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DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...................................49
Adventurous........................Slept with everyone
Athletic...............................No tits
Average looking...................Ugly
Beautiful............................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure..............On medication
Feminist.............................Fat
Free spirit...........................Junkie
Friendship first..................Former slut
Fun...................................Annoying
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing............................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional......................b***h
Voluptuous.......................Very Fat
Large frame......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

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