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Edited to ask:

What affects generally occur first when you start taking T and around how long does it take for the affects to occur? Be as detailed as possible, please!

Can you change your name if you haven't had a sex change?
How old must you be to change your name? (I assume 18 here, but I'm not sure.)

What I do know:

"California will change both name and sex, and will issue a new birth certificate rather than amend the old one."

Taken from here: http://etransgender.com/viewtopic.php?t=33 thankx to Art.

I'm constantly looking everything up and what I can't find answers to I'm asking you guys for help with.

Maybe I overlooked a thread or sticky with these questions being answered in it. If I did, sorry for spamming the forum. Please link me to them/it.
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Anyway, through forums I've learned that, apparently, you can't just get top surgery; You need to go to "therapy" for a certain amount of time. I'm glad I found this out, because I want to get the surgery ASAP. But how much therapy must you go through? Does it have to be a gender specialist? How do I find one?
How much does top surgery generally cost, at most and least?
And how old do you have to be at the youngest to get it done?

I know you guys must get a lot of new threads with questions you've already answered, but I have looked, and probably overlooked, those threads, so once again, sorry if I'm spamming the forum.

I know there's a link sticky, but none of them are labeled and I don't want to waste my time clicking a hundred random links to find out none of them have the information I'm looking for. I thought it better to ask you guys, since I know a fair amount of you already know.

Also, I haven't come out to my parents about my gender issues yet. But I've already come out to them about my bisexuality, and I know that at least my mom will accept even if not understand me and support me, and my getting the surgery because she's had similar surgery before, herself. But I don't talk to my step dad, though we live together. And he's prejuidice. It makes me worry I'll have to wait until after I'm 18 to get the surgery, when I want it now. That's years for me. Like my youth. I don't think I can wait that long.

What do I do? Where do I start? Help!

...
So how to go about asking for a psychiatrist without giving my mom the impression I'm depressed again without comming out to her... stare ;

Thankx Bas!

It would hurt my mom's feelings tell her I can't talk to her. I talk to her about everything except my gender issues and some of the manga I buy.../stuff I look at and save on my computer. xd I'm really close to my mom, she's my best friend. Thinking about it, I don't know what I have to worry about as far as asking for a therapist and explaining why I want one as I've already mentioned to her before I don't want breasts, and her reaction to my coming out to her about my sexuality has given me the courage to be able to tell her.

I think I'm more nervous about explaining myself to her, how to do it, because I think she'll bombard me with questions I don't know how to or don't want to answer, than accept it.

I don't plan to talk to my step dad about my gender issues anytime soon, but I think I can talk to him about the surgery when I'm old enough to get it done. I don't talk to him and I'm not going to dignify that he's higher than me. Ego.

How did you guys that have come out to your parent(s) about it, come out?

And I'm small enough to only need the Keyhole or Periareola I think it's called; I know it's still going to be expensive, but isn't that cheaper than the surgeries the bigger guys have?

I also forgot to ask,
I feel like I have to go prove myself in therapy, prove I really don't want breast, that they bother me, to get the referral to a surgeon;
Are there any things I should say to help me besides what I stated above that could help me get them to refer me?

That sounds like a good way to approach it, I mean it is the truth. It's just a better way of putting it than I want to have surgery to make me look more like a boy than I already do and I need to get referred by a therapist for it. Haha.

My nipples bother me more than the size of my chest does, that's really discouraging... Can I pay more to have the tissues removed? ... :sigh: What are the differences between the procedures?

I want to get into therapy ASAP, though this question just now occurred to me, and I'm sure it's different for some people, but how often do you attend therapy? I've never been before, except in middle school for different reasons. (And not only was I forced, but the lady wouldn't listen to what I was telling her, the truth, and kept on bothering me by insisting things I didn't and don't even think about weren't and that never have been were bothering me which makes me less than cozy with the idea.)

...And how expensive is therapy? ...Everyone's broke because of Xmas...Ugh, why does my family have to be religious?

