Welcome to Gaia! ::

Overall, I found what you have here fairly interesting. You've thrust the reader right into the middle of the story with it. I like those kinds best...

I don't want to go all "review freak" on you just yet....seeing as you've just got a couple of paragraphs here. But...I'll still mention some things.

The first thing I want to say is...is this a dream that Rose is having? Because...you make it quite difficult to determine that fact. I'd suggest adding some extraordinary details in there. Some things that you wouldn't find in real life... Description is definately something you need for that. Always good to have sufficient description.

Byebye for now!

*as continued from my last review post*

I think I found a pretty big "no-no" with what you've written here. That one problem is...jumping between the two sets of characters after each paragraph. You moved from Rose and Violet's scene to Bloodrose and Blaze after every chapter. Not once have I ever seen this used and, I don't think it works too well. It makes a lot of confusion with the reader...about what's happening, what the place looks like, etc. It's just too hard for the reader to register a scene, then move from it, and come back again. Might I suggest doing one set of characters, putting a big line across the page, then the other? Or will that not work for you?

And another thing... In books, authors always have it set up that speech deserves it's own paragraph. Like this...

"blah blah blah," said me, "blah blah blah"

Now I start with my descriptions or another speech....and so on.

Your description is great here. You've done really well to portray the setting and actions of the characters, and the characters themselves. Good job!

And the plotline seems to be interesting enough. It would be nice to see where this ends up!

Oh and...is anyone else gonna back me up on some of the points in this review? It would be nice to get a second opinion.

Maybe you should write one of them in itaclics

The dots sparating the paragraphs certainly make it clearer that you're switching between characters and settings. Nice.

You didn't happen to have made any other changes, have you? I can't really tell what is the original and what isn't if you have.

Chapter Two: Twin Butterflies of Love and Destiny

A lovely pink haired girl lay sprawled out on her couch with her hair covering the left side of her face. It hid her beautiful pink butterfly tatoo; a symbol of her power that laid gracefully on her neck. She lifted her pipe from the nightstand next to the couch and lite it. It was packed as always, and she took a long drag from it. At a table a few feet away her twin stared down at a cup of tea, her violet hair covering right side of her face. It also covered her violet butterfly tatoo as it did her older twin sister. She looked up from the tea in cold satisfication and turned to her sister. "We having guests Elle, they same as before. They don't look so happy though," she said meekly. Elle exhaled and let the white smoke flow around her in a perfect spiral. "Who cares what those zealots feel. As long as they are here and paying, they can feel what they want Helle," she replied smoothly.

Two middle aged men walked into the shop and saw the two young ladies lounging peacefully. They would never admit it, but being at this place terrified them. They had heard of the cruelty of the pink haired Witch of Love and the coolness of the violet haired Witch of Destiny. Elle looked over at them and put down her pipe. "Nice to see you again gentlemen, I trust you are here on new business," she replied warmly. The older of the men mustured up all his courage and replied quietly, "You still haven't finished the old business." Helle and Elle exchanged looks and Elle turned back to him highly amused. "Are you saying that Dean and Sarai Torrin lived? That is impossible, they were burnt alive," she answered with a chilly calm. The younger one took a breath and answered her with anger, "Yes, you demon! Only the father was killed! We said specifically for the demon girl to die!" Elle got up and looked at him coldly. "Demon? There you go again with that nasty name calling again. I am the Witch of Love, not demon, nor is that child you wanted dead. She is simply a human and doesn't deserve to be called cruel names like that. Don't you think," she asked coldly. She grabbed his face and kissed him lightly on the lips. "I'll show you a real demon you ignorant fool," she whispered lightly in his ear.

The man collapsed on the floor dead with pink veins covering his face. The older of the two man shuddered in fear and revulsion. "What did you....I mean will you finish off the girl, the one who can command the wind," he added desperately. He had no intention of saying what he really felt when his partner was dead on the floor. Helle got up and stepped in between them. "It will be handled, take the man and get out of our shop now," she said dully. The man dropped to his knee and gathered up his fallen partner and ran out. Helle turned to Elle and sighed heavily. "Was that necessary sister? We knew what we were dealing with when they entered," she asked quietly. She added knowingly, "At least you get to call that girl you love so much again. Remember that this is business, nothing more or less." Elle smirked evilly and walked pulled out her cell phone. "Of course, just business."
..............

