Q. Why do actors like pool halls?
A. Because that's where they get their best cues.


Did you hear about the snooker mad monster? He went to the doctor because he didn't feel well.
"What do you eat?" asked the doctor.
"For breakfast I have a couple of red snooker balls, and at lunchtime I grab a black, a pink and two yellows. I have a brown with my tea in the afternoon, then a blue and another pink."
"I know why you're not feeling well", said the doctor, "you're not getting enough greens!"


Q. How do you make a Billiards table laugh?
A. Put your hands in its pockets and tickle its balls.

Q. Why is a pool table green?
A. If you had 16 balls you would be green too.

Q. What has 4 legs, 6 pockets and smells like p***y?
A. My pool table


A man and his pet monkey walk into a bar. The monkey jumps on to the pool table and eats the cue ball. The bartender gets pissed and threatens to kick the man out. The man finishes his drink and leaves.
The next week him and his monkey return to the same bar. This time the monkey finds a grape, sticks it up his a**, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted and confronts the man. "What do you expect," says the man, "after that damn cue ball her measures everything!"