I already came out to some of my friends. And I already dress as much like a guy as possible down to wearing boxers and buying guy's shoes. And I've even had my mom buy me Ace bandages before to bind (which I know is a bad idea now, and how much it hurts x_x wink , and explained to her why: I wanted my chest flat, and she seemed like she understood it or at least accepted it without asking me any questions. I've been getting my hair cut like a boy since middle school. Honestly, I've never had any "girly" friends...Anyway, I'm not worried about coming out to her or talking to her about therapy anymore...

It just seems like there's never a good time. ...That's not true. I just have to wait until after I start school again and my mom has the money. Then again, I might not... I'm going to think about how to confront her about it.


(Edited to add)

I think I'll confront her about it tomorrow while everyone's at school and my dad's gone, if I can. Still figuring out how to say it, though.

...I don't remember if I told her that there was a surgery yet.

Ok I'm going to try to tackle this backward so I make sure I address as much as I can....

Breast reduction is possible but they won't remove all of the fat, and you usually need to have very large breasts (generally C's or higher) in order for them to consider you. Women who get breast reductions still want breasts when they come out of surgery, they just don't want the hassle and back pain that comes with large breasts, so they get smaller ones. Since you already have fairly small ones (at least as far as you've said here), that probably wouldn't give you what you want (if they'll even consider you for the surgery).

The only other no-therapy-required breast removal surgery is a mastectomy (although technically the double-incision and keyhole/periareolar techniques are forms of mastectomy), but if you want to get something like that without therapy, you need to have at least one tumor in each breast (for both to be removed)...but again that doesn't really fit your situation.

It's upsetting that we have to jump through hoops in order to fix our bodies, but they just want to make sure that we're as happy as possible when we come out of our surgeries or have hormones, etc. They want to weed out cases of multiple-personality disorder, schizophrenia, rape victims who feel their gender is too weak, etc. (or fix them) before sending people to chop up their bodies. (Or "mutilate" them as my mom crudely and mistakenly calls it...) And even though the time restrictions can drive you crazy (I know they do with me), after a while of therapy you'll probably find that you enjoy seeing the therapist regularly.

I would recommend stressing to your mother that it is impossible to rush into this if you go about it the "right way" (i.e.: no black-market hormones and crooked surgeons). With a proper therapist, the earliest you can possibly get hormones (if you start therapy this month) is sometime in March, and surgery will usually have to wait until June, especially since relatively small breasts are somewhat easy to bind and hide and thus don't make a crucial impact on successful passing. The fact is that surgery is much more permanent than hormones (as some of the effects of T do go away if it's discontinued).

It would also be a good idea to go to the Standards of Care link Bas graciously provided and show them to your mom since most reputable therapists will follow it or use it to base their own decisions on. It will help some if she can see that there is some structure to the whole thing.

And I recommend you get ahold of the book True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals by Mildred Brown and Chloe Rounsley somehow, whether you check it out or buy it (I am personally going to purchase a copy as soon as I can, it's so good). If you do, have her read it (you could also benefit from reading it as well). It will give her a clearer and more layman view of being TD/TS, providing information while not being too densely medical to be understandable. It will explain the different proceedures (a few have changed slightly since it was published in 2003, but it is still predominately accurate as far as proceedures go) to her, the steps many take in transition (in whatever order or degree wanted by the transgendered person), etc. It even has a chapter that covers the various reactions commonly made by parents, siblings, friends, etc. that's good for both of you to read. Overall, it'll help her gain a greater understanding for what you're going through and help her be more open to the whole thing.

Don't worry too much about it; your parents may surprise you at how accepting and understanding they can be.

The cost of therapy varies greatly between different therapists and practices, as well on the credentials of the therapist. A psychiatrist can charge more than a psychologist can (although there are some great ones that are both, like mine) and a psychologist can charge more than a simple therapist, all based on the amount of education and the types of degrees they are required to have, as well as that the psychiatrist is actually a medical doctor and can prescribe medications....I know it's a bit confusing since most folks (including me) call whatever specialist they see a therapist...but anyway...

