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A Walk On The Beach

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silly zombie
  flesh is for worms
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Evidyr

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:38 pm


Rob Sat on the darkened beach watching the blackened waves crash near his feet.
He sat remembering last school year and all the good and bad times he had.
He remembered when he began to write a story with the girl he once liked.They were writing A vampire romance/horror story about them.He smiled, stood up, started walking the beachshore, and remembered when his two friends and him went to the local Lake and swam.

He walked to his cabin by the beach, opened the door and smirked looking at a knocked out couple.He looked over at his assorted weapons trying to pick one out to end the lives of the couple.he laughed to himself picking up a noose and silently tied it around the man and tied it to the top of the cabin.He then bound the knocked out guy hands and feet.He tied up the girl to a chair and also bound her hands and feet this time to the chair.he smacked the girl to wake her up, she looks at him and screams.Her screams woke up her lover and he noticed what was around her and started to struggle.Rob laughed watching them panic and looked at the man" Now watch what i am about to do". He laughs and smacks the girl again, grabs a scapel and takes out her eyes and laughs as she screams in pain.The man watches in horror and curses Rob . Rob slits the girls throat watching her gasp for breath and watching her bleed.He licked the blood pouring down her neck.

He stood up and smirked beginning to make cuts in the mans chest and arms.He stabs the man in the stomach with the scapel, lets it stay in his stomach, and kicks the chair from under the man and lets him kick trying to get out of the noose as he sufficates.He walked out the door with a smile on his face and began walking along the beachshore remembering the people he loved, the people he scared and the places he visited.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:50 pm


Okay, I have a little bit more advice for you.
Expand.
Try something new.
Maybe mystery. Because then, you can include oodles of gore and get away with it.
Or adventure. Same with that.
And what I said about movies earlier, you do seem like an Alfred Hitchcock kind of a person. If you haven't tried watching them before, do it. They are gory to core, and still have an interesting plot.
And please, try not to disregard what I say. My mom is involved with publishing and literature, so I know my stuff.
Also, spelling and grammar is not your best, I see.
Spellcheck is a God. Use it.

AND: Using the same words over and over again makes your work dull and repetative. Ever considered a thesaurus?

Pixie Tea
Crew


Evidyr

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:57 pm


alright thank u but just so its known i dont do it to be a good writter i do it so people can enjoy what i think of
PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:38 am


very good I actualy aggree with the Doc but other then that wow I mean you just need a little touch up ehre and there and wowzer!!!

ColdStreek
Captain

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