Bloodrose walked next door to her little sister's hideout. She hated the place throughly....it always smelt like the flowers she hated. It probably didn't help that they lived above a flower shop. She entered the shop and began looking around. She was pleased to see Blaze was working the register and she would not have to extend her stay. "Rose there you are! We have business to discuss, namely the business you didn't finish," she added in resentfully. Rose looked up her irritated by her mere prescense in her hide away and stared at her coldly. "Unless, you are buying something you can leave and we both know you aren't Rika. So why don't you leave here before you gag? We both know you hate this place and its occupants." She pointed at the flowers all around the room and returned her gaze back to her. Bloodrose took a breath and immediately regretted it. She had to leave here fast and let her have her full fury before she threw up. "Sarai Torrin wasn't home when you went; only the man is dead. She currently in Celest Dawn and is staying with an aunt. Make her dead or you will regret it. I want you to make sure of it this time," she added before stomping put of the flower shop.
.............

Violet came out from the back room and looked at Rose sadly. "You're leaving again aren't you," she asked in a defeated tone. Rose avoided her gaze and headed for the door. "Don't....just don't. This is for the best, I promise I'll come back. I always come back, forever and always Violet." She turned back to her with her hand on the door. She smiled reassuringly and left Violet yet again. Violet icy eyes were filled with tears and she let herself fall to the floor. "Damn you Rika...why do you always take her away?"
..........

Blaze stormed down the highway with her bike not caring for the speed she was going. Her exit came up quickly and she found herself there much sooner than she expected. She was dying to go back to the shop and spend time with Violet but, she knew she had to finish this once and for all. She snuck in through the back door and headed for the living room. A blue haired was standing there waiting for her and she paused before she could be noticed. The girl smiled and said sweetly, "You're good I give you that. If I couldn't hear your thoughts, I would have never know you were coming. Unfortunately for you, Sarai entered a city where villians like you are not permitted. As soon as I spoke with Sarai I knew it her you were after. You must be a lacky for one of those groups to rid the world of people with 'supernatural' abilities right," she asked calmly. Blaze looked at her stunned and came out of her hiding spot. "Villian? I don't know what you mean by that. All I know is I have very good reason for doing what I am doing and you are just going to have to accept it and move or die," she said with renewed determination. The blue haired girl smile widened and laughed a little. "You are one of us, yet you do this? Well, I guess I will just have to explore these reasons won't I?" Blaze looked at her skeptically. "How do you plan on....what are you doing," she asked quickly. Her head felt like it was splitting in two, she felt her thoughts her memories being poked and prodded through. She grabbed her head and let the darkness claim her.

Rose was a little girl again and she turned to the figure yet again. "Why would you do this? She's our mother!" she screamed desperately. The figure emerged from the darkness to reveal a black haired, grey eyed girl. "Lily is not my mother...she a murder. She killed my real mommy," she answered coldly. Another figure was approaching in the darkness and the girl turned to him and smiled. All she could hear was a man screaming....the darkness consumed her yet again.

To be continued in Chapter Three: The Blue Guardian of Dawn

Chapter 3: The Blue Guardian of the Dawn


Rose shivered as the darkness overtook her. How desperately she wished it would all fade away; she just wanted to wake up and see Violet standing over her with that sweet concerned face."You'll never see it again Rose, not until you face your past." A warm voice rung out of the darkness, shaking Rose back to her senses. "Do this and win back your life," the voice assured her. Win back my life....see Violet again. What business is this of yours? she demanded mentally.

The voice paused for a moment as if in deep thought. "I have something to gain I will give you that. That is all though. I need to see this memory to make sure it is her." she said evenly. Rose gave an internal sigh; she had known for ages her past wuld be revealed someday. Why not right now? Face my past, I can do this. Rose opened her eyes yet again, only this time she was looking down at a young version of herself.