And each therapist or practice has different appointment schedules. Generally speaking, the more frequently you see your therapist, the better off you'll be and the sooner you'll be able to get surgery. I would especially recommend seeing the therapist twice in the first month (at least), as your therapist will need time to get to know you and your situation. The more opportunity you give him/her to do that, the sooner they will be able to help you with what you need.

I don't like school therapists either. In my experience, they don't do all that well at all except for referring students to outside therapists.

And I suggest you take the time to carefully select your therapist. It may seem tedious at first, but you will be so grateful you did it later. I was originally going to see a woman with less-than-great credentials and a history of poor service simply because she was the only person in the area I had found during my initial research. After looking more thoroughly, however, I found an amazing gay male therapist who does excellent LGBT therapy, is qualified in psychiatry and psychology, and takes the effort to really understand his patients. And not to seem bigoted or anything, but demographics do make something of a difference in relating to your therapist, as a gay FtM, it's easier to discuss things, especially things that relate to sexual things...horny me...with someone who has the background to understand it. Depending on your situation (gay or straight as well as comfort levels with men and women), you want to pick someone you feel you can talk about personal things and body parts with. If you're uncomfortable with the therapist, nothing will get done and you will merely waste your time and money.

As far as surgery goes, although I don't usually recommend Wikipedia as a major source of research (because even though it is awesome, there's always the chance for vandalism), probably the best place for you to get information on the different kinds of top surgery online is looking up Male Chest Reconstruction on Wikipedia. There are other transgender-related articles on there that you may find useful as well, and they don't seem to get vandalized like other articles....And check out the differences in the results visually on Transster (although you'll need to set up a free account to view the pictures).

If you want, since you will have to wait a while to get the surgery no matter what you do, in the meantime there is a service that provides clean used binders (and some that were purchased but never used) for about $10-15 to guys who can't afford to shell out a lot of money for a binder: a Big Brothers Used Binder service provided by The Transitional Male, although you'll need parental permission to order them since you're under eighteen (although I don't think that'll really be a problem).

And as long as you tell those things you said here to your therapist and just remain honest about everything, you should be fine and looking forward to top-surgery in the summer...

And if you have any other questions, or if I failed to explain something, don't hesitate to ask! I only wish I had found a place like this when I was having to figure everything out for myself...

It depends....What state are you from? If I know the state, I can get you links to the basic forms and instructions (although it's best to still get an inexpensive lawyer to look over everything, file it with you and ensure it's all done properly).

And I included T because I wasn't sure...each guy is a little different as far as what he wants to do and get done and what he wants to be called. I figured until I knew it would be better to include it just in case.

And I'm glad you're considering something other than Ace bandages. I know a lot of guys who use them and they all tend to tell bad things about them. They get you really flat, but because they compress every time you breathe out (and when you breathe in too, so it's constantly tightening around you) they can cause a lot of chest or back pain if they're used too much. Actual binders tend to be a lot more comfortable and safer. wink

And getting a therapist for a different reason is fine; just make sure they have had gender dysphoric patients and can handle them so they aren't a waste. And usually when that's done, the reason given is depression (even I gave that reason when I first set the appointment partially so my insurance would cover at least that first appointment and partially so the receptionist wouldn't ask me crazy questions...), but you said you don't want your mom to think you're depressed, so I don't know what you'd do there...

Ok, well in Cali you can definitely get your name changed without having any kind of surgery, and you don't have to be eighteen to do it. The difference is if you're a minor, your parents are legally changing your name for you since you're a minor. But you can't change your legal gender without surgery so you'll still be a legal female (with a male name).

California has a self-help center that has all the forms you should need (again, good to check with a lawyer just in case--this does not constitute legal advice [just had to put that out there]) here. Just scroll down to where it says "Name Change of Child by a Parent".

And most states require some kind of reason for changing the name, but explaining to them your situation should be enough for them (especially in Cali).

Oh and remember that if you change your name, you have to go and change it on your Social Security Card as well as any other ID you have that's current...


Edited: the self-help center also has a page about how to go to court, what kind of fees would be charged and how to get a fee waiver, etc.