would be happy to promote you. You've done your share to the guild, both in donations and trying to keep it alive.

I wouldn't say you post too much, just enough actually. Basically, if you didn't post like you did, the guild would be much more dead than it already is. Anyways...

If you haven't noticed, I put an announcement yesterday about activeness. Though I won't be doing anything about those who don't post too much at the moment, anyone that hasn't posted anything by Monday, I think, I'll be banning.

loslover: I appreciate that. =)

Isis375
Captain


Shattered Perception

PostPosted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 8:14 pm


It's nothing really. I just enjoy writing and reading poetry. Anyways I already like being here.
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