|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 3:09 pm
Wrote it during American history when I was supposed to be taking notes ninja
Dragon Fight
Dragon curled into a bind
Young man down below standing behind
Bow in hand, determination hot,
Aiming to hit the monster with a perfect shot.
But what does he know about dragons?
Does he know about the dragons flame?
Or how each dragon never acts the same?
Foolish man taking on this great beast
Should never boast of knowladge when you
truly know the least
The dragon reared as if ready for a fight
Young man cluched his bow, target in clear sight
Get ready for the battle you will not suceed
You're in deep now and for what?
Only Great greed.
The Dragon suddenly lifted in flight
This foolish boy he is unwilling to fight
He will show how to be the greater man
And why you ask?
Because. He can
^_^
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 4:44 pm
Very good. It seems odd in the format. It switches how many lines are in the stanzas and the syllables in eac line and which line rhymes with another, but I totally do that too. I really like the poem. Even with the style switching, it flowed well. The only line that completely threw me off was the second line in the first stanza. I really like it though. Keep up the good, but don't get caught in history class biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 6:20 pm
I thought it was really good. As mentioned before, the line set-up was a little odd, however, it still flowed regardless of that. The piece was very interesting and I really liked the imagery I got from it. Good job!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 7:03 pm
Thank you!
Yeah I get what you both said about the format, I've never really payed attention to thet much, I just wrote but any way thanks!!
mrgreen
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 7:34 pm
I think that the poem is pleasant, how it speaks of uncertainty and fear. wink
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 4:22 pm
I like it very much, but I think it could be even better if you cganged the second line, it's a little confusing. I also think you should add more poetic devices to explore your ideas in a few different ways. great topic, I love dragons!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 5:08 pm
I know, the second line really bugs me alot! I could not figure out somthing to put there at first it was:
Young man down below you will find.
But that didnt seem to sound right either so I went with the second. sweatdrop
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 6:44 pm
i like that. im not a realy good peoet. its good!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 7:49 pm
Me_Kiryne I know, the second line really bugs me alot! I could not figure out somthing to put there at first it was: Young man down below you will find. But that didnt seem to sound right either so I went with the second. sweatdrop I don't know. I think that sounds better than the other. It rhymes so it won't throw your readers off and if the young man is hiding below, and he comes out, the dragon will discover or "find" that he was hiding below. Go with it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 8:18 pm
okay, That would be better, thank you! ^_^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 2:48 pm
I really liked it. Poetry should be free form and i like your format. Keep up the good work.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 10:35 pm
"Because he can." xd heart But yes, I love it. I do believe it is one I like the most. *nods*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 6:58 pm
GAAAAH WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE??????
sorry, shock over hiya Caley!!!!!
okay shes gone..
any way....Thank you sooooo much everyone*good feeling inside* mrgreen
(oh um about the spazzy moment, that This_person is non other than my (crazy) cousin..... ninja
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
