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The title says it all (Obvious naman diba?) Post your jokes here, comment on them and add some more! Wala lang para masaya... Um... Be careful on green jokes okay?

Follot the gaia tos
Follow the guild rules
Pasaway ok?! blaugh

Applying for a job for the first time, isang seksing coed was filling up the application form. Mabilis siyang natapos but mukhang nahirapan siyang sagutin ang isang tanong:
PERSONNEL: Do you need help in filling up the application, Miss?

MISS: Puede ho bang "occasionally" ang ilagay na sagot.

PERSONNEL: Which question, Miss?

MISS: Sex

PERSONNEL: sweatdrop
===============================================

Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy. Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified Ads. "Wanted - Painter of Porch". Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko, yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko - pwede palagay ko ako rito!
In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats of orange paint. Can you do this?"

Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well."

"Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."

Tatlong oras pa lang, narinig na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi".

"Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.

"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.

"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch...your car is a BMW..."
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Creative Filipino Business names:
MASTERVISION (video rental shop)

PETAL ATTRACTION (flower shop)

INTERNATIONAL FUNERAL HOMES (kailangan kaya ng visa dito?)

LUNAS SIKMURA (a last-resort restaurant)

STD (if it's car parts, hardware, or disease, we're not sure)

Le Cheng Tea House (Was the owner in a bad mood when it was named?)

DETH'S Eatery (eat and you die!)
===============================================

Police Chief: "Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga exits!"
Later...

Guard: "Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum."

Police Chief: "Paano nangyari iyun?"

Guard: "Sir, sa entrance siya dumaan."

Police Chief: domokun
===============================================
May bagong salta sa America na gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas.
Pinindot niya ang '0' para sa Operator.

Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?

Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.

Operator: Name of the party you're calling?

Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?

Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.

Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.

Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?

Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.

Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in... Europe, E as in...Important and L as in... Elephant.

Operator: xd

nabasa ko lang po ito! :

Isang pamilya ang nadisgraxa dahil sa pagkahulog ng sasakyan sa kennon road. (ama, ina, 1 batang babae, 1 batang lalake at
alagang unggoy). Namatay ang mag-anak pero himalang nabuhay ang unggoy, kaya siya ang inimbistigahan

Sa loob ng korte kasalukuyang nililitis ang kaso.
lawyer: ano ang ginagawa ng batang babae?
unggoy: (nag-anyong natutulog)
lawyer: eh, ang batang lalaki?
unggoy: (nag-anyong naglalaro ng eroplano)
lawyer: ung ina?ano nman ginagawa?
unggoy: (nag-anyong dada ng dada)
lawyer: ano nman ang ginagawa ng ama?
unggoy: (nag-anyong umiinom ng alak at lasing na lasing)
Judge: Sa masusing pagsusuri ng kasong ito,napagalamang walang kasalanan ang unggoy sa pagkahulog ng sasakyan dahil napatunayang lasing ang ama kung kayat siyang matibay na dahilan ng aksidente.
CASE DISMISS!!!!!!!!

sa labas ng hukuman.
lawyer: maalala ko pla, anong ginagawa mo sa loob ng sasakyan?
unggoy: (nag-anyong nagmamaneho)

Unggoy nga naman.......

very good very good topic! hahaha.. may ibang jokes na dito ko lang nababasa.. gusto ko yung tower joke hahahahaha!

Teacher: What's the color of my teeth? (Sabay smile)
Pupil: Pink!
Teacher: (Nagtataka) Again, what's the color of my teeth? (smile)
Pupil: Pink!
Teacher: s**t di ko pala suot ang pustiso ko!
*****************************************************
Lalake: Taksil! Baog ako, paano ka nabuntis? Sinong ama? Ang kaibigan kong kadyo? Si Pekto? Kaibigan kong si Ador?
Babae: Puro kaibigan mo! Kaibigan mo! Bakit wala ba akong kaibigan!?
*****************************************************
Sira Ulo

Sira-ulo #1: "Kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?"
Sira-ulo #2: "Ayoko nga, ano ako, sira? e paano kung pinatay mo ang ilaw, e di mahulog pa ako. Wa-is ito, hehehe
*********************************
Kriminal: Father, forgive me for I have sinned
Pari: Sabihin mo lahat ang kasalanan mo anak.
Kriminal: Father, pinapatay ko ang lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos.
Kayo po ba Father naniniwala doon?
Pari: Sino 'yun?
********************************
Boy1: lahi namin ang mahabang buhay, lolo ko namatay 88 years old na.
Boy2: Ako Lolo ko namatay 98 years old.
Boy3: Ala yan! Lolo ko sobrang tanda PINATAY na lang namin.
********************************

A husband took his wife to play her first round of golf..... Nervous, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the largest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique lamp was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
window?

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that lamp for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"


"Well, since I've been trapped in that lamp and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No kidding," he said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: DON'T BELIEVE IN GENIES

Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"


haha kadalasan kasi unang pumapasok sa isip ko, tools for survival.

uu nga noh!!