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My Killer story

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Rate my story 5 being the best 1 being worst
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Evidyr

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:30 pm


before i begin i will introduce myself and explain a bit about what i will do

My name Is Robert i am an actor and a writter i focus on Horror/slasher genre of writting i am open to critism and anything else for those of you who want to be in a carreer with interviews or survey leave me a message i will gladly let u interview me and i might just put them on my livejournal or my myspace

my Stories can be a bit graphic but i take it as a professional best i can anyways and enjoy it thats just how i am hell i dont even care if u that my work sucks give ur opinion
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:31 pm


He walked the empty hall of the abadoned hospital and laughing to himself.people knew not to come here but they came and that meant fun for him, he captured two girls that decided to walk in the abadoned place for a dare.now it was time to end their lifes.

He smiled walking thru a door where two girls sat in chairs tied up knocked out.he went to a table picking up a scapel and laughed and walked over to one of the girls and shook her to wake her.he cut her mouth gag and held her mouth open cutting her tongue out of her mouth.she tried to scream but he held her mouth closed letting the blood ooze onto his hands.he looked at her bound hands and slowly began to cut off her fingers one by one.she screamed in pain and terror and he slit her throat and she gargled and tried to breath and died.he picked up her tongue and sat it on the table.

He smacked the other girl to wake her and she slowly woke up and a look of terror on her face as she seen the bloody scapel.He smiled and began to cut off her ear after he cut off the first one he set it on the table next to the other girls tongue.he cut off the other one doing the same and watched her ears bleed as the girl continued to struggle and try to scream.he cut off her mouth gag and grabbed her cheek making her tongue stick out and cut off her tongue and let her bleed and put the tongue on the table next to him.he laughed and quickly cut out her eyes sticking them on the table and watched the girl die.he went over to the table of tongues,ears and eyes, sat down and slowly began to eat all the parts.

THE END...... Or is it?

Evidyr


ColdStreek
Captain

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:32 pm


oO thats to much suspense I LOVE IT!!!
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:35 pm


Oi.
I'm sorry, but you have a lot you need to work on.
First of all, you have no plot.
I have no problem with gore, and if there is gore, there should be at least a reason.
Secondly, your language is blunt and dry. All I read was cutting of peoples' body parts and laughing.
And lastly, if you ever intend to be a published author, this definitely is not your forté.
If you're into horror, read phenominal horror.
Stephen King, dude.
Watch horror movies.
Get a feel for it.
If I might reccomend a movie [It isn't horror, but it was very interesting to me. I think to anybody who intends to pursue any career in writing should watch it], I would watch Rushmore.
D:


Pixie Tea
Crew


Evidyr

PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 9:41 pm


thank u for ur opinion
PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 10:25 pm


wonderful Ev heart

xXDemonGlitterXx
Vice Captain


ColdStreek
Captain

PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:35 am


Evidyr
thank u for ur opinion



I am very glad you and Doc took the critisim rule into play please make it stay that way ^_^
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