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 Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:01 pm
Nzinga was sprawled out on a soft patch of grass, dangling a striped paw into the running water and watching as the current swept by. She was relaxed: it was a beautiful day, not quite too hot, the sunlight was dancing off the water. She was comfortable, having just had a nice filling meal. And she was thinking.
She was wondering why she was so mean. After meeting Jini, and befriending him, she had begun to realize how nice it felt to have someone to talk to and just..be with. She had not realized how lonely she really was. And she was always, always pushing others away. Especially males. And when she thought about it, when had a male ever been truly nasty to her, or done anything to hurt her? Other than her father, whose only crime was not being present during her childhood, or the other cubs she met (who can almost be excused due to immaturity) she could not think of any negative experience. Every male lion she had encountered recently had been decent, gentlmanly even.
Nzinga couldn't find a reason for her actions. She realized she was being unreasonable. I'm tired of being lonely, she thought. She then silently vowed to let herself be more amiable to others. Cautiously optimistic, at least.
Nzinga smiled down into the water like an old friend. Her heart felt lighter already.
Though there was still a brick wall around her heart, it was, at least, no longer lined with barbed wire.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 4:42 pm
Vian moved along the water's edge, feeling a sense of security fill his heart just by seeing it there. Water had been so scarce in his homeland...so not matter where he went water was always a treasure and a comfort. His muscular frame moved gracefully through the stalks of green grass. He didn't bother to hide himself, for his blue and striped coat would have been hard to conceal. He seemed content as he was, moving along at a steady pace with no real desitnation in mind. A small goal tickled the back of his mind, but...he let life take it's course.
He was no surprised when he saw a lioness in the distance. In fact, he was more surprised that she was alone rather then with friends or family. He didn't try to avoid her, he simply kept going with an easy, comfortable smile on his maw. When he had gotten within a few feet of her he murmured gently, "Hello Miss."
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:03 pm
Right on cue - almost as if in a dream - she heard the gentle, masculine voice at her ear. Somehow she wasn't startled. She felt almost like it was expected.
Nzinga turned to face the origin of the voice, and it was then that she was startled. But not in a bad way. There was another blue lion, looking back at her with an easy smile. It was too much. It was like..fate.
He was a darker shade of blue than herself, with stripes like a tiger. But he was certainly blue and stuck out, just as she did, from the yellow grass. She felt an instant connection to him - an attraction. She wasn't alone. She wasn't the only one. Her mouth dropped agape - just a bit.
She pulled her paw out of the water, dripping, still looking at him. She wanted to know about him, where he came from, but her brain would not slow down and settle on one train of thought. So something slipped out of her mouth, all on its own. Forgetting to return his greeting, she blurted, "Did you..come from the river?"
She was very much not in the practice of speaking to others.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:12 pm
Vian wondered uncertainly if he had frightened her. He certainly hadn't meant to. He tilted his head to the side slightly, polite concern pooling in his eyes though his smile never faded, nor did his calm and easy nature. "No...I'm afraid not, miss. I walked along the river bank. Never been too good at swimming against a current," His voice was soft and mellowed with a chuckle. He kept his movements slow and quite, relaxed so as not to startle her further. And while he seemed as cool as the water flowing near them, there was a small sense of alertness about it, as if he could take whatever life threw at him.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:26 pm
She felt stupid, but tried to hide her embarasment. What a way to begin a new acquaintance.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she noticed he had said "miss." He got a second point in her book.
Ignoring her silly outburst, she cleared her throat and got to her feet, holding herself with her usual pride.
She calmed down her excited brain and attempted to speak logically and politely. "Excuse me," she said. "I am simply surprised to meet another lion that is...well, blue." Her face became a bit sheepish. "I...have never met another like that." It's nice to not feel so alone, she added silently.
She began to feel a bit silly. Of course she was not the only blue lion in the world. She had just never met another - that was why she wanted so much to befriend him. He, however, probably did not feel that their connection was so unique.
