Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay pasted from join (error message) then checked mods pages most avatar no clothes, weird whatever. Really uneasy now posting eeeks....

Hi, I have had bipolar symptoms since I was at least 7 years old (upon retrospection). I was diagnosed in 2000 and began medication 3 yrs ago, after a near fatal suicide attempt (had I arrived in the ER an hour later, it would have been fatal). [I will never share what type of drug I used]
I have not read much of the forum..ok the announcements and stickies. In fact, I don't even really get this forum thing and finally getting chat.
"OMG have in been in a cave?" no until 3 yrs ago was a registered nurse, certified nurse parctioner, in an intensive care nursery working 24 hr shifts. I'm 41, but I hang with my 13yo brother and sister and my best friends are 11 and 13yo. No adult friends -- my now ex-husband convinced our small town I'm crazy. I now live a highway exit closer to the city (from rural to suburb). Oh and my mom died 2 yrs ago and three months after that my husband wanted to kill me. No, not paranoid he has told me recently that I was truly at great risk at that time. Yet, I'm the crazy one. Yea right.
I am still struggling with bipolar, (oh great!) but as my psychiatrist said "we got your medications stabilized but you ARE STILL BIPOLAR." This is not a phase of life that passes like adolescence. It is an infection that can be treated. A disease that can be prevented. OR an addiction like alcoholism-though drug abuse is common it is more likely really self-treatment. It isn't even a result of bad experiences, bad home life, abuse, tramatic experience etc., like most mental illness. IT IS GENETIC. My point -- well I hope this covers why I should join the guild.
When I was young, heck when I was in nursing school, it was manic-depressive is was only really nutty people and the drug was lithium. Ok onto next paragragh... that was it. Now all TV has about bipolar is that they are murders.
Having guild that the 1% of the population can share how we think is awesome. I still have so much to learn, and I think the forum should stay public those who know use have so much to learn. I also think there are a lot adults who just never got diagnosed. I am rambling... I have been afraid to do anything since my world found out I am bipolar. So this is my first commitment since then so will you accept me and help me learn how this all works. I am not even sure how to read all this without getting overwhelmed.
Oh and I am a rapid cycling, but unlike any of the medical literature has (the nurse part of me) found I cycle through manic and depressive phases several times a day. None of the doctors understand how I ever functioned without medication. Having the label is helpful to understand but does not define who you are. I have had a lot of difficulty with that since I have been diagnosed.
Why join before reading or posting? Do it while in a brave mood before I go into a shell in fear of human contact.
I have decided to treat live like I am just getting started not OMG what have I lost. So here I am.

You're 41?
Wow.
And welcome to Gaia. [?]

I self-diagnosed 2 [or 3] years ago after learning what bipolar was and reading all the symptoms.
I've told my mother three times,
And the last time I finally got her to listen.
I'm on no meds and have seen a doctor only once,
He did not listen to me,
At all.
Asked no questions.
Nothing.
As soon as my mother said bipolar,
He said,
Because of my age,
I was 'hormonal'.
He prescribed me xanax.
It did nothing so I stopped taking them.
[This was in January of 2005.]

I myself am 15.
And am going on about myself.
><
So I'm gonna go now.
Goodbye for now,
Ttyl.
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