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 Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:24 pm
How can a person take comfort
When knowing his heart is breaking
And day after day a sickening abyss grows where love onced bloomed
How can one take comfort
When he is being twisted into a disfigured and grotess sight
Battered by emptyness
In an unrelenting torrent of disappointment
How can one smile
When he has not the will to strive
How can one feel
When he is like that of a bird unable to fly
How can one take comfort
while without love
For without love a man is as good as bones and dust
For the men in the world I do not know how they will take comfort
But for me... my comfort is in your arms
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Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 9:54 am
The poem's good. biggrin And I'd say the answer is either that they can't, or that it would be quite difficult. Even though I'm guessing it was a retorical question... sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:19 pm
It's really good, but as I often suggest, punctuation would really help the reader know when new thoughts are starting and provide an easier read. It is really good and full of emotion! Good job!
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:17 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 10:57 am
Superficial. I get that you're "filled with emotion," but you're not offering perspective, which literature is supposed to do. Try Eliot, he does depressing better than most. And if you must, go to Shakespeare- he never wasted words.
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:51 pm
it seems that in most of your poems you use alot of repetition. it's not a bad thing, but you should experiment with other writing devices.
nice poem though.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:06 am
slightly repetitive and cliche, i felt as if the emotion was stuck, and things like 'a bird unable to fly' is used in alot of love poems........
i liked that you used juxtaposition in this...............the negativity is balanced out, but could have been done better with more imagery
keep trying....
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 5:55 pm
I really like this poem. It is a very impactful piece. The repetitiveness in the poem helps to make it more impactful and really make your words sink in. I really, truly like this piece.
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