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Chapter:1: The Vast Mission
Once upon a time on a large island known as Xion, lived several kingdoms. Each kingdom under thepower of the five gods, Haven god of choas, Aviox god of divinity, Thoric god of Thunder, Iclican goddess of ice, and Demetric god of inferno. Haven and THoric were allies and Aviox, Iclican,and Demetric were allies. Haven planned a massive attack on Aviox, askingt Thoric to help attack. Thoric declined the offer saying it was sucide to do that. Haven continued on with the plan and attacked Aviox. It was almost over for Avioxx when Haven attacked with the massive force.
"All men charggggeee," general Linor said. I was in battle with general Linor fighting for Aviox. My name is Dixon Linor, age 23, yes general Linor is my dad. I drew my sword and prepared to engage in combat with Haven forces. The two forces collided and started to battle. i hacked and slashed my way though the enemies. then i saw it general linor was fighting zang the general of the forces that was attacking Aviox. linor drew his sword and charged forward. he jumped up in the air and came down with a powerful slash.
zang seemed surprized, but he still dodged it. then zang slahed at linor's lower armor. he hit him and blood camed out. the blood was dark red and linor dropped to his knees. he dropped his sword but quicly picked it up and stabbed zang in the stomach. zang said,"you fool! i was going to spare your life, but now its over." zang took linor's sword and slashed his head clean off. his head hit the ground with a loud thump. i gasped in terror to see this. i fought my way to zang untill i finally reached him.
"zang your a dead man,"dixon said. "hahahahahahah doon't make me laugh fool,"zang said. "haaaaaaa your head is mine,"dixon said charging towards him. he used his time speed to end up behind him. "ha thats all you can do boy," zang said. "aaaaaggghhhh," zang screamed. a red mark was showing from his right shoulder to his left rib. zang didn't know when he used his time speed he cut straight threw him. his top half of his body fell to the ground.
i yelled at the sound of victory. the remaining forces of haven retreated as the rest of my soldiers chanted, Aviox,Aviox,Aviox,Aviox,Aviox. we didn't lose that many soldiers but we lost some. some joined haven or were captured. as haven retreated tears drew in my eyes. to see my dad dead. he had great honor, he wanted his chorpes to lay on the soil untill it decomposed.

hmm, it's good but you should be a little more descriptive.

Hmm.. It's good. It needs more descriptive language and literary devices.Also change the first sentence because "once upon a time" is a bit cliche.
^_^;;