"I am Nzinga," she offered. She tried on a small smile.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:43 pm
"It's a pleasure, Miss Nzinga," He said with a warm smile and a natural dip of his head, "I am Vian." His gold eyes seemed to shine in good-natured amusement as he laughed a little again, though it was obvious he wasn't laughing at her. "Oh, no no, I don't blame you. To be honest, I haven't met another that is blue either...perhaps I am simply not surprised because I have seen lions with stranger coats...green, for example." He settled back comfortably on his haunches, curling his tail around his paws. "It must feel strange sometimes, mm? I know I felt a little odd once or twice. All my siblings were orange, black, and white...none had my strange blue. Neither did my father or mother."
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 6:10 pm
"Vian," she repeated. His smile and niceties gave her a strange fluttery feeling in her chest that made her want to giggle like a little girl. Instead, she smiled back with easy, amiable confidence and returned, "It certainly is a pleasure."
She felt awash in relief as he continued to speak. Not only was she not alone in her coloration, she was also not alone in feeling different. It always feels good to have to justification of one's feelings. Of course, he had said "once or twice" he had felt odd - she had, her whole life. But perhaps that was just because her mother had isolated her, and told her she was different.
She almost never opened up and let someone know how she felt. But with Vian, she almost felt that she could. Her eyes lowered to the ground for a moment. "I must say.." she began, almost shyly. It was difficult to say something from the heart. "It is nice to hear such things. I..." she stopped. She had been about to tell him about her feelings of loneliness. But that was far enough for now.
Raising her eyes back to meet his, she resumed her normal self-assurance, and mirrored his comfortable seating position. "At least you had siblings, and parents that you knew," she said. "That in itself, is a blessing."
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 6:16 pm
Vian watched her attentively, as if he was encouraging her to finish her thought. But when she moved onto something else he didn't press the matter. He nodded his head in agreement, a dose of affection filling his tone, "Oh yes...never is there a day I don't feel grateful for them. I just wish I knew where they were now, to be honest. We were always so much better together..." He trailed off. As the eldest one would think he would be the one most willing to break away from the huge family. But after their only sister had gone missing he had struggled to keep the brothers together. He wasn't quite the glue she had been and the had crumbled over time. It was a sad thing to know.
His sad smile quickly faded as he turned a genuinely curious gaze over to Nzinga. He could sense she was struggling with something, but he couldn't help but admire her strength for being able to handle it so well. Though he admited it wasn't always healthy to hold things in like that. "Don't tell me you're out here all alone...?" He asked. Such an idea was a sad one indeed.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 6:31 pm
Nzinga had not noticed Vian's encouraging look - if she had, she may have been convinced to continue on. But perhaps she would, some other time.
"So you do not know where they are now?" she asked. "How sad it would be, to have a family and then to lose them." It seems they were both a little damaged in that respect. She understood a bit how that might feel. When she lost her mother, she lost her only friend. "Do you think you will ever see them again?"
His last question had a simple answer. It shouldn't be painful by now, to admit to being so alone, but having recently become acquanted with others of her kind, she realized how much she was missing. "Indeed, I am alone here," she admitted gently. She didn't say it with a defeated air, did not want him to think she sought pity. It was simply the truth. "I have wandered the land quite alone these past few years. It - it is not so bad." Liar, liar, her mental voice chanted.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 6:38 pm
"I'm afraid not," Vian shook his head, "My brothers and I separated not long ago...I do not worry too much about them, for I know they can take care of themselves...and I am sure we'll cross paths again. However..." He trailed off, getting a slightly glazed look in his eye, "My sister vanished a long time ago, when she was little. She is strong of heart and character but...I cannot help but worry about her and hope to find her." He paused for a moment, almost seeming drawn into memories of Adanna's spirited grin and cockoy air.
But with a twitch of his ears he caught her words that answered his question and he was brought back to reality. He frowned a little, a small motion on his part, for most of his expression was in his open eyes, "Really...? That's quite horrible...I've been on my own for a while and I must admit...I miss company most of the time." He didn't argue with the opinion she had put forward, but instead put forth his own which also in turn was a soothing motion in her direction, in case being alone was hard for her.