The little Rose was watching a scene that seemed quite ordinary at first. Rika was sitting at the table resting her head against her arm while her mother, Lily, arranged the flowers in her favorite glass vase. Only there was something wrong, something very wrong. Rika eyes were filled with tears as she glared at Lily who was smiling, oblivious to it all. "You....killed my real mother didn't you?" she asked quietly. Lily continued to arrange the flowers with the same sweet smile upon her face. "What a silly thought sweetie. I'm your mother my little love." she said warmly. Rika stood up suddenly, knocking her chair to the ground. "Liar! I can hear what you think! 'Look at the way she smiles at me, like she was mine. If only Ria could see this, the way her precious daughter smiles for me.' Remember thinking that?" she said with a quiet fury.

Lily just shook her head as if Rika had just done something idiotic and meaningless. "Little Rika, you are becoming like her aren't you? Oh, I have tried so hard to look at you as my dear husband's precious daughter but, this I cannot accept my love. I hoped this day would never come, I truly did." she said sadly as she knocked the vase to the floor. Lily leaned down and picked up a large piece of glass and turned to Rika. "It will not hurt much, not like Ria's deah. I have loved you as my daughter, I will make sure it doesn't hurt too much love." Lily promised calmly as walked over to a horrified Rika. Rika shut her eyes tightly as the glass that laid all over the floor flew into Lily's body. Little Rose knew in her heart that Rika never meant to do it, but, older Rose also knew it was the beginining of the end for her and Rika.

Rose felt her eyes well up, she knew what was going to happen next. Still, she watched because it was all beyond her control now. Her younger self had run up to Rika asking that question again. Again, Rika replied as she turned to the man, their father. His eyes widened as he stared at his dead wife's body before turning to his daughters with horror written all over his face.

Rika looked at him for a moment, studying him with her grey eyed intensity. She uttered a single word as her father head twisted impossibly before he collapsed. "Traitor." she said with a venomous rage. By this point Little Rose had backed away and was looking at Rika with a mixture of deep sadness and fear. Rika looked over at her for a moment and sighed. "You know I would never hurt you so knock it off, Rose." she said defensively as a tear escaped from her eye.

In the background, a child's cry could be heard and Little Rose nodded at her tearful big sister. "I'll take care of Violet." she said quietly as she exited the bood stained kitchen. Rose just watched as the scene faded to black. Rika was never a monster, just a hurt little girl so much like herself. Rose had been wrong to hate her, wrong to resent her. All this time, what must she have felt? Killing the only mother she ever knew, knowing that mother had killed her biological mother. Her father must have known all along as well. That must have been why she called him a traitor. Now more than ever, she just wanted to go home and see her sister. Only this time, Rika's face came to mind. Her poor, damaged, sister who learned the bitter truth once she discovered her powers. Yes, Rose had been so very wrong.

The blue haired girl, greeted her with a sad smile as Rose regained conciousness. "Was that the person you were looking for?" she asked coldly. "Yes." she said sadly. "I go by many names, but Amilla is fine though other call me the Blue Angel or Guardian. What would you like me to call you, by the way?" Rose stood up and sized her up. "Call me Blaze and I'll call you Amilla. So have any intention of telling me why you want Rika?" she asked bitterly. For some reason, she felt a new wave of protectiveness towards Rika since she learned the truth and her past. Amilla shook her head and smiled sweetly at her. "None whatsoever I'm afraid, Rose." Rose gave her a dark look and turned on her heel. "I'm going home then, 'Angel'. I have something I need to do." she said as she stomped out of the room. She could hear Amilla sigh loudly in the background. "She will not greet you warmly, you know that." she said firmly. Her words made no difference though, Rose had already slammed the door and jumped on her bike. It wouldn't be long until she was home but, the climax had already begun without her there.

......

After finally composing herself, Violet felt a little better about everything. Sure, Rose wasn't there, but she would come back right? She always did. Violet put on her best smile as a group of men walked through the door. "How can I help you?" she chimed sweetly. The biggest of the men smiled amused and pointed gun at her head. "Where is those demon sisters of yours?" he asked glaring as Violet's eyes widened. Rose....please...save me...

Yes, the climax had begun without our heroine. After finally getting her questions answered, only one thing remains. Will more blood be shed upon these petals?