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:04 pm
Nzinga listened intently to Vian's small narrative. She caught the change in expression when he began to talk about his sister. He must truly care for her - Nzinga's heart went out to him. "I am very sorry," she said, not sure what else she could say to convey her sympathy. "She sounds as though she can take care of herself. I hope you are reunited with her soon." And she sincerely meant that.
She was struck by the fact that no one would miss her in such a way, were she to go missing. No one would even know. Not even Jini, her new and only friend - he probably had forgotten about her even now. That's what she got for avoiding everyone she came in contact with.
Nzinga recognized an offering in Vian's next words. He had seen past her bad lies and seen her predicament - then gave her a way to express herself. She was grateful and yet also, a bit vulnerable. Was she that readable? Or did he just instinctively know what to say that would make her want to open up? Either way, she had a opening.
Even if it hurt, she was going to just be out with the truth. "I used to believe I was happier alone," she began, this time not breaking eye contact. "It was only ever my mother and me. She kept us isolated...when she died, I was alone. And I...just stayed that way. Never sought out company." She kind of laughed at herself, a single "harumph" sound. "Shunned company, actually. But now I'm begining to realize how much I need to have connection with another being."
She was proud of herself for not breaking down. And her shoulders, somehow, felt lighter. So she had shared a part of what she felt - and she wasn't dying. That was progress.
"But neither of us are alone now," she added with a little smile to off-set her confession. "For the moment, in any case."
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Posted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:13 pm
Vian offered her a sad smile, his heart going out to her. She had it far worse then he. He didn't regret his life at all, no matter what had happened, but would he have felt the same way were he in her shoes? "Well...that only makes sense," He told her gently, "For if someone has the ability to care for others they needed to be cared for in return, mm? Nearly everyone is like that...we all need someone. Part of living our lives is having ties with others." He leaned back slightly, keeping his gold eyes on hers as gave a smile of reassurance, "I'm sure, Miss Nzinga, that if you met a few others you'd find more then enough friends." He knew he was rather struck by her strength. It took a lot to face such a chilling, harsh reality of being alone.
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 7:19 pm
Nzinga nodded at this; it was something she was only begining to understand. She needed to have others in her life; she was not the natural loner she thought she was.
"Perhaps that is true," she said, though not quite believing it. "It is just that I..am not much practiced in making friends. I have never stayed in one place long enough to make any long-lasting acquaintances."
Vian sure was nice. Easy to talk too. She sincerely hoped he could be her new friend - maybe, finally, one that would stick around a while.
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 4:20 pm
"You seem pretty good at it to me," Vian said with a confident smile, "After all...you're talking to me, right?" And was he not an utter stranger? She seemed pretty open, despite the fact that they had just met. Perhaps she meerly needed more opertunities to meet others. She didn't seem the type to be completely disfunctional socially. He knew what those people were often like. Some of his brothers were even as such now that he thought about it. "As for moving around...well...just because one moves doesn't mean you can't stay friends, mm? Though it is harder, that is true."
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Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 4:44 pm
"Indeed..indeed I am talking to you." Quite a lot, in fact. She was telling a near stranger more than she had told anyone else, for a very long time. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something about him that made her feel trusting. His smile, his air was so confidant; yet not overbearing or arrogant.
"Truthfully, I'm not usually like this," she told him. "I've never been this open with someone I just met. That is..probably why it has been hard to make any friends. Normally I - I just don't welcome others into my life so easily." Or at all.
She wondered if he knew how unique he was in that regard - the only soul she had even attempted to open up to. She was treading on new and potentially dangerous territory, but didn't mind. Nzinga was willing to take a little risk for once. Even if it felt very strange to be opening her mouth so much.
"I think I may stay here," she mused. The thought of sticking around this area had been circulating around her head for a while. "It is nice here. Prey is fairly easy to find. And..those that I have met around here have been decent."
Suddenly she realized how selfish she was being. "We keep talking about me," she said. "What about you? You are travelling alone, are you not? Do you ever feel..well, lonely